I know Patrick Ewing is naturally a big guy, and I know that once you stop playing in the most intense professional basketball league the world has that you're bound to gain a few pounds but geez, Ewing hasn't been that large since Shawn Kemp and him spent a few weekends out on the town in Seattle.
(Insert Shawn Kemp having a billion kids joke here) (Insert joke about Ewing's playing days in Seattle here)
Seriously, he's reaching Jessica Simpson two belts syndrome. Something tells me that Patrick Chewing has had a couple of snicker bars since he retired. I wonder if Charles Barkley and him go to the same gym.
Or Dunkin Doughnuts.
But hey, I still like Ewing, just like I still like Jessica Simpson. Because let's face it, there's plenty of fatter people out there. In fact, just take a trip down to your local Fred Meyers and walk down the chips isle. You'll probably have to turn sideways to get down the isle when "Dungeons and Dragons Grand Wizard and Doritos King" comes waddling down and blots out the sun.
Since I've developed my own spare tire, I really can't talk either. Oh well. So does that mean I can still call Jessica Simpson hot?
(I mean she eats hot dogs and beers with the guys AND played Daisy Duke? That's basically the Chewelah version of the dream woman)
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