January 29, 2008

Something you should know about Northwest sports fans...

The NFL is just now getting a taste of the pent-up frustration that Northwest sports fans have been experiencing for years. It's not easy being up here in a far-off corner of the country, basically written off by everyone as part of Canada. You'll hear this often on ESPN...

"(Generally overrated running back who's name rhymes with John Halemzander) doesn't get as much media attention because he's tucked up in the great unknown Northwest, a place that we're pretty sure doesn't have electricity yet. Must be tough for John."

However, if you East Coast pundits, Southern California Yuppies, Midwest Sodbusters and Southern loons should understand is that we're just as passionate and excited about our sports scene as you guys. Consider the following...

1. When you go to a Apple Cup, chances are you're either going to say F*** the Cougs or F*** the Huskies. Why? Because both respective fan sections chant this. At the same time.

2. We still think Warren Moon is a God, and that John Kitna was probably a mistake by God.

3. 116 wins, no World Series. We still wake up in the middle of the night because of this one.

4. If the Super Sonics move to Oklahoma City, Portland will experience a strange surge in the grunge music movement.

...and for the first time in the city's history, it wont be known as Seattle Jr.

5. We hate Kobe.

6. And Jeter.

7. There's this general sense of resentment towards A-rod because he punked out for a bigger contract, but a love towards Ken Griffey Jr. because he punked out of Seattle but ended up experiencing a injury curse of biblical proportions. Seriously, read Job 4:15 "And thalt talented Griffey pinched hiseth testicallas in his jock strappeth."

8. You'll never see so much flannel at a sporting event then in the Northwest.

9. Never stop in Spokane, Wash. with a Portland Pilots T-shirt on.

10. People just don't get drunk at sporting events, like you southern folk like to do and then take it out on farm animals, we get hammered, pass out, wake up the next morning and write "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

God bless the Northwest.


  1. joe 'the philosopher' jureviciusJanuary 30, 2008 at 10:56 PM

    dude, its 'jon' kitna, not 'john' kitna. please. you're making northwest fans look bad.