Other people that should get their own muppets

Kobe Bryant and Lebron have their own muppets, what's stopping other people from getting their own commercial muppets?

(And by the way, I still can't get over how Kobe's muppet looks nothing like him and doesn't sound like him at all. It's not even wearing a Lakers jerseys)

1. Jonathan Papelbon - Not only could it dance to Flogging Molly but it could also strike out muppet A-rod, which would actually just be a sack of crap on a stick.

2. Stephon Marbury - Steve and Barry's may have gone out of business but their pitchman lives on since he has his no defunct shoe logo tatooed on his skull. A muppet of equal craziness has to be made. Although somebody should probably put a tracking device on the thing so it doesn't go bat crazy and start ripping people's throats out.

3. Adam Morrison - You wouldn't see this muppet out on an NBA court though.

4. Mark Few - Actually, the real life Mark Few is about the size of a muppet.

5. Jose Conseco - It could just walk around accusing everyone of steroid use, and it's crowning moment would be when it outed the Olson Twins for using PEDs.

6. Pacman Jones - Muppet strippers are much cheaper than real strippers.

7. Peyton Manning - with a permenant "Manning Face" ... thank you Bill Simmons for coining that term.

8. "Press Box Hot" Female - it doesn't take much to make a homely muppet right? Thank you Bill Simmons for coining the term press box hot.

9. Casey Knopik - This strange little muppet would chase around squirrels and hike up muppet sized mountians. Which are actually just large trash cans covered in felt.

10. Katy Perry - Is it possible they could give her more cleavage than the real life Katy Pery in her Vegas song music video?

Pacman Jones cant even make it on Pros vs. Joes

The only things that are dumber than Pacman Jones is:

(1) a pet rock.
(2) that guy that got his brain removed in "Planet of the Apes."
(3) Montana Grizzly fans
(4) Mike Tyson
(5) The Tennessee Titans for letting this poor excuse for a man into the NFL.

Read my lips: Pacman Jones is a complete moron. Not only did his screw himself out of big money by "thugging" himself out of the NFL but now he can't even keep his head on straight when he's a washed-up athlete on "Pros vs. Joes"

LA Times sports writer Sam Farmer stopped by the set to casually observe a bunch of young never-weres compete against numerous pro athletes on the downside of their career. One confrontation occurred between Jones and former Holy Cross linebacker Dan Adams:

Anyway, Adams stuck Jones at the goal line, jarring loose the football. It was pretty funny, because Jones had been talking trash to that point, referring to Adams as "Waterboy." A few minutes after the hit, the two exchanged punches and had to be separated.

"He hit me 10 yards out of bounds, kind of a cheap shot," Adams said. "I couldn't sit there and not retaliate. You've got to have some pride and dignity."

As for the oft-suspended Jones, released by the Dallas Cowboys after the season, he didn't seem too concerned about how he came off on camera.

First, Pacman, you couldn't even be a WATERBOY in the NFL right now so I wouldn't be trash-talking at the moment. And I'm sorry, but when you're on pros vs. joes, pride and dignity go out the window.

And the funniest thing, Pacman brought his posse to the shoot, says a source close to the show.

"His crew of thugs were scarier than him...but he did bring it for the show...and he was serious about kickin these guys' asses."

Well, the only touchdown Pacman Jones will be making now is sitting on the couch to take a hit from a bong. True Thug Life.

The one guy I can compare Jones to is a former friend of mine who has half a Seattle Space Needle tattooed on his chest because he ran out of money halfway through the process. Wow.

And baseball has a steroid problem

I love how Major League Baseball has image problems because of performance enhancing drugs, and the NBA is apparently a thug league, while NFL players get to do this...

Petition claiming plaintiff was assaulted by defendants Davis and Bennett, who play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, while a patron at defendant IHOP. Specifically, Davis became drunk and belligerent, addressed two female patrons as "sluts" and "whores," and yelled "where's my m*****f****** food?" Defendant Bennett then appeared in the parking lot and brandished a handgun to plaintiff and asked "is there a problem?"

Apparently they didn't like the pancakes.

Here the full story from Deadspin, this is one of those instances where you're like "really, an IHOP? What can happen next? Pacman Jones shoplifting the latest copy of Madden from GameStop."

I don't know why this isn't a bigger issue, but NFL players have the biggest problem with violence, by far. However, since we're obsessed with professional football, we like to look the other way.

On the bright side though, nobody shot themselves in the leg.

Epic Photo: Pacman Jones

To commemorate Adam Jones latest escapades... here's a photo for your enjoyment.

Life after college...

Ever wonder why your favorite professional sports player (or in this case, Kyle Orton of the Chicago Bears) goes and does something really dumb at the bar? Because while every year numerous kids graduate from college, they don't actually graduate mentally for college. That transition usually comes after you have kids, marriage, mortgage and a swollen prostate. Hence when professional athletes get drafted, the don't become professional athletes overnight, they're still college kids -- just with a crapload of money.

Hence, Pacman Jones making it rain.

However, some things do change after college, and it's usually this:

1. In the eyes of your parents, you go from becoming a student full of promise working hard for good grades -- to a deadbeat without a job.

2. You suddenly feel old using Facebook.

3. Now instead of your college calling and asking why tuition hasn't been paid yet, it will be calling and asking for a donation as an alumni... every single week.

4. That crappy college car that was acceptable in society is now just a crappy car and any chance you had of getting a girlfriend is rusting away quicker than your front bumper.

5. If you wake up and go out in sweatpants, you're officially a douche.

6. Now when you talk to foreign exchange students you're just a creep.

7. Ultimate Frisbee is no longer cool.

8. However, company softball games are.

9. If you got back to watch one of your college's athletic events, you've got to wear a ridiculous sweaters or outdated hats celebrating it's 1993 bow game.

10. Fart wars kind of lose their luster.