Here comes the bride - Tacoma, Washington

Sorry folks, but instead of your weekly dose of sporting news from around the Pacific Northwest I'm going to tell you about my night.

Sit back down.

Tonight I took one for the team. I did what everyman has to do once in his life. I went to a wedding expo. And I'm not even engaged. Yeah, here's how I got there.

So a few weeks ago my dad was reading the Tacoma News Tribune (it has way better reporting and stories than the Seattle Times. If you're a fan of the Times sorry. Just calling it how I see it) Anyway, on the back of the business section he came across an ad that said, "Win a $30,000 wedding at the Tacoma Museum of Glass."

Like I stated earlier, I'm not engaged. But naturally I looked at the rules. They were simple. Write a 500 word essay on how the two of you met and why you should be the ones to get married at the museum of glass. Or something like that. I figured, heck someday I'll get married. And why not get a free wedding at that time?

The catch was you had to go to their open house where the winner would be given their prize. Since my girlfriend is in Nebraska, and not wanting to be THAT guy who showed up alone, I dragged my sister along. She was a great sport. Yet, by the fourth person who called her my bride, she pulled a "Hello my name is" sticker out of her purse and wrote in "the sister" and we weren't asked again. Seriously though, if it weren't for her I would have died.

Walking into the place was like walking into a Star Trek festival. Only replace the Spocks with bridezillas and replace the nerds with grooms-to-be being dragged around by their earlobes.

I was handed a bunch of business cards, talked to a British guy who drove a Rolls Royce for Thoroughbred Classics (a Rolls Royce Chauffeur Service). He even came complete with a tiny red bowtie. Sadly his name was not Jeeves though. I ate free cake, drank free wine, looked at free pictures and listened to free music.

Needless to say I got bored quickly. That's when we decided to wander around the Tacoma Museum of Glass. And I must say, I do not understand art. Let alone extremely breakable art. One security guard actually asked me to please put my hands in my pockets because I think he just thought I looked like someone who might try to touch something that was worth way more than the $30,000 wedding contest I had entered. I asked him if I did win, if I could trade it for one of the strange orange orb blobs that had green blobs on the outside of it. He looked at me and laughed. Then again asked me to put my hands in my pockets.

Leaving the area of breakables we headed into the studio where you could watch the artists mold glass into mainly useless blobs. The one they were working on right then was long, round and then bulged out to a mushroom shaped top at the end.

The head artist called it the "Straights of Berlin." I thought it resembled a certain male organ. He said it would be displayed later in the year. I asked if he was inspired by something he had seen in Spencer's Gifts. He didn't catch it.

After a much longer time than was needed (and two bride fights over whos ring was better) it was finally the moment to find out who would win the wedding.

The MC for the night pulled out a slip and read the name. It wasn't mine.

I had written a humorous essay. One that I knew was good. I didn't figure I would win, but mine was certainly better than the one that won. No joke. Here is what his was.

"We were two city kids who grew up in Tacoma. We loved the city of Tacoma and went to college in Tacoma. Now we are trying to pay back our student debt from college in Tacoma. Our wedding has been placed on hold. The Tacoma Museum of Glass is the heart of the city of Tacoma. To get married at the Tacoma Museum of Glass would be amazing. It would be a chance for a couple from Tacoma to show their relatives why they love Tacoma so much. To get married at the Tacoma Museum of Glass would allow us to start our marriage in Tacoma. Tacoma is where we want to live for the rest of our lives. We love Tacoma."

Yeah, the whole essay was about 300 words long, 48 of those were the word Tacoma. And the final one was kissass. But I guess it worked for them. They get a $30,000 wedding at the Tacoma Museum of Glass in the heart of Tacoma.

I got free cake and a highfive from a British dude in a bowtie. But then again who wants to get married in front of something that looks like the Apollo 11 landing unit anyway? (see picture above. Yeah that's the museum)