February 28, 2010

US-Canada Hockey game blog

Okay, I may be near death with the plague (seriously, I don't know what I have but I fully expect body parts to start falling off), but whatever, I am live blogging the US-Canada gold medal hockey game since it's going to be an absolute slugfest.

Hopes for today... "Blame Canada" gets played once. And Don Cherry does a duet with Prince. That's all I ask for.


12:08 - Al Michaels in the booth... Oh you sly sly sly dogs NBC. "Do you believe in completely plausible victories by NHL all-star teams... yes!"

12:12 - The coolest thing about this game being against Canada instead of the USSR. When the Russians lost, they just went home in disgrace. If the Canadians lose, they will be expected to commit Seppuku.

12:15 - Could team USA come out in Mighty Ducks uniforms. Quack! Quack! Quack!

12:24 - Wait, Al Michaels is not calling the game? Just "in studio"... what the heck NBC? You dropped the ball. 

Side note, lets see how times I call Sidney Crosby a pile of crap. I hate that guy.

12:29 - Seems like the Canadians are coming out as the more physical team but team USA has been moving the puck well. Other than a 4 on 2 opportunity by Canada, they haven't been pushing the puck very well. And I'm sorry folks, I'm a novice when it comes to hockey, so this analysis could be completely wrong. Send me death threats if that's true. 

12:33 - Thanks Snooki on twitter.   
Sn00ki Ice skating! http://tweetphoto.com/12849412
Glad she found that guy she was always looking for.

12:36 - Does anyone else think Team Canada should just be wearing Molson beer ads as their jerseys?  

12:40 - Canada scores, and the roof on Canada's Hockey Place nearly is blown off. The goal scorer? Johnathan Toews might have a high school named after him by the end of the day. I can't describe how pumped this Vancouver crowd is.

12:42 - A tripping call gives Canada a power play opportunity, with six minutes to go in the first period. I have to say that this is one of those "The Russian is cut!" moments from Rocky 4, except the Russian is Team USA.

12:45 - Twitter update,  
I hate Jonathan Toews
And for the record, Sean did not post a photo of him and Snooki.   

12:49 - This crowd for Canada is great. The Canadian flags waving in the croud, everyone wearing red, and plenty of homemade signs. This has a very soccer-crowd in Europe feel to it. Like I seriously fear for the safety of the American fans in the stands.

12:52 - End of the first period, Canada 1, USA 0, and we have our first fight. "Angry players have been parted" ... so awesome, even though the US is losing, I'm loving every moment of this. And keep in mind I'm pretty sure I just coughed up my spleen.

12:55 - When Disney makes a movie of this game, William Dafoe needs to play Canada's head coach (and former Spokane Chiefs head coach!) Mike Babcock. Better yet, crazy William Dafoe impersonating the Green Goblin needs to play Mike Babcock.

12:56 - From somebody on Facebook who knows hockey waaay better than I do
Joel Willits - I guess Getzlaf can just do anything today without a penalty. Hate that idiot.

He's talking about Ryan Getzlaf, and after I looked him up on Wikipedia, I found this photo

Wow, he certainly looks like a douche.

1:03 - Even more game analysis from Facebook, because when I can get free content from people who know more about hockey than I do... I just got to put it on my blog!

Dylan Kitzan - 1-0 bad guys after one. Could be better, could be worse. USA is only a lucky bounce away from a 2-on-1 with the way Canada is forechecking.

1:05 - Did anyone see that "Parenthood" commercial and think Craig T Nelson is freakin' awesome?

1:08 - Second period has begun. And I'm pretty sure I have a fever of at least 102 degrees.

1:14 - I like how NBC keeps reminding us that this game is LIVE! Like it's some technological marvel. Come on NBC, you've been screwing us west coasters over with your tape delay coverage and then you finally pulled your head out of your arse and showed something live. Congrats.

On a side note, the US is carrying out this power play like a slightly drunk rec league team. Canada scores again.... and things are critical now for Team USA.

1:18 - Get ready for a Corey Perry High School to be built in a Canadian town near you!

1:20 - Alright Team USA, try not to suck during this power play.

1:25 - Jason Whitlock has already thrown in the towel on Twitter.
This ass-whipping was inevitable. Back to catching up on Big Love. Congrats to Canada. 

1:27 - A DEFLECTION AND A SCOOOOOOOOOOREEEE! USA 1, CANADA 2. 7 minutes to go in the second period.
Lets make this interesting!

1:29 -
Clutch Tweet by Bill Simmons on Twitter... posting the Rocky 2 training Montage. LETS GO USA!


1:33 - Jason Whitlock on Twitter.
USA USA USA!!! I knew we'd do better if I quit watching!!! Haha

1:38 - Team USA is playing much better. They need to pull out the secret weapon.

1:40 - 2-1 Canada after two. This should be one hell of a third period. 

1:55- Alright we're kicking off the third period. Here we go boys!

2:03 - Anytime Team Canada can have a goalie named Roberto, they just gotta do it!

2:08 - We're about halfway through the third period and its time for Team USA to turn it up a notch. Canada kind of seems like they're sitting back on the heels with a one-goal lead.

2:11 - Does this Vancouver crowd feel terrified? Are they about the riot. If the US scores will the place become dead quiet?

2:12 - Apparently Bill Simmons had the same thought as me.
Win or lose, let the record show that Canada's crowd sounds T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D right now. A moral victory for Team USA!

2:13 -
I think I can hear the crowd in Vancouver collectively crap themselves as the US hangs out in front of Canada's goal.

2:17 - For the record, Sidney Crosby sucks. 

2:19 - Can we get Team Canada's women's curling come out on the ice in those skin-tight body suits? That would be AWESOME. 

2:21 - Less than four minutes to go. Come on US! We need a goal! 

2:24 - Just over a minute to go. USA just pulled the goalie. Crunch time. 

2:29 - 

2:31 - Team USA scoring with 30 seconds to go to force overtime. You might as well have threw an infant baby on the ice because the crowd in Canada's Hockey Place went completely silent. Love it.

2:34 - Oh Jason Whitlock
Every time I watch hockey I wonder why I don't watch it all the time. Did anyone play Sega hockey? Best video game all time.  

2:36 - Best tweet so far GregCappel @sportsguy33 would Gus Johnson still be alive if he were calling this?

2:38 - Is the NBC studio guy crying because this game is so awesome? Lets see that happen in any other sport. 

2:45 - Start of overtime. The Canadian crowd does not sound or look happy at all. Watching in high def... all the canada fans are standing and looking like they want to hang themselves.

2:52 - Why is the Olympics so much different from the NHL in terms of overtime. This 20-minute overtime is so weird.

2:53 - Well said Matt Hasselbeck
MatthewHass8 This game is almost as good as some of the epic Sega NHL 95 games I played in college

2:54 - Dammit 

For the record. Sidney Crosby Sucks. Is a horrible person, and I just hate him so much right now.

2:56 - Sidney Crosby, I hope Alexander Ovechkin goes Tonya Harding on your kneecaps for the remainder of the NHL season. 

3:00 - Joel Willits I wish I could punch that asshole Crosby right in the newts.

3:04 - Team USA looks like they're being handed radioactive material from Chernobyl ... oh wait, those are silver medals. 

3:11 - Classy Canadian crowd during the medal ceremony. Still a big downer. Heck of a hockey game though.


  1. I just disturbed everyone in my office from laughing so hard at this awesome play-by-play. Thanks for the memories. We live an hour from Buffalo and are huge Sabres fans. I just want to bear hug Ryan Miller... and my husband wants Syd the Kid's nads in a vice. Americans have already moved on from yesterday's epic loss, but if the tables were turned and Canada had lost, we would be reading about a mass-suicide with Gretzky at the helm and the ceasing of all Labatt & Molson beer imports to the US. Both would be catastrophic.

  2. Thanks for the compliment! After seeing the dreaded "Gretzky Face" during the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics, your idea that he would lead a mass suicide is totally plausible because he looked terrifying during that whole thing.

  3. Yeah something was up with Gretzky at the opening ceremonies. He looked confused and constipated. He also held the torch flame dangerously close to his head, like he forgot it was on fire. I gasped several times and told my husband "first NBC shows the horrific Georgian luge crash over and over and over, one of the Olympic flame doo-hickys malfunctioned, and now we're gonna watch Gretzky set himself on fire?" The games got off to a really rough start...