Commentating my trip to the local Spokane buffet line

We're here at the Timbersomething buffet and grill for Brandon Hansen's end of season bowling league meeting. It's been a long trek to get to this point but Brandon has consumed plenty of Bud Light Limes and Chicken Strips to get to this point.

Matching up with him today will be roughly nine different types of meat, assorted rolls, mac-and-cheese, steaks the size of small babies, the food they were supposed to give to swine flu victims and a consortium of CC Sabathia's leftovers.

Let's see what Brandon will choose first, since he's already among the eating leaders in the league so far. Anytime this guy is up to the plate at the buffet line, you can expect him to get around the bases mores than a couple of times. His plate per buffet visit average is roughly 3.5, or in other words... he's a fat bastard.

Brandon pushes the eighty old lady aside to get to the Chicken Fried Steak, spin move, stiff arm, and he's in for not one, but two steaks. This guy is a trooper. Captain Intangibles they call him. When his team needs him to consume whatever the heck is left on the table, he usually comes through.

What a minute, that roll is coming down the tray rack. This is going to be close. Will Brandon be able to make the play on it? It's rolling right to him, should be a can of corn.

GOOD GOD! IT WENT THROUGH HIS LEGS... IT WENT THROUGH HIS LEGS!!!! IN ALL MY YEARS OF BROADCASTING I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!!!! THROUGH HIS LEGS!!!!!

You know, anyone putting blame on Brandon should realize that in all actuality it was the guy who put the rolls in the serving area in the first place who is at fault here. Let's hope this kind of thing doesn't haunt Brandon for the rest of his career.

Well for Fox Sports, this is World Extreme Buffet Eating and we're signing off, just after Brandon gets back from the hospital to treat his diabetes.

It's day 2 and all is pretty much right in the world

I know there's 161 more games to go for the Red Sox, but you've got to start somewhere, like today's opening 5-3 victory over the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Beckett pitched nicely, striking out ten and giving up only one earned run. However, the real star of the game... this guy...

God bless Dustin Pedroia, who hit a homer in the first. The baseball player formerly known as Jason Varitek also went yard against the Devil Rays. Great start for Sox fans - even though they have a long ways to go.

Now you may wonder why I have a picture of the New York Yankees on this blog... well buckaroos, yesterday in their season opener, the $161 million dollar man CC Sabathia sucked it up on the mound in his first outing for the pinstripes. He didn't get through five innings, gave up six runs and didn't record a single strikeout. Marky Mark, or better known as Mark Teixeria went 0-for-4 and stranded five runners. In the end, the Yanks lost 10-5 to the Baltimore Orioles.

And the best part about it is I'm pretty sure somebody robbed the Yankees team bus of their tires and left the thing on cinder blocks. That's the kind of wonderful town that Baltimore is. As my buddy Colin (who went to school at the University of Maryland) would say "there are apartments in Baltimore that only have three walls, you do the math. Yeah it's a dump."

And this? This is a photo of your 2009 Seattle Mariners blowing a 5-3 lead in the bottom of the ninth. Somebody please bring back Heathcliff Slocumb.