Things I'd rather have than Clipper Tickets

1. A mutant form of the Swine Flu that has fused itself with an STD.
2. Joba Chamberlains Meth-addicted mom as a roommate.
3. Knuckle hair. Lots of it.
4. A malfunction on my television that only allows me to watch the Canadian Broadcasting Network.
5. Large child-bearing hips.

Or what do you think? Should I break down and become a Clippers fan?