December 10, 2012

Who had a better chance than the Cardinals yesterday?

The Arizona Cardinals should have just not showed up yesterday. They got smacked around by the Seahawks, 58-0, in a game where Seattle scored the most points in franchise history and the margin victory was fourth highest in the NFL record books.

In other words, don't expect Arizona at the Super Bowl this year and don't expect Ken Whisenhunt to keep his job after the season. The Seahawks? We'll they're in the drivers seat to the players and look to be getting the fifth seed in the NFC.

Without further delay, here are things that had a better chance then the Arizona Cardinals yesterday...

1. The French vs. Nazi Germany - I mean the French were in the war for like a month before they got invaded? Like, who needs tanks to fight wars? Certainly not the French!

2. Saddam Hussein vs. the U.S. Military - Despite their best efforts, the Arizona Cardinals radio announcers couldn't quite pull off the "The Seahawks will regret running up the score!" act with their team crumbling around them. At least Baghdad Bob had a news station to report to, I'm assuming the Cardinals game was taken off the air in Arizona by halftime.

3. Windows Vista vs. an Apple Computer - Microsoft screwed something up when they decided "I know! Lets make computers slower!"

4. Opponents to Legalizing Pot - Yeah that went well in Washington didn't it? Now the cops aren't rushing around trying to arrest high school kids riding their BMX bikes around the block.

5. MySpace vs. Facebook - It's still alive, but I think MySpace is a zombie now.

6. North Korea vs. the US in the Olympics - Little tip to North Korea, make sure your athletes aren't starving when they show up to their event.

7. The Death Star vs. Luke Skywalker - Although the Cardinals didn't have just one tiny exhaust port open, the whole freakin' ship was sinking faster than the Titanic.

8. Space Marines vs. Aliens in "Aliens" - I know they had a bunch of guns, but acid-filled aliens with super strength and super sharp claws and tails aren't exactly an easy target. Good thing against 120 Aliens you sent 12 Mariners. Reaaaal smart.

9. Koopa Troopas vs. Mario - Wait! The good guys have a fat Italian plumber? Nooooooooo!

10. Red Shirts in Star Trek vs. Death - If you're wearing a red shirt in Star Trek and you appear before the opening credits, you're sooooooooo screwed.

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