Your guide to becoming an NHL fan

I had to put the NHL standings in the newspaper's stat section last night for the first time because, you know, the league has been on strike for months. Having grown up loving sports, hockey has been a weird black hole for me - a sport that I just haven't been able to get into. I'm assuming that you just have to Canada-ize yourself in order to get the full effect of puck fever. So here are a few things you should get youself if you want to become a hockey fan...

1. A mullet - I've been to Spokane Chiefs games, I know what kind of crowd they attract. If you want to fit in, you've got to have a mullet. If you still want to be employable... maybe just get a wig instead.

2. A Canadian flag - This should be flown proudly every time you pour maple syrup on your breakfast. Which better include some sort of bacon.

3. An NHL video game - What better way to get into the great sport than to play it against people online and call them terrible names. That's what every red-blooded North American adult should do, as long as they pepper in regular fits of anger and accusations that the other player is somehow cheating with some online hack code.

4. Creepy NHL voodoo dolls - I mean what better way to celebrate the sport then to have a small doll of your favorite player, right? I mean that's not weird or anything... wait why are you putting pins and needles in that doll?

5. Car flag - Because everyone that sees you sporting this flag will say "hey that person is really cool and they have their priorities straight!" and "boy you know what I really like, someone shoving their sports fandom in my face!" ... so please look like a convoy of hockey awesome with these car flags.

6. NHL Apron - Everytime you're cooking bacon, make sure you have the proper gear on.

7. Slap Shot - Apparently you're not a hockey fan unless you've seen this movie. Just be aware of the slightly softcore porn scenes in this film...

Don't Expect the NHL in Seattle Anytime Soon

Remember that league that plays hockey? With the talk of the new downtown arena in Seattle, there was the possibility that  Seattle could also get an NHL team. Much like how the Kings look destined to be relocated, the Emerald City could also swallow up some wayward hockey franchise. It doesn't look like it's going to happen, however, and you can blame the Canadians.

SEATTLE – Snagging the troubled Phoenix Coyotes hockey franchise for Seattle won’t be the empty-net goal some have suggested.

A deal to keep the Coyotes in Glendale, Ariz., fell apart last week when prospective buyer Greg Jamison failed to secure financing in time to meet a Jan. 31 deadline. Jamison has vowed to continue pursuit of the franchise, but is expected to meet considerable opposition from a newly elected Glendale mayor and town council that has already spoken out against the favorable conditions attached to the previous deal.

Seattle would definitely be a top candidate for a relocation of the Coyotes, but as things currently stand, Quebec City appears a more viable destination, given the speedy time frame involved. For one thing, Quebec already served as home to a National Hockey League franchise with the Nordiques from 1979-80 through the 1994-95 season and has broken ground on a $400 million arena.

Let me spell this out to you, Quebec City, which already has a strong NHL base, has already started building a stadium. Sorry Seattle, you're a bit behind in the time table. But lets be honest, did we really want a team that would stop play every four years because of a strike?

What happened to our favorite sports teams last night...

Sounders get tie, when they really, really needed a win - The Western Conference is absolutely stacked this year and by tying a depleted DC United team, Seattle now sits in fifth place in their conference. They needed this victory to keep pace with the other good teams and while it's super early, Seattle doesn't want to stand pat or tumble too far in the standings. DC was missing its best defender and starting goalie but the Sounders got shutout for the second straight game. Looks like after an offensive explosion to begin the season, Seattle is going to have to change some things up - mainly don't pass it to a triple-teamed Freddy Montero every time and expect something to happen?

Seattle improves to 3-1 despite Felix's less than super awesome outing - Four runs Felix? Really? Say it aint so! Good thing the Mariners offense has looked impressive in their past two games. The M's won 8-7 despite blowing a 7-1 lead they had through four innings. Felix got the win, which is slightly funny because usually when he gives up a run he can forget about picking up a W. The M's bullpen also held up which seemed absolutely WILD to me. This win comes against the woeful Oakland Athletics and now the Mariners will test their mettle against the Texas Rangers.

Chiefs lose despite what appeared to be a buzzer-beater goal - It seemed Spokane had tied it up with a second to go but... nope. The goal was waived off and Tri-City evened up the semi-final WHL playoff series with a 2-1 victory. However, the good news is that the series comes back to the Chiefs home arena for the next two games. No doubt the atmosphere will be great in this Washington rivalry.

Josh Beckett gives up five home runs, Detroit beats Boston 10-0 - In other words, I need a drink. Apparently Beckett didn't lay off the KFC and beer in the offseason or something. I'm not mad, just bitter. An 80-win season is really going to suck.

Luke Hochevar delivers for the Royals - Casey's favorite baseball team actually had a pitcher and handled the $150 million payroll of the Anaheim Angels of Shorten Your Team Name Already. Luke Hochevar allowed just two runs in six innings and the Royals notched 12 hits in a 6-3 victory.

Eastern hockey earn automatic berth

Eastern Washington University is still celebrating their National Championship in football.

But now another campus sport is looking to bring home the championship.

The Eastern Eagles hockey team have received an Automatic Berth to the ACHA National Championship in San Jose, CA. The team did this through winning the ACHA West Region.

The News of the Automatic Berth means the team will not have to go to Logan, UT and participate in the West Regional Tournament to attempt to qualify for the National Tournament. This is the 3rd ever Automatic Berth in EWU’s ACHA history, with the other two coming in 2006-07 and 2007-08.

Information on the National Tournament can be found on the tournament site.

EWU will be in Pool C featuring the #1 West team (EWU), #2 Southeast Team (University of Miami – Ohio), #3 Central team (TBD*), and the #4 Northeast team (TBD*)

Heritage Classic 2011

Right now the Calgary Flames are taking on the Montreal Canadiens in the 2011 Heritage Classic.

The game is outdoors in the elements of McMahon Stadium in Calgary.

Oh, and to celebrate the Calgary Flames are wearing their Harry Potter uniforms. Sure hope Voldemort doesn't show up.

The Tri-Cities, where we can't figure out how to freeze ice

I hate the Toyota Center in the Tri-Cities. Why? Because it's an oversized Cosco with a hockey rink in the middle. How crappy are things there? Well...

The New Year's Eve match-up between the Spokane Chiefs and Tri-City Americans has been postponed after one period of play due to poor ice conditions at the Toyota Centre in Kennewick.

Following a collision at the Americans’ player’s bench, an approximately one-foot long hole developed in the playing surface. After a substantial amount of effort between the on-ice officials and the Toyota Center operations staff to patch the hole using various techniques, it was determined that the playing surface did not meet Western Hockey League standards, forcing the game to be postponed. The decision was reached in cooperation between Americans’ Governor and General Manager Bob Tory, Spokane General Manger Tim Speltz, and WHL Commissioner Ron Robison.

The Western Hockey League is working with both clubs and Toyota Center manager, VenuWorks, to determine a potential date for rescheduling the game. Details of that game will be announced early next week.


I'm sure those people that bought tickets were realllly happy.

Winter Classic Blues

Hey Spokane! See all that snow on those bleachers? You'll get to sit on that on Jan. 15 when the Chiefs play in the first Holiday Classic of the franchise's existence. While I've always been pumped for the idea and think Spokane will love seeing their team play in Avista Stadium, one thing that the NHL seems to be really screwing up is their outdoor games.

I mean talk about putting all your eggs in one basket. The outdoor classic was the smartest thing that the league has done in years (and the league hasn't done many smart things). They took two premiere teams and matched them up outdoors in one awesome New Years Day game. Now? What the heck are all these other outdoor games they're cutting to now? So instead of just one awesome game, there's several?

If you're going to overload people than you're going to dilute your product and the ratings and buzz will drop considerably. And why is hockey putting all their mustard into one day of the year. Your games are on Versus, no casual sports fans watch your games and other than Ovechkin and Crosby, who are marketable stars?

Perhaps the NHL should work on the overall product as opposed to one regular season game.

With that said, I'm still super pumped for the Chiefs to play outdoors.

Hockey fans are odd.

And thanks for showing us your packages guys. That's wonderful. I think Casey wears one of these when he goes to the bowling alley.

Epic Video: Goalie gets owned

I love the fake disgust by the commentator when secretly you know he was thinking "Holy crap, he just owned the goalie."

Tokarski was pretty good, right?

Yeah, he was pretty good for the Chiefs, bringing a Memorial Cup to Spokane. He's now doing some business for his NHL team, the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Tokarski, 20, is generally regarded as the Lightning’s top prospect in the their minor league system, despite being a late fifth-round draft pick, 122nd overall, in 2008. He has known hockey all his life, but did not seriously consider mastering the position of goaltender until he was 13-years-old, just four years before making his junior league debut in net for the Spokane Chiefs of the Western Hockey League. Yet, from an outsider’s viewpoint, consideration of his late decision to man the crease followed by early success only compliments his growing, yet already impressive resume.

Just remember, Tokarski saves.

Why you should watch hockey tonight... Game 7!

The Washington Capitals were the best team in hockey this season. Now they're in a Game 7 battle with the Montreal Canadians, an eight seed. Ladies and gentlemen, the Stanley Cup Playoffs! Why is this such a big deal? Because heart break is something that Caps fans are all to familair with, take it away Yahoo Sports blogger Greg Wyshynski.

In 2008, I watched from the press box as the life was slowly sucked out of Washington Capitals fans in the Verizon Center during a tied Game 7 against the No. 6-seeded Philadelphia Flyers; when "Rock The Red" optimism morphed into John Hurt looking down at his stomach in "Spaceballs" and muttering "oh no, not again." (You know, right before the alien burst through his chest and did that ragtime routine.) Their misery ended on Joffrey Lupul's overtime power-play goal.

In 2009, I witnessed the Capitals battle back from an inexplicable 3-1 deficit to the No. 7-seeded New York Rangers, forcing a Game 7 in D.C. There was a moment early in that game when the Rangers and Henrik Lundqvist nearly had a two-goal lead, but the Capitals rallied for a 2-1 victory to advance.

Later in Spring 2009, the Capitals had another Game 7 against the Pittsburgh Penguins and ... well, these memories are etched in the minds of both fan bases. Semyon Varlamov flaming out after shouldering the load for two rounds. Pittsburgh scoring five consecutive goals, including one by noted sniper Craig Adams. Marc-Andre Fleury's critical save on Alex Ovechkin's breakaway in the first period. Penguins won, 6-2, and it wasn't even that close.

Wednesday in D.C. is yet another Game 7 for a Bruce Boudreau playoff team, which is becoming a wearisome and troubling trend for his NHL tenure. This time it's the Montreal Canadiens -- the 16th-best team in the playoffs based on regular-season record -- who have rallied from a 3-1 deficit to make this a one-game series.

And it's not like Washington isn't playing well, they're getting a buttload of shots on net but anytime you get a hot goalie in net - it's a tough order. Tonight. Habs. Caps. Hell on Earth. Game 7. Enjoy.

Epic Video: Hockey players are just tougher than you

Dentist?

What Spokane Chiefs fans should do...

1. Stay away from sharp objects today.
2. Probably shouldn't watch today's sports highlights on the local new today unless you want to relive the horror.
3. Tell Cubs fans they have it lucky when it comes to haunting playoff losses.
4. Find the fan that said "We have Game 7 in the bag" and put them in a bag.
5. Avoid any vacations to Portland in the near future. In fact, avoid any references to the Rose City, the state of Oregon or anything that rhythms with Winterhawks.
6. Remember that Indians baseball starts up soon and they don't play seven game series in the NWL playoff format so you're totally safe.
7. Drink a lot. Hydrate.
8. Get ready to make fun of the Tri-City Americans when they're knocked out of the playoffs.

How to blow up at a ref

Most baseball managers kick dirt on home plate, in hockey... you do this.

US-Canada Hockey game blog

Okay, I may be near death with the plague (seriously, I don't know what I have but I fully expect body parts to start falling off), but whatever, I am live blogging the US-Canada gold medal hockey game since it's going to be an absolute slugfest.

Hopes for today... "Blame Canada" gets played once. And Don Cherry does a duet with Prince. That's all I ask for.

SEE THE FULL GAME BLOG HERE.

Epic Video: A backyard rink in progress

Even though I'm a hockey newb... this is still a thing of beauty.

Reasons why I'd rather play soccer than hockey

Do you realized it took them decades to think that maybe the goalie should wear a mask for hockey? I'm not genius, but I would think a hard chunk of rubber sent hurtling towards your head would cause you to think of protective measures earlier than 1959. That's when Jacques Plante decided he wasn't going to use his nose as a backboard for hockey players.

Should this be celebrated as a great innovation or just one of those "well duh!" moments?

Worst Hockey Jerseys Ever

The Bakersfield Condors have an interesting jersey night...

Friday night is for all of those "Smooth Criminals" out there looking to honor the "King of Pop." The Condors players will be playing their part during the game, sporting specialty jerseys which will be auctioned off throughout the night.

The night will include music and King of Pop themed promotions as well, and Condors players will even wear one white glove during the game, some of which will later be available for purchase. To top it off, everyone in the house is eligible to win one of five game-worn tribute jerseys that will be raffled off during the game.

Also, anybody with the name "Michael Jackson" or "Billie Jean" will receive free entry into the game by showing your ID.

I think minor-league sports just hit an all-time low.

Epic Photo: He's happy he got the cup

Well at least he didn't drop the cup and break it.

The JustSON of North Mailbag (These aren't made up, we promise)

We're kicking off another great feature here at JustSON. This is our first mailbag from (wink wink) user emails that I'll try to answer.

Don't you think this nude video controversy taken of a certain female ESPN sideline reporter from a hotel room peephole is just terrible?
- E. Andrews, Bristol, CT

One of my friend's first reactions to the news of a nude sideline reporter video was "how the hell did they get the video from a hotel room peephole? I thought they were one way." And that certainly got me thinking about actual hotel room privacy.

Recently it came out that the people that did this needed about $600 worth of equipment and some seriously perverted intentions. That's it.

Rest easy during your next road trip! I know I will.

Although to be fair, I doubt a video of a slightly overweight ginger walking around naked might not be quite as popular as this sideline reporter. Just a hunch.

Brandon, why don't you talk about hockey? - J. Willits, somewhere in Canada

Real hockey fans can spot me a mile away at Chiefs fans. I'm the one singing to Cotton-Eye Joe, telling players that they "need to get in a fight" with 10 seconds left in the period, and the guy that shows up to the game 20 minutes late and stands up frequently in front of people.

People can just come to the conclusion that I'm not a hockey fan. Now if I started trying to talk about a sport I know nothing about, I'd become Dave Sims.

What was the worst moment of your life? - G. Lucas, Hollywood, Calif.

For me, it was when I watched your ridiculous bastardization of my childhood in "Indiana Jones 4" Mr. Lucas. It was so bad that I can't watch the old Indiana Jones movies anymore without thinking of that guy named like a chick from the Transformer movies and aliens.

For Casey, it was when he discovered the Eastern Bunny wasn't real. He cried in his college dorm room for days.

Why is it that one of you guys is engaged, and the other one can be seen on weekends at Star Trek conventions doing his William Shatner impression? - D. Phil, Los Angeles, Calif.

Two paths in life actually. One of us spent his free time working out and developing a healthy social life. The other watched SportsCenter for 18 hours straight one day, passed up a free date with a girl to go to a Shock game and has the same diet as John Madden. You mix and match which one is Casey and which one is me.

Well that's it for the mailbag, if you have any more questions... send it to our email on the right.