Shaq should become a professional wrestler

Again, did I ever mention how much I find Shaq entertaining?

Epic Photo: Panda Shaq

Thanks to Deadspin for again showing us why Shaq is awesome.

Advice Shaq will have for Lebron

1. If it itches, you'd better get it checked by a doctor.

2. When you beat the Lakers in the Finals, ask Kobe how your championship and crown-wearing a-- tastes.

3. Make a movie about being a genie, it will be a hit.

4. Here's the thing about the Orlando Magic - you're more likely to find somebody who has ridden "Pirates of the Caribbean" 20 times in a row than somebody that's been to every Magic home game last season.

5. When it doubt, say your name and add "Daddy" after it.

6. If you're a teammate with Mark Madsen, don't let him go out on the dance floor when you guys are out on the town.

7. When you refer to the Cavaliers, just call them "Voltron." You'll gain instant kudo points right there. When's the last time MJ made a 80s cartoon reference? And Space Jam doesn't count.

8.You know if you really wanted to, you could probably just play all the home games like Phil Jackson.

9. Land of the Lost... terrible movie.

Epic Photo: Why we love Shaq

This is from Shaq's Twitter feed.



Freakin' Priceless.

Northern Rangers: The search for Bigfoot

The Pacific Northwest is home to a variety of creatures. Some more popular than others. Slugs, moss and Ken Griffey Jr. are big but nothing is more talked about in the area than Sasquatch (or big foot). Sasquatch, who shouldn't be mistaken for John Travolta in battlefield earth, has appeared in many movies including Harry and the Hendersons.

And while Harry was plenty famous for a Sasquatch, no Sasquatch got more tv time than Squatch.

Long had we seen the furry phenomenon roaming around the Seattle SuperSonics bench. His pastime included launching t-shirts into the crowd of the Key Arena and scaring other NBA players. However, when the team up and moved, it appeared the furry guy didn't make the trek down to Oklahoma City.

He dropped out of public life. The Sonics move caused him to stop attending his Monday night bowling league and occasionally pulling his signature practical joke by eating the neighbor's dog.

He traded in his larger than Shaq sneakers for his bare feet and disappeared into the woods around Mount Rainier.

This got the Northern Rangers of Just South of North thinking, what happened to Squatch? We decided to see if we could do what no cryptozoologist has done before: find Bigfoot.

Brandon covered the east part of the state, while Casey scoured the western half.

Brandon first started in Spokane, famous for it's Gonzaga Bulldogs and strange inhabitants that roam the streets - known as Spokies. He figured Sasquatch could easily blend in with this very non judgemental crowd.

After staking out downtown Spokane, the only thing Brandon caught was a nasty case of frostbite (have you been in eastern Washington in February? yikes) and an awkward run in with a lady wearing a very large fur coat. She didn't have to call the cops, it was an honest mistake.

Meanwhile, in western Washington Casey wasn't having much luck either. He had decided to start at the last place anyone had seen the Sasquatch--Key Arena. Upon entering, Casey was shocked to see the musical "Oklahoma" being performed. He decide the air was a bit chilly, and stayed to watch.

He then realized that the actors were actually the former players of the Western Washington University football program. They were still on scholarship even after the University canceled the sport and had to do something involving extracurricular activities.

With that, Casey got up and left. He decided that looking for Sasquatch on a cold night would be more beneficial.

Back on the eastside, Brandon was busy tracking what he thought to be Sasquatch tracks along the Spokane River. It actually just turned out to be a large goose that he had been tracking. Upon seeing Brandon the goose attacked. After fending off the beast, and finding some Neosporin to treat all the peck marks he had, Brandon seriously considered giving up on the search. He called Casey and decided that the Northern Rangers were a lot like the Scooby Doo characters, they worked a lot better together then when they split up.

Brandon arrived in Seattle to meet Casey at Starbucks. Little did he know that in Seattle there is a Starbucks on every corner. After wandering into about 47 Starbucks he finally stumbled into the correct Starbucks with considerable bewilderment, Brandon wondered why Casey was just sitting and sipping a Latte. Casey also was wondering, wondering why Brandon had peck marks all over his body.

"Why aren't you looking for Sasquatch?" asked Brandon.

"Well, actually I got bored and got on Facebook instead," replied Casey. "And much to my amazement, guess who I found on here?"

"Hannah Montana?"

"Nope, one more guess."

"Ross Perot?"

"Well, yes, but I found him last week. No, Sasquatch."

Brandon quickly switched to the "About me section" and the Northern Rangers saw that Sasquatch's current location, thanks to the social networking site, was rooming with Bill Buckner in Idaho.

We had finally tracked down the elusive creature known across the globe

After putting much thought into it, we decided that the best thing to do would be to sell the big guy's location to the highest bidder. After all, we were freelance journalists and could use the extra money. I wonder what happened to him after that?

Well, you know we're all about the outdoors here at JustSON, so any chance to conserve nature... save the planet... all that stuff.

Ah who are we kidding, Brandon has already eaten a half-pallet of Sasquatch Jerky. Maybe he'll inherit Squatch's basketball abilities and be able to jump more than two inches. Either that or he'll actually be able to grow in a full beard now. We'll see...

Dwight Howard is a god

I watched Dwight Howard absolutely crush the Boston Celtics on the boards tonight, which allowed his squad to squeak out a 84-82 victory over the defending NBA Champions. That clinched the Southeast Division for the Orlando Magic and moved them percentage points ahead of the Celtics as the second-best team in the Eastern Conference (behind Cleveland of course).

And I don't know if it was the high definition TV I was watching, or the fact that he wears jerseys two sizes too small but my god - Dwight Howard is ripped. That is probably why he was able to get 21 Rebounds and 24 points tonight. He's like an athletic Shaq, complete with the goofiness that makes you want to root for him.

The only knock I have against Howard is sometimes he disappears offensively in big moments of the games, but seems to be able to make clutch rebounds - if that is even considered a viable stat - possibly the best clutch rebounder in the game. Nobody can touch him when he wants to ball.

And if you didn't notice, we're headed to one of the best NBA playoffs in recent history. We've got Cleveland, Boston, Orlando and LA all looking very good. I could very easily see any one of those teams winning a championship.

And the best part is Dickie V won't be calling the game.

Dont drink from the Kobe Haterade

Mr. Bryant won co-MVP honors with Shaq last night during the NBA All-Star game in which the West battered the East 146-119 and after watching one of the awkwardest sideline interviews in television with the Diesel and Kobe Bryant where the big guy basically said he's not going to talk about his friendship with Kobe, for a second there I actually felt sorry for him.

While they were interviewing Shaq, Kobe was sitting right next to him and said absolutely nothing. When they asked Shaq who should be the MVP this season if both were in the running, Kobe pointed towards Shaq. Shaq, obviously pissed that the sideline reporter kept probing him with questions about his friendship with the Lakers' superstar and the past between them basically said "I'm happy to be here."

Had it been Dwight Howard doing all the pointing in the obvious politically correct move, there probably would have been a feel good column about how much respect he has for Shaq and blah, blah, blah, blah. But instead, it's Kobe, so we'll probably just find some sort of insult to throw his way.

Kobe is one of those guys that is about as polarizing as you can get. I can understand how people find him smug, ball-hogging and generally unlike-able. Some guys just have this aura about them and he definitely fits the bill for that.

But one gets me is the people that deny that he's a great player. It's like denying that the sun rises every morning or that CSI:Miami is a bad show.

I know all you former high school athletes out there don't like the way Kobe carries himself on the court, even though you probably did the same smug thing when you were lighting up the West Pioneer League 1B Circuit. But hey, had you made it to the NBA you would have been all smiles and giggles.

Sorry, Kobe Bryant is a great player, probably top 20. Regardless of how he is as a person, his stats and performances always seem to back that up.

81 points in one game? 60 points in Madison Square Garden. It seems that he's almost getting better with age and nobody - especially the NBA player that just got elbowed in the eye on the drive to basket - will complain about his competitiveness.

Now all you Kobe-haters out there will say that he doesn't care about the team, and only looks out for himself. Wrong. Just slightly.

He wants to win. Plain and simple. That's why he always wants to take the shot at the end of the game (What? Pau Gasol isn't exactly "Mr. Clutch") and if his teammates are having a particularly terrible showing, he'll clam up and turn into Madonna when everyone made fun of her religion. Not because he's worried about his own stats, but because he wants to win the game and feels that his teammates aren't backing him up.

And it's selfish, because everyone is going to have bad nights, even the Lakers, but don't say he's just looking out for himself. He's not the first player to have this attitude on all levels.

So if you hate him, fine, but don't talk NBA out of your butt and tell me he's not a good player. Then you're just being ignorant and probably should just go back to writing "talking points" for the Bill O'Reilly Show.

And just for the record. I can't stand Kobe Bryant off the court. But hey, I can respect his game.

Epic Video: Proof that Shaq is a dirty player

We recently showed you a video where Shaq fouled Rodney Stuckey with such malice that he should have been kicked out of the league, and now I have further video proof that the big man is a dirty player.



Where is Commissioner Stern when you need him?

Epic Video: Rodney Stuckey is lucky to be alive

Shaq, I hate your guts now.

Me Shaq. Me get mad. Me like to run.

Shaq is back in the West. Yet, there are many sceptics that question wheather he will be a good fit in Phoenix. Shaq does not like people who say he won't fit in on the Suns. These comments make Shaq mad. So mad in fact, that he is quoted as saying, "I'm very upset. You just don't want to get me really upset. When I'm upset, I'm known to do certain things- like win championships."

Wait, hold on a minute Mr. Shaq. Did you just say that when you get mad you win? I don't want to be the Debby Downer, but how do you win, when you're sitting on the bench?

Other skeptics have said that he won't fit in because of the fast paced run style the Sun have. To them Shaq said, "People assume I can't run. I love you run."

Again, sorry to inturrupt you Mr. Shaq. But when was the last time you actually ran? And not after the ice cream truck. Yeah, that's what I thought.

Anyway, enough picking on Shaq. He is still a good player and will probably make an impact on the Suns. But seriously, NBA players switch teams faster than kids hyped up on sugar run around the fairgrounds.

National Boring Association