Who needs an autographed Kobe Bryant cast?

If you're a Lakers fan and you worship the ground that Kobe Bryant walks on... well, this is the nostalgic item for you. The Yahoo NBA blog found this one, I'm not sure how they did it.

Think about all the great things that could come from owning this. First, you've got a one-of-a-kind piece of memorabilia. Literally no one else in the world including Kobe will have this. That's pretty impressive to have sitting on your bookshelf.

But there's more. If you compare this cast's autograph to the back of your Zoom Kobe IVs, you can start a Kobe Bryant Autograph Museum, and that's just a lucrative business idea. You'll make back every dollar you spend, for sure.
Yeah I'd love to have a dude's cast in my living room. I mean, who wouldn't?

Epic Photo: Why we love Shaq

This is from Shaq's Twitter feed.



Freakin' Priceless.

NBA Finals Game 4 Journal

5:56 - I want to make it clear that I am rooting for LA because I can't stand Orlando's fanbase. A large majority of them probably don't realize that their team is even in the Finals because they're too busy buying Mickey Ears at DisneyWorld.

And you know what? They use the theme song to CSI for introductions, and had a MC who had a checkered suit that only a guy who still lived with his mom would wear. And the pregame intros were rather quiet. Remember when Seattle was in the Finals and you couldn't here the PA Announcer before the game? Oh yeah but they don't have a team anymore. No I'm not bitter... not in the least.

6:00 - They just showed a montage of NBA Champions and I think the Spurs got shown for roughly .02 seconds. I'm so glad the league is sweeping them under the rug as if their championships never happened.

6:06 - Considering the Dallas Cowboys reputation with the the structure strength of their buildings, do you really want the 2010 All-Star Game being played at Texas Stadium.

6:10 - Game starts, and they talk about how Kobe Bryant looked tired in the last Finals game - even though he was pretty much their entire offense in the first half of that game. How can anyone be "tired" is this day and age with luxury hotels, mega-conditioning, and plush conditions all around. It's not like he had to get off his construction worker job for the day to play basketball.

6:13 - Dwight Howard -- looks like what some football players want to look like with their shoulder pads on -- without any such assistance.

6:15 - Lamar Odom checks into the game. I really enjoy watching this guy play, I'm so glad he could finish his Butterfinger in time for the game.

6:21 - Commercial break shows Adam Sandler in a movie called "Funny People" ... how ironic.

6:24 - A shot of Amway Arena, does that place have the smallest parking lot in the NBA. I count three mini-vans, whatever Tiger Woods drove in on and Dwight Howard's groupie-wagon. That's it. Where does everyone else park? The Popeye's parking lot?

6:28 - Dwight Howard's parking spot must be at the free throw line because that's where he's been at for the entire game.

6:29 - Some guy from Congo checks in for the Lakers, meanwhile Adam Morrison doesn't make the playoff roster.

6:31 - With the score 18-15 Magic, Trevor Ariza gets called for a technical. In the first quarter. For an emotional outburst. Pace yourself. You'll be re-arranged JJ Reddick's facial structure by the third.

6:33 - Courtney Cox's latest project... Cougar Town! Just what I want to watch, old 40-year women hit on young guys! I can do that by going to a Spokane bar, so why would I need to watch this on TV?!?!?! (By the way I got groped by a Cougar down in Tri-Cities during the Shock game. Long story. Very Akward. And Weird)

6:33 - Stan Van Gundy quotes Greg Popavich during the pregame talk in some footage shown to us by ESPN. I wonder if Stan will be sporting the serial killer beard by game six.

6:37 - Riddle me this. So if the Lakers win the NBA Championship, Luke Walton will officially have more championship rings than Lebron James. Wow.

6:39 - Here's some insight - Orlando complains a lot about the calls... as in every single one.

6:44 - End of first quarter and we have our first WNBA Commercial, and Phil Jackson calls the officiating bogus. All right! Three more quarters to go of this.

6:50 - J.J. Reddick is playing well ... and I just wrote that.

6:56 - 37-27 Rashard Lewis hits a three to give Orlando its biggest lead of the series (they would lead by as much as 12 in the game). That's what you get for leaving the best 3 point shooter on the X-box version of NBA Jam open. Seriously.

6:56 - Another reason I hate Orlando fans. Those handclapper noise makers. ITS CALLED YOUR HANDS! SLAP THEM TOGETHER!!! How lazy has America gotten?

7:03 - Kobe's pregame interview shown by ESPN ends with Jeff Van Gundy saying that he sounds like a coach. Good god, if that happened not only would I be glued to my tv set for every single game but I think we would see the first ever occurance of the coach electing himself to take the technical foul free throw shot.

7:10 - HALFTIME

7:22 49-37 Magic, just for reference

7:47 - 51-44 Magic, the Lakers have definitely picked it up and Trevor Ariza can't miss.

7:55 - 55-54 LA's first lead.

7:59 - Adam Morrison sighting! He's in a bible salesman suit awkwardly high fiving Trevor Ariza, who doesn't actually know his name and wonders why Morrison is trying to get him to buy five copies of the Scientology Fundamentals.

8:02 - Chris Tucker has gotten fat. AND GEEZUZ! IS THAT TIGER WOOD'S WIFE? Holy hotness. I guess that is what you get when you're the best golfer on the planet. Ever.

8:05 - Magic commit their 15th turnover. Hey it's like the late 90s Seattle Seahawks!

8:07 - Things get physical, Howard grabs Kobe from behind, tempers flare, words are spoken and it's at this point that I realized that the refs need to let these guys play and stop freaking out every time there's any sort of contact. Howard and Kobe were members of the USA Gold Medal team. They're friends. They're playing for an NBA Championship so things are going to get chippy but at the end of the day, they're still going to be friends. So don't get your panties all in a twist when these hyper-competitive guys start speaking words to one another.

8:18 - Derek Fisher is still in the league?

8:20 - I love the random Kobe "I'm MAD!" cuts that ESPN does at random moments of the game.

8:37 - Jameer Nelson makes his first good play of the game with four minutes to go in the entire game. A pass to Howard for the dunk. Boy, I'm sure the Magic are glad he's finally coming around eh? Facing a possible 3-1 deficit and Nelson can pass now? Wowee!

8:49 - Three pointer, three pointer, three pointer...

8:50 - Dwight Howard misses both free throws. Yowza. This will come back to bite the Magic. That would have iced the game and instead it's 87-84 with 10.8 seconds to go. Orlando leads

8:53 - Derek Fisher is in fact, still in the league. Despite being 0-5 in the game from behind the three point line, he his a three-pointer with four seconds to go.

OVERTIME -Time for me to get my antacid pills

9:00 - Last Finals to have two overtime games? Boston vs. LA in 1984. That says something about where the NBA is right now as a league. So entertaining.

9:04 - Pau Gasol has the best "WHAAAAT?!?!" face. He must react wonderfully when his girlfriend tells him that she's pregnant or has 15 aliases.

9:06 - Second WNBA ad... and it's funny that they show them playing in packed Arenas.

9:09 - DEREK FISHER FOR THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ... and did anyone notice Jameer Nelson get hit by Kobe Bryant's elbow of fury when he passed it out to Fisher? Me neither.

(Is this 2002 all over again with Fisher hitting big threes for the Lakeshow? Should I be listening to 98 degrees and Outkast? Can I get a copy of "The Spy Who Shagged Me"?

9:12 - 96-91 Pau Gasol breakaway dunk and he proceeds to akwardly chest bump everyone on the floor, even Adam Morrison, who drops the bibles he's selling. Game is over... now they just need to run out the clock.

9:14 - Gasol gets another bucket but is hard fouled by Pietrus. A very cheap shot by him because the only reason Gasol went for the bucket was because the Magic were still defending hard even though there was like three seconds left. They got chippy afterward, I'm pretty sure Gasol called Pietrus a "Mother Goose" or something like that.

99-91 Lakers win.

And Derek Fisher has that "I'm dating your hot ex-girlfriend" grin going on.

Other people that should get their own muppets

Kobe Bryant and Lebron have their own muppets, what's stopping other people from getting their own commercial muppets?

(And by the way, I still can't get over how Kobe's muppet looks nothing like him and doesn't sound like him at all. It's not even wearing a Lakers jerseys)

1. Jonathan Papelbon - Not only could it dance to Flogging Molly but it could also strike out muppet A-rod, which would actually just be a sack of crap on a stick.

2. Stephon Marbury - Steve and Barry's may have gone out of business but their pitchman lives on since he has his no defunct shoe logo tatooed on his skull. A muppet of equal craziness has to be made. Although somebody should probably put a tracking device on the thing so it doesn't go bat crazy and start ripping people's throats out.

3. Adam Morrison - You wouldn't see this muppet out on an NBA court though.

4. Mark Few - Actually, the real life Mark Few is about the size of a muppet.

5. Jose Conseco - It could just walk around accusing everyone of steroid use, and it's crowning moment would be when it outed the Olson Twins for using PEDs.

6. Pacman Jones - Muppet strippers are much cheaper than real strippers.

7. Peyton Manning - with a permenant "Manning Face" ... thank you Bill Simmons for coining that term.

8. "Press Box Hot" Female - it doesn't take much to make a homely muppet right? Thank you Bill Simmons for coining the term press box hot.

9. Casey Knopik - This strange little muppet would chase around squirrels and hike up muppet sized mountians. Which are actually just large trash cans covered in felt.

10. Katy Perry - Is it possible they could give her more cleavage than the real life Katy Pery in her Vegas song music video?

Kobe doin' work

Some people may not be happy about the Lakers being up 2-0 on the Orlando Magic, but I absolutely love it. Here's why:

(1) With the next three games in Orlando, I don't think this series is over in five games. People really can't undersell home court advantage for the Magic. It's not over, it's about to get really interesting.

(2) The Magic will still lose though, mainly because of all the bandwagon fans from their own city that jumped on board. I'm still convinced that most people in that city thought the Magic were their hockey team until about two weeks ago.

(3) Orlando columnists are annoying. As in they can't write. As in there's a reason newspapers are going out of business.

(4) What does the Kobe Face do when he wins his fourth title? Explode?

(5) We won't have to hear the "You never believed in us, but our team showed you!" from a bandwagon Magic fan who's actually wearing a Lebron jersey.

Let's go Black Mamba!

Has anyone noticed how Kobe Bryants muppet sounds and looks nothing like him?

I love Kobe Bryant right now.

Not only does the Game 1 victory by the Lakers allow me to leave work tomorrow thanks to a victory by a shrewd bet, but have you seen the Lebron-Kobe muppet commercials? Amazingly funny even though the Kobe muppet looks more like Tim Meadows.

But, like every rational NBA fan, I realize there's some baggage that comes with the black mamba, that's why I've decided to translate some of the NBA Finals post-Game 1 quotes for your reading pleasure.

Here's what they really meant...

"I just want it so bad, that's all," Bryant said. "I just want it really bad."

(I just want a bus to hit Shaq. That's all I'm asking.)

"This is a resilient team," he said. "They've been through a lot of adverse situations before. This is nothing new to them. We've got to forget about this and move on."

(Thanks for playing Orlando, if you even think about making this a series I will Kill Bill your a** so quickly, you'll all look like Hedo Turkoglu)

"We've never had a shooting night this bad," Howard said. "We've just got to come out and play a lot harder than we did tonight."

(And I've not got to go work on my lats and shoulder muscles. See you all in the gym!)

"He was great. He was tremendous," said Van Gundy, who felt his team did a poor job defending the Lakers' pick and roll. "We were giving him too much space on his pull-up jumpers and he did a good job of attacking us. I know this: We are a lot better than we showed."

(Good god, how the hell do we stop Kobe Bryant? Where are Tonya Harding's bodyguards when you need them?)

"We've just got to keep our foot on the gas and keep our head down and just keep on working," Bryant said.

(I'm going to rip Dwight Howard's face off and wear it a la Hannibal from "Silience of the Lambs" - hellloooo Claurice....)

... On second thought, I don't like Kobe Bryant

What the NBA Finals mean to Kobe

There's been a lot of talk about how Kobe Bryant will be cementing his legacy if he wins a fourth NBA Finals ring, his first without Shaq. 

Wait, isn't he already going to go down as one of the best players ever to wear a Lakers uniform?

They're saying that he will be a man possessed in this series, somebody with everything to gain and everything to lose.

Well duh. 

Remember how Kobe and Lakers were the favorites against Boston last year? Yeah that went well. Kobe is probably going to be out of his mind to make sure that doesn't happen again.

But really, does not winning another NBA Championship tarnish his legacy that much?

I mean we've already thrown out the golden boy moniker thanks to an incident in a Denver hotel room and his squabbling with Shaq (which self-destructed the Lakers). So he's not going to go down in history with the same sheen or gloss as say Jordan, Magic or Bird. He's not going to go down as the best player ever (that's a toss up between Jordan and what Lebron will do in the next 10 years) but he's certianly going to be in the conversation.

Ask anyone in the NBA about Kobe and they'll have nothing but excellent things to say about him as a player. He's one of the best, if not the best player we've seen in the post-Jordan generation. Lebron will eventually take that crown here (bad joke) if he hasn't already, but to deny Kobe's greatness between the Jordan and King James-era would just be stupid.

When it comes to being a competitor, Kobe's no. 1, and another NBA title will be nice on the resume but we aren't going to footnote him if he doesn't win here. So all this talk about legacy and what it means it's pretty silly considering marketing agencies are probably already setting up their Kobe ads for next year. And please, make a more Kobe-ish muppet this time.

Sure we'll look back and say "Kobe never won without Shaq" but don't we already say "Jordan never won without Pippen?"

I mean what exactly is the difference between three and four championships other than buying another ring case. Brett Favre only won one Super Bowl (like they're apparently easy to win?) and that does not lessen his legacy. 

Kobe's won three as part of one of the greatest teams in NBA history - and you're telling me he has to win another to reach the next pantheon.

Please, he's already there. He's just working for a little more leg room now.

Epic Photo: Kobe Bryant being blocked

The Western Conference Finals is tied 2-2 and we could be looking at an NBA Finals that may not have Kobe and Lebron, heck it may not have either.

Are you hoping for a Cavs-Lakers Finals or something different?

JustSON the Numbers: NBA Playoffs Game 7

Since this Sunday will feature two separate game 7's in the NBA Playoffs I thought I would focus this edition of JustSON the Numbers on the history of game 7 in the NBA.

When the Houston Rockets and Los Angeles Lakers tip off at 3:30 pm eastern time on Sunday May, 17th in Los Angeles on ABC it will mark the 103rd game 7 in NBA Playoff history.

The Boston Celtics and Orlando Magic follow up that game at 8:00 pm eastern time on TNT in Boston marking the 104th game 7 in history. In this seasons playoffs there have been two game 7's that both took place in the first round and both ended with the road team losing. Boston defeated the Chicago Bulls and the Atlanta Hawks defeated the Miami Heat.

Unfortunately for both Houston and Orlando history is not on there side. In the previous 102 games the home team holds a big advantage with 82 wins and only 20 losses. The lone bright spot for Houston is that the last 3 road teams to win a game 7 have been from the Western Conference and 2 of the last 3 have taken place in the Conference Semifinals, which happens to be this round of the playoffs.

Houston has won 2 road game 7's in the past, once in 1981 against the San Antonio Spurs (who were the last team to win a road game 7) and then again in 1995 against the Phoenix Suns. Houston is also playing the Lakers who have just once been on the losing end of a game 7 that they hosted and that was back in 1969 against Boston. Los Angeles does carry a 13-8 record in game 7's all-time, while Houston has a 5-3 record in the deciding game.

The Magic will be facing the Celtics who have a 20-5 all-time record in game 7's. A ray of hope for Orlando is the fact that Boston has lost 3 times at home in a game 7, in 1973 against the New York Knicks, again in 1982 versus the Philadelphia 76ers and most recently in 2005 while hosting the Indiana Pacers. Since the Magic have only been in the league since the start of the 1989 season they haven't had much experience in game 7's going only 1-1 in the deciding games.

The numbers don't lie, it will be a big task for either the Rockets or the Magic to pull off road victories on Sunday. It seems like we will be one step closer to seeing a repeat of last years NBA Finals when the Celtics beat the Lakers, but that is why they play the games. Maybe the Rockets will beat Kobe Bryant and the Lakers (Kobe has disappeared in game 7's before, Phoenix anyone?) and perhaps Dwight Howard and the Magic can pull off the upset in Boston.

I guess myself and everyone else will have to tune in on Sunday to see if the two road teams can do the unlikely.

If anyone has any requests for this column let us know. I don't discriminate, no matter the sport or the stat.

Reasons why you're still single... Yao Ming

You bet the entire house on the Houston Rockets to beat the LA Lakers and now you're staring at Yao Ming being out for the rest of the playoffs with a broken foot. This means that The Black Mamba will be ready to strike and put an end to this troublesome playoff series for the NBA Finals favorite.

NBA MVP

With the NBA season wrapping up on Wednesday and the Playoffs beginning on Saturday I found myself reading a little about the MVP candidates for this year (since I don't pay a whole lot of attention until the playoffs). It appears to be a 3-man race between LeBron James, Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade.

In reading into this I found out something interesting that I honestly didn't know and that is that the MVP trophy is called the Maurice Podoloff trophy. Maurice was a lawyer and was the first president of the NBA. While president he introduced the collegiate draft as well as instituted the 24 second shot clock. You can read his wikipedia article here.

Dont drink from the Kobe Haterade

Mr. Bryant won co-MVP honors with Shaq last night during the NBA All-Star game in which the West battered the East 146-119 and after watching one of the awkwardest sideline interviews in television with the Diesel and Kobe Bryant where the big guy basically said he's not going to talk about his friendship with Kobe, for a second there I actually felt sorry for him.

While they were interviewing Shaq, Kobe was sitting right next to him and said absolutely nothing. When they asked Shaq who should be the MVP this season if both were in the running, Kobe pointed towards Shaq. Shaq, obviously pissed that the sideline reporter kept probing him with questions about his friendship with the Lakers' superstar and the past between them basically said "I'm happy to be here."

Had it been Dwight Howard doing all the pointing in the obvious politically correct move, there probably would have been a feel good column about how much respect he has for Shaq and blah, blah, blah, blah. But instead, it's Kobe, so we'll probably just find some sort of insult to throw his way.

Kobe is one of those guys that is about as polarizing as you can get. I can understand how people find him smug, ball-hogging and generally unlike-able. Some guys just have this aura about them and he definitely fits the bill for that.

But one gets me is the people that deny that he's a great player. It's like denying that the sun rises every morning or that CSI:Miami is a bad show.

I know all you former high school athletes out there don't like the way Kobe carries himself on the court, even though you probably did the same smug thing when you were lighting up the West Pioneer League 1B Circuit. But hey, had you made it to the NBA you would have been all smiles and giggles.

Sorry, Kobe Bryant is a great player, probably top 20. Regardless of how he is as a person, his stats and performances always seem to back that up.

81 points in one game? 60 points in Madison Square Garden. It seems that he's almost getting better with age and nobody - especially the NBA player that just got elbowed in the eye on the drive to basket - will complain about his competitiveness.

Now all you Kobe-haters out there will say that he doesn't care about the team, and only looks out for himself. Wrong. Just slightly.

He wants to win. Plain and simple. That's why he always wants to take the shot at the end of the game (What? Pau Gasol isn't exactly "Mr. Clutch") and if his teammates are having a particularly terrible showing, he'll clam up and turn into Madonna when everyone made fun of her religion. Not because he's worried about his own stats, but because he wants to win the game and feels that his teammates aren't backing him up.

And it's selfish, because everyone is going to have bad nights, even the Lakers, but don't say he's just looking out for himself. He's not the first player to have this attitude on all levels.

So if you hate him, fine, but don't talk NBA out of your butt and tell me he's not a good player. Then you're just being ignorant and probably should just go back to writing "talking points" for the Bill O'Reilly Show.

And just for the record. I can't stand Kobe Bryant off the court. But hey, I can respect his game.

So about that whole Oden being the franchise savior thing

Nothing against Oden, he's been a solid contributor for the Portland Trailblazers during their 17-10 start this season. However, we may have been a bit off with the whole franchise savior thing because that's actually Brandon Roy.

That's pretty clear after Roy dropped 52 points against the Phoenix Suns on Thursday Night.

Quickly and silently he's becoming one of the best guards in the league and NOBODY saw this coming. Seriously, where are the "Here comes Brandon Roy!" articles? Even Skip Bayless couldn't even deny this complete meltdown in media ignorance.

If you watch a Blazers game, count how many time the announcers gush over Roy, because the man seems like he's making plays everywhere on the court even when he's sitting on the bench. The great thing about the NBA is that there are players that you just like watching play, simply because it's enjoyable, and Roy is one of those guys.

Just warning you all in advance, in case you were too busy watching Kobe Bryant bite his lip and ignore teammates.

Highway driving

I got to take a trip up to my home town this weekend, which is about a 40 minute drive north of Spokane. There's something about highway driving in the remote area of Northeastern Washington that really gets you in a reflective mood.

Basically because if you break down, you're walking a looooong ways to civilization. To give you all insight into the wonders of rural highway driving I've constructed a timeline of my journey.

6:00 p.m.
I bid farewell to my trusty roommates. Weirdly enough, I hear celebrations after I step outside the door.

6:05 p.m.
Quick pit stop at a Cheney gas station. What's wonderful about my crappy college car is that people actually stare at me when I pull up to the gas pumps as if to say "you're really going to put 40 dollars worth of gas into a car that's worth 20 dollars?"

6:12
Ah, I-90, the only freeway on earth where you'll be forced to pass a tractor.

6:30
I'm in the depths of Spokane traffic, which means my speed slows down to roughly 45 mph through residential areas. While some people may ding the city for "not having anything culturally important" or "being less interesting than a reality TV show about the game of horseshoes", it's a whole hell of a lot better than the congestion on the west side of Washington. It takes nearly two hours to get to your nearest Starbucks, and those things are on every street corner.

6:39
Drop a CD off at the Spokane Arena for the Spokane Shock. The security guards there are nice. And I think they have guns. So I'm nice to them too.

6:50
And I'm officially outside of the Spokane city limits... which if you've been in north Spokane, you understand that this ends pretty abruptly. One minute you're in strip mall heaven, the next you're in the middle of a forest and Bigfoot is chasing your car.

7:00
Ah, Deer Park. Yeah never stop in this town.

7:15
The problem with a rural highway is the fact that it's only a two lane road, one lane for each direction. That means if you get stuck behind a PT Cruiser driven by a retiree who hasn't upgraded his "top speed" since the Great Depression, you're royally screwed.

7:20
What luck! A PT Cruiser in front of me.

7:30
You can't pass unless there's a long stretch of no oncoming traffic. The problem is, there's also a lot of turns on this highway.

7:45
Pass the PT Cruiser... and oh boy! A tractor pulling a large farming implement behind it that takes up rough 2/3 of the entire highway. And it's going 25 m.p.h.

8:00
I roll down the large hill that puts you into the Chewelah (or Coville, I'm not sure) valley. It's a wonderful view. You really get a good look at the Chewelah Casino as well.

8:15
After a brief stop in the Chewelah Safeway, I finally make it home. Home is eight miles outside of town, and I had to dodge a couple of small rodents on the road, and people.

8:30
The Lakers and Kobe lost to the Jazz... damn.

Something you should know about Northwest sports fans...

The NFL is just now getting a taste of the pent-up frustration that Northwest sports fans have been experiencing for years. It's not easy being up here in a far-off corner of the country, basically written off by everyone as part of Canada. You'll hear this often on ESPN...

"(Generally overrated running back who's name rhymes with John Halemzander) doesn't get as much media attention because he's tucked up in the great unknown Northwest, a place that we're pretty sure doesn't have electricity yet. Must be tough for John."

However, if you East Coast pundits, Southern California Yuppies, Midwest Sodbusters and Southern loons should understand is that we're just as passionate and excited about our sports scene as you guys. Consider the following...

1. When you go to a Apple Cup, chances are you're either going to say F*** the Cougs or F*** the Huskies. Why? Because both respective fan sections chant this. At the same time.

2. We still think Warren Moon is a God, and that John Kitna was probably a mistake by God.

3. 116 wins, no World Series. We still wake up in the middle of the night because of this one.

4. If the Super Sonics move to Oklahoma City, Portland will experience a strange surge in the grunge music movement.

...and for the first time in the city's history, it wont be known as Seattle Jr.

5. We hate Kobe.

6. And Jeter.

7. There's this general sense of resentment towards A-rod because he punked out for a bigger contract, but a love towards Ken Griffey Jr. because he punked out of Seattle but ended up experiencing a injury curse of biblical proportions. Seriously, read Job 4:15 "And thalt talented Griffey pinched hiseth testicallas in his jock strappeth."

8. You'll never see so much flannel at a sporting event then in the Northwest.

9. Never stop in Spokane, Wash. with a Portland Pilots T-shirt on.

10. People just don't get drunk at sporting events, like you southern folk like to do and then take it out on farm animals, we get hammered, pass out, wake up the next morning and write "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

God bless the Northwest.