Has anyone noticed how Kobe Bryants muppet sounds and looks nothing like him?

I love Kobe Bryant right now.

Not only does the Game 1 victory by the Lakers allow me to leave work tomorrow thanks to a victory by a shrewd bet, but have you seen the Lebron-Kobe muppet commercials? Amazingly funny even though the Kobe muppet looks more like Tim Meadows.

But, like every rational NBA fan, I realize there's some baggage that comes with the black mamba, that's why I've decided to translate some of the NBA Finals post-Game 1 quotes for your reading pleasure.

Here's what they really meant...

"I just want it so bad, that's all," Bryant said. "I just want it really bad."

(I just want a bus to hit Shaq. That's all I'm asking.)

"This is a resilient team," he said. "They've been through a lot of adverse situations before. This is nothing new to them. We've got to forget about this and move on."

(Thanks for playing Orlando, if you even think about making this a series I will Kill Bill your a** so quickly, you'll all look like Hedo Turkoglu)

"We've never had a shooting night this bad," Howard said. "We've just got to come out and play a lot harder than we did tonight."

(And I've not got to go work on my lats and shoulder muscles. See you all in the gym!)

"He was great. He was tremendous," said Van Gundy, who felt his team did a poor job defending the Lakers' pick and roll. "We were giving him too much space on his pull-up jumpers and he did a good job of attacking us. I know this: We are a lot better than we showed."

(Good god, how the hell do we stop Kobe Bryant? Where are Tonya Harding's bodyguards when you need them?)

"We've just got to keep our foot on the gas and keep our head down and just keep on working," Bryant said.

(I'm going to rip Dwight Howard's face off and wear it a la Hannibal from "Silience of the Lambs" - hellloooo Claurice....)

... On second thought, I don't like Kobe Bryant