February 2, 2008

The Empire Strikes Back (for the 4th time)

Tomorrow is the day. The Super Bowl is finally here. The biggest football game of the year is even bigger this year as the New England Patriots look to become the second team in NFL history to have a perfect regular season and then win the Super Bowl.

They also would become the first NFL team to go 19-0.

But this Patriots team is no stranger to the big game, oh and no stranger to winning it either. It’s because of that that I dubbed them a few posts back The Evil Empire. Yes, many wondered what to call a dynasty that grew even more powerful, and Evil Empire is it.

As for the New York Giants, they are far from glamorous. Their last Super Bowl they lost to a Trent Dilfer led Baltimore Ravens. (Oh, and the Ravens cut Dilfer after the win and have sucked horribly bad since. Way to go guys)

Anyway, the Giants are still living in the glory of upsetting the Buffalo Bills in Super Bowl XXV. That was a long time ago. Plus, this Giants team must now face the Empire that is the Patriots and for that reason they have become the Rebel Alliance.

But both sides need characters to fully complete the transition, so here is the list of players in the game.

Evil empire

Tom Brady – Evil Anakin Skywalker (pre Darth Vader)
I say pre Darth Vader because Darth Vader was such a badass, while everybody hated Anakin. Brady is too much of a pretty boy to ever be as cool as Vader.

Bill Belichick- The Sith Lord
This one is obvious. Not only were they both the leaders of the Empire, but they both wore the same torn up hoodie.

Wes Welker- Storm Trooper
Often overlooked, yet the Storm Troopers were the real heart of the Empire. Welker has proven that he is a great receiver, yet always takes a backseat to Moss.

Randy Moss- Count Dooku
The righthand man of the Emperor. Without the deep threat that Moss provides, would this team be the same? 23 touchdowns is definitely something. Dooku also chopped off good Anakin’s arm. As Moss will do to the DB that covers him.

Laurence Maroney- Darth Maul
Maul wasn’t in the story for very long but when he was, he ruled. Maroney is overlooked in the fact that Brady is on the team. But like Maul, Maroney knows how to kick some serious butt.

Tedy Bruschi- Boba Fett
The bounty hunter Fett and the head hunter Bruschi share a similar hobby. Ripping opposing characters apart.

Rebel Alliance

Eli Manning- Luke Skywalker
For some reason Manning and Mark Hamill pose a striking resemblance. Plus, Eli is the prince of a very powerful family. But for the most part, I think he forgets.

Tom Coughlin- Yoda
Coughlin usually is seen with the same facial expression as Yoda. The main difference though is that Yoda is green and Tom was brilliant red color after the Green Bay game. Although, with the frostbite, he might still turn green.

Michael Strahan- Chewbacca
Chewy was the big fuzzy guy that you didn’t take serious until he was ripping you limb from limb. Same thing for Strahan. With that gap in his teeth you are laughing at him until he grabs you for a snack.

Osi Umenyiora- Hon Solo
The new leader of the defense. Solo was always overlooked for the star Skywalker, Umenyiora is often considered the number two on this defense after Strahan. But the fact of the matter is that Umenyiora is the new leader of this D and Strahan has become the sidekick.

Plaxico Burress- Obi-Wan Kenobi
With his performance during the playoffs, Burress has become a true master of the force. Now we’ll see just how powerful his use of it is, if he plays in the game tomorrow.

Brandon Jacobs- R2D2
Reliable, durable and always there when you need him. Jacobs and R2 are always in the scene, even if over shadowed by another. For R2D2 it was Hamill, for Jacobs it’s Manning.

Amani Toomer- The Ewoks
Toomer has been with the Giants since almost they were founded. Yet, he is still overlooked. As were the Ewoks. The Empire didn’t consider them real threat until the Ewoks whooped the Empire’s butt. Perhaps Toomer will do the same.

I guess we’ll find out tomorrow if Belichick has built this Empire better than the original contractors built the Death Star. Or will Manning finally be able to use the force and pull off the biggest upset of all time.

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