To those who hate Bill Belichick

That's his girlfriend. Yeah, he's doing pretty well for himself.

Why does everyone hate the Patriots?

I've heard this from a lot of people this year:

"I hate the Patriots. They always win."

Well aren't you special! I understand the natural disposition to root for the underdog and the New England Patriots have been the best team of this decade in the NFL, hands down, but hating somebody for being successful is like being a jealous sibling. Immature.

People absolutely despise the Pats. Sure, there was spygate but the truth about that whole scandal is that every team spies on the other one and there's plenty of shenanigans going on between opposing sidelines. Keyshawn Johnson even admitted on ESPN that he would try to steal signs from the other team when split out wide on the opposing sideline. What's the difference... let's take a look at the Jet's video library, I'm sure we'll find the same thing.

I understand that you hate seeing the same team win, but that shouldn't make you get disgusted everytime you see Tom Brady. In America, we celebrate well-run, successful organizations. It's what capitalism is based on. However, the NFL is more like Soviet Russia where every team is given an equal chance of winning regardless of how crappy the ownership is. You have a New England Patriots organization that is a streamlined machine that knows how to win games - and people knock them for. I'm pretty sure this is some sort of form of reverse band-wagoning.

Sure you can be mad if your team got knocked out of the playoffs by them, or if they stole your prized wide-reciever with a trade... but people like Packer fans need to stop complaining about the Pats. You live in a small market with ugly women. Get over yourself.

The Pats aren't like other dynasties like the Yankees because it's not like they just throw money at everyone. If anything, they're tightwads, but they know where to pick their spots. Basically it's like hating Google because they're simply better than any other search engine out there.

I'm not a Pats fan, I'm a Titans fan, but I do like it when a league has well-run organizations and if you consider New England's tortured past when it comes to pro football... it's actually a pretty good story.

Now... if you want to talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers, that's a completely different story. And it's going to be a future blog. However, I would just like to say that I hate that franchise and their band-wagoning, towel-waving, d-bag fans.

Stadiums that shouldn't have been replaced...

Boston Garden Built 1928, Demolished 1997- The historical epicenter of NBA basketball for many years this was where the great Boston Celtics dynasty was built, and that could have been largely due to the building itself. Also hosting the Boston Bruins, the 15,000 seat arena was built with neither hockey or basketball in mind, it was built for boxing with the intent of allowing every person to be able to get a close look at the action.

This of course resulted in the seats being right on top of the players and the playing areas, giving it a very intimate and intimidating atmosphere. And speaking of atmosphere, there was no atmosphere in the garden, so a fog would develop over the ice during hockey games and it reached 97 degrees during the 1984 NBA Finals, and players were given oxygen to fight the heat.

It was rat infested, the electrical system occasionally failed and visitors lockers room were horrible. However, it hosted 16 Stanley Cup Finals and 20 NBA Finals and that may have had something to do with the fact that fans in the last row of the stadium was still close enough to the action to get the opposing coach to flip them off (true story) for their heckling. In Boston Sports lore, this is Holy Ground - and yet they had to tear it down for a brand new, soulless arena. What a shame...

Chicago Stadium Built 1929, Demolished 1994- Believe or not, Chicago Stadium is the breeding ground for Arena Football... kinda. Due to weather conditions outside, the first NFL playoff game was played inside its walls in 1932 on an 80-yard field.

While original capacity was 17,000, the record for an NHL game was set inside the stadium when over 20,000 people watched a Blackhawks playoff game in 1982. That record stood until 1996. The place was mammoth, and featured an grand organ that was played during hockey games which gave fan noise a loud ringing noise.

And they had plenty to cheer about when Michael Jordan and the Bulls brought some NBA Championships to Chicago. The grand scale of this venerable arena was the perfect backdrop for the budding years of the best basketball player ever.

How attached were fans? When CNN broadcasted the stadium's demolition, they showed footage of Blackhawks and Bulls fans crying.


Spokane Coliseum Built 1954, Demolished 1995 - While the Spokane Arena is probably one of the best things ever to happen to the Lilac City, there were plenty of memories to be had in the Coliseum. Affectionately called the "Boone Street Barn" many Chiefs fans were born in this building as the team really rose to prominence in the 5,400 stadium.

Ironically though, it was the Chiefs who lobbied for a new stadium but even team owner Bobby Brett expressed the opinion that he didn't want to see the Coliseum torn down. If it were still standing today, it would have provided Spokane a wonderful mid-sized arena with plenty of character and history to go along with it.

Foxboro Stadium Built 1971, Demolished 2001 - So it may have been one of the worst stadiums in the NFL, according to some (probably team owners), but Foxboro Stadium had plenty of memories. It was the site for the infamous Snow Plow Game, home of the Patriots during their mid-90s Super Bowl Run with Drew Bledsoe and the last game played in the place was the Tuck Rule Game which was a stroke of luck that allowed the New England Patriots to become the dynasty that they are today.

Why was it one of the worst stadiums? Because it was build cheaply, meaning that their were bleacher seats instead of individual premium box seating, no luxury boxes and no fancy locker rooms. Meaning that the fans that showed up to the games were true fans, not the corporate Disneyland crew that shows up to Patriot games now at Gillette Stadium, leading to many criticisms about the atmosphere at those games.

Sure it wasn't pretty, but it was a 60,000 seat snowbank that allowed fans to be fans. New England couldn't overcharge for tickets and therefore the real fans got to go to the stadium. Patriot fans long complained about their digs until it was finally gone and now they've lost something special forever.

Mile High Stadium Built 1948, Demolished 2002 - Originally built as a baseball stadium, Mile High was one of those weird multi-use stadium that worked well. Mainly because they didn't host a major league baseball team until the 90s, and mainly because the Denver Broncos provided so many memories in the place.

The high altitude, combined with the home field advantage of 76,000 fans was pretty tough for visiting teams to overcome. I know, watched many Seahawks teams go kaput there. The playing field would actually shake from fan noise and movement during games.

One of the grandstands could move so it could host baseball and when the Colorado Rockies were formed, Mile High set an all-season attendance record of close to 4.5 million that will never be broken.

While Invesco Field has tried to recreate that shaking effect, it's just not the same as the Broncos lost a certain mystique when they moved out of Mile High.

Memorial Coliseum Built 1960, still standing - The Portland Trailblazers have since moved into the state-of-the art confines of the Rose Garden, which is a marvelous facility, but there's still a special spot in Portland fans for Memorial Coliseum.

Due to its somewhat small size, just under 13,000, the place had quite the record for sell-outs when it came to Blazer games. However don't tell opposing teams that the crowd was small as Rip City has some of the most electric fans in the NBA.

Still a great facility, lets hope Portland doesn't tear it down. And what about the Blazers playing a throwback game there?

How the Patriots plan to replace Tom Brady

Well now that the Patriot's season is absolutely dicked without Tom Brady, they're going to have to find a way to replace him since their backup might as well be the hot dog guy that hangs out in downtown Spokane. Here's some suggestions:

Bring in Shane Falco
I know he had a bad Sugar Bowl, but Ohio State always chokes in the big games. You can't put in squarely on the shoulders of Falco. Besides, he also leads the league in hooking up with semi-attractive side love story cheerleaders and knocking the opposing mascot out with a tight spiral.

Just direct snap it to Randy Moss every play
Make sure he's driving his Escalade and put a police officer and a bag of cannibis in the endzone and Moss will score every single time.

Jeff George
Why not? Everyone else in the league has had him on the roster at one point or another. And the potential Bill Bellichick/Jeff George sideline arguement would be epic.

A drunk monkey
Pay him in peanuts, give him a funny hat and people will come out to the stadium to watch it. At the very least this would be a better choice than Jeff George and still better than most of the quarterbacks in the NFC.

Dante Culpepper
Forget Chris Simms. Besides, New England isn't that far from the water, and we all know Culpepper loves to spend some "fun times" near the water.

NFL Football is here!

Which means we can basically forget about how much the Mariners suck and look forward to seeing Mike Holmgren do his best papa smurf impression on the sidelines. Just so you don't end up with turf toe, I've come up with an NFL survival guide for the season.

Don't mention the Pats one loss last season to a Pats fan
Although do mention that Tom Brady is wearing a booty. Not a boot, a booty.

Break up with your significant other
Unless of course she goes shopping on Sunday. Now I'm waiting for the "Brandon, you need a girlfriend" emails in five, four, three, two one...

Don't tell me that college football is better
Because it's not, it's a completely different sport. If the BCS decided who went to the Super Bowl and NFL squads could play warmup games against high school teams, then you might have an argument, otherwise just be quiet.

Root for Jim Zorn
If you're from the state of Washington, you will root for the head coach of the Redskins. I mean they stunk against the Giants but you've got to love Jim Zorn.

Ignore the Super Bowl Predictions
Because nobody on national television has a stinkin' clue. Do you think they watch sports once they get off work? No, they go to the bar and hit on high schoolers. Mark Chumura might have a second career...

Send an email to Brett Favre urging him to change his name to Cuatro.
That would be... awesome.

What was Big Brown thinking?

The Belmont Stakes proved to be an incredible bust for Big Brown, who won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness only to fall short in the third leg of the Triple Crown. What was very odd about the whole deal was how the horse wasn't able to kick into his "extra gear" around the third turn of the Belmont.

The Jockey even admitted to "not having a horse" by the end of the race which meant that it just didn't want to run. What was going through Big Brown's head at that moment? He had a chance of glory and choked on a bigger scale than A-Rod, the Patriots and Coach Bombay playing in pee-wee hockey.

Here's what I think could of possibly been going through his mind...

1. This horse in front of me has some major ass gas, why the hell would I want to get closer?

2. I'm a horse, I have no idea why all these small mammals are here. I could throw off this dude sitting on top of me but he weighs like 80 pounds and I'm pretty sure the fall would kill him. Okay, he's hitting me to go faster. SCREW THAT! I'm going to head on over to this guard rail here to take a dump.

3. I want to make my owners look like complete jack-asses.

4. Really could use some 'roids at the moment.

5. Man, I'd love to win this race but I've seriously got to piss. I mean I could of done it back at the starting gate but I didn't think I needed to go this bad. Whoah, one more gallop and my bladder is going to explode.

6. Why is an elf riding me?

7. Whoah! Pony, third row on the green. Wow, what a hottie!

8. Those brownies were a bad idea. Never let Snoop Dog in my stable before a race ever again.

9. Who's the drunk guy in the first row? Oh wait, that's my trainer.

10. Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!

Anyways, I feel kind of sorry for Big Brown, his owners and trainer were classless and completely disrespectful to the sport of horse racing (they guaranteed victory) during the Triple Crown season, so it was natural for bad luck to get back to him.

And if you can, try and find video or a photo of Big Brown's trainer walking back to the stable after the race. It's like a two minute race and this dude has his entire shirt drenched in sweat.

Yikes!

Somewhere the Pats went 19-0

The poor kids will never know that the New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl. Nor do I think they really care.

The NFL donated all of the 19-0 gear to Nicaragua. This was 290 hats and shirts. At least these kids are getting use out of the gear.

It appears that each of the loosing team hats and shirts are donated to countries each season. That means that somewhere children are dancing. Somewhere children are playing. Somewhere children are laughing.

And somewhere every loser of the Super Bowl won.

Some are cheap, some are not

The New England Patriots have raised their ticket prices. My guess that is too help buy Bill Belichick a hoodie that he didn't steal from the homeless man in the parking lot.

Well, with the ticket increase, where does this put the Patriots in the standings for most expensive tickets in the NFL? Congrats, you may have lost the Super Bowl, but you win this!

Here's the Top 5:

1. New England- Well, they do win games. And Boston does love their sports. I bet they could charge a $1,000 bucks a game and still sell out every game.

2. Washington- One of the NFL's most storied franchises. Also, one of the most expensive tickets each season. Now we'll have to see if Zorn can get them past the Wild Card round.

3. Chicago- I would expect that these prices take a bit of a hit after the lackluster year the Bears had this season. Da Bears!

4. Tampa Bay- Are they still trying to pay off that stadium? Yeah, the one with the HUGE pirate ship in it. Amazing.

5. Philadelphia- These people love their sports teams. The Eagles, the Phillies. Too bad both are a disappointment each year.

And now the bottom 5:

28. Jacksonville- After the 2007 season, and the future this team has, these tickets will become a hot commodity in Florida. Almost hotter than the babes on Daytona Beach. Almost.

29. New Orleans- Well, they had one good year. But then again, the fans that could make it to a game couldn't exactly empty their wallets for a game. Now they stink again. But there is hope, they play in the NFC South, which has a new Champion each season.

30. Cleveland- This one is surprising. Browns fans go to every game, and are always supportive. I bet these tickets could be one of the more expensive in the league and still sell out.

31. San Francisco- The fans in the Bay haven't had to worry about ticket prices since the Young/Rice tandum left. And that was many many moons ago.

32. Buffalo- 2000: 8-8, 2001: 3-13, 2002: 8-8, 2003: 6-10, 2004: 9-7, 2005: 5-11, 2006: 7-9, 2007: 7-9.....in other words, they haven't been good for a really long time.

Paradise just LOST

The Miami Dolphins have started clearing house already. Releasing nine players today, including quarterback Trent Green. Green had spent the 2007 season on IR after suffering his second serious concussion.

But now the Dolphins, who are a franchise that is barely floating, need to acquire a quarterback. And fast. Because like the ABC show, they are just LOST right now.

Now this team, which has lacked a leader at coach all year, is now without a leader on the field. This is worse than when Kerry Collins just gave up on the Panthers.

Most draft boards have the Dolphins picking a defensive lineman in the draft with the number one pick. But the truth is, the Fins have an aging defensive and a non existent offense. But a rookie quarterback is not the answer for this team. They need a veteran leader who can take charge on the field, and in the locker room.

Plus, the quarterback class this year is less than stellar. Yes, I said stellar. Here's my suggestion to Bill Parcells.

Trade the number one pick for a quarterback and a later pick in the draft. There are a ton of defensive lineman this year.

So Mr. Parcells, here are the teams I believe you should be courting:

1. Arizona Cardinals- Kurt Warner

Who better to help jump kick this rebuilding than a two time NFL MVP and a Super Bowl winner? Warner didn't have a horrible year. Heck, he did better than Eli Manning did during the regular season. Plus, with Matt Leinart in Arizona, Warner won't start. Leinart is the QB of that franchise.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers- Charlie Batch

Batch is one of those quarterbacks that hardly ever gets a chance to play, but when he does he shines. You have to forget about his time in Detroit. Time spent there doesn't really count (unless you are Barry Sanders). Batch would be a great addition to the Dolphins, he's kinda the Trent Dilfer style quarterback. He doesn't make mistakes, but he doesn't really make plays either. He just doesn't mess up.

3. Dallas Cowboys- Brad Johnson

Johnson isn't a long term fix. He would just be a bandaid for the short term. Someone to help groom a younger quarterback, rather than toss them straight into the fire of a Patriots defense. Plus, somehow Johnson knows how to win games. Look at what he did last year in Minnesota.

Well, no matter what the Dolphins do, it will be a long time before they are back into the play-offs. They still have to play the New England Patriots twice, but at least they have Buffalo.

The Empire Strikes Back (for the 4th time)

Tomorrow is the day. The Super Bowl is finally here. The biggest football game of the year is even bigger this year as the New England Patriots look to become the second team in NFL history to have a perfect regular season and then win the Super Bowl.

They also would become the first NFL team to go 19-0.

But this Patriots team is no stranger to the big game, oh and no stranger to winning it either. It’s because of that that I dubbed them a few posts back The Evil Empire. Yes, many wondered what to call a dynasty that grew even more powerful, and Evil Empire is it.

As for the New York Giants, they are far from glamorous. Their last Super Bowl they lost to a Trent Dilfer led Baltimore Ravens. (Oh, and the Ravens cut Dilfer after the win and have sucked horribly bad since. Way to go guys)

Anyway, the Giants are still living in the glory of upsetting the Buffalo Bills in Super Bowl XXV. That was a long time ago. Plus, this Giants team must now face the Empire that is the Patriots and for that reason they have become the Rebel Alliance.

But both sides need characters to fully complete the transition, so here is the list of players in the game.

Evil empire

Tom Brady – Evil Anakin Skywalker (pre Darth Vader)
I say pre Darth Vader because Darth Vader was such a badass, while everybody hated Anakin. Brady is too much of a pretty boy to ever be as cool as Vader.

Bill Belichick- The Sith Lord
This one is obvious. Not only were they both the leaders of the Empire, but they both wore the same torn up hoodie.

Wes Welker- Storm Trooper
Often overlooked, yet the Storm Troopers were the real heart of the Empire. Welker has proven that he is a great receiver, yet always takes a backseat to Moss.

Randy Moss- Count Dooku
The righthand man of the Emperor. Without the deep threat that Moss provides, would this team be the same? 23 touchdowns is definitely something. Dooku also chopped off good Anakin’s arm. As Moss will do to the DB that covers him.

Laurence Maroney- Darth Maul
Maul wasn’t in the story for very long but when he was, he ruled. Maroney is overlooked in the fact that Brady is on the team. But like Maul, Maroney knows how to kick some serious butt.

Tedy Bruschi- Boba Fett
The bounty hunter Fett and the head hunter Bruschi share a similar hobby. Ripping opposing characters apart.

Rebel Alliance

Eli Manning- Luke Skywalker
For some reason Manning and Mark Hamill pose a striking resemblance. Plus, Eli is the prince of a very powerful family. But for the most part, I think he forgets.

Tom Coughlin- Yoda
Coughlin usually is seen with the same facial expression as Yoda. The main difference though is that Yoda is green and Tom was brilliant red color after the Green Bay game. Although, with the frostbite, he might still turn green.

Michael Strahan- Chewbacca
Chewy was the big fuzzy guy that you didn’t take serious until he was ripping you limb from limb. Same thing for Strahan. With that gap in his teeth you are laughing at him until he grabs you for a snack.

Osi Umenyiora- Hon Solo
The new leader of the defense. Solo was always overlooked for the star Skywalker, Umenyiora is often considered the number two on this defense after Strahan. But the fact of the matter is that Umenyiora is the new leader of this D and Strahan has become the sidekick.

Plaxico Burress- Obi-Wan Kenobi
With his performance during the playoffs, Burress has become a true master of the force. Now we’ll see just how powerful his use of it is, if he plays in the game tomorrow.

Brandon Jacobs- R2D2
Reliable, durable and always there when you need him. Jacobs and R2 are always in the scene, even if over shadowed by another. For R2D2 it was Hamill, for Jacobs it’s Manning.

Amani Toomer- The Ewoks
Toomer has been with the Giants since almost they were founded. Yet, he is still overlooked. As were the Ewoks. The Empire didn’t consider them real threat until the Ewoks whooped the Empire’s butt. Perhaps Toomer will do the same.

I guess we’ll find out tomorrow if Belichick has built this Empire better than the original contractors built the Death Star. Or will Manning finally be able to use the force and pull off the biggest upset of all time.

Congress is sticking their nose somewhere it doesn't need to be

Nevermind our foreign debt is larger than Kristie Alley, never mind we've fighting a war over in Iraq, never mind our health care system is an utter sham.

Let's have Congress spend it's time and resources trying to figure out whether or not the Patriots cheated.

Wait, didn't the NFL take care of this way back in Week 2? Is Congress now making the brave step of supposedly cleaning up the dirty sport of football?

What exactly are they trying to accomplish other than making headlines for themselves. Who wouldn't want to be the guy or gal that took down the Patriots?

Oh wait, just about every other team in the NFL tries to steal the signs of the other team on a regular basis. It's part of the game. Are you telling me that DBs and LBs aren't watching the coaches when they try to sign in an audible? Hell, Shannon Sharpe admitted that he was trying to do the same thing to defenses he lined up against when he played. And Shannon Sharpe is one real dude, how can you argue with a man who's got more Super Bowl rings than Peyton Manning.

Oh wait.. Well Peyton choked this year so I guess that statement doesn't really hold any validity.

While I agree with the fine and the lost of a draft pick, I don't see this as a tainted championship.

I see this as a team that is leaps and bounds better than the rest of the teams of the NFL.

However, it will probably take a committee in Congress to figure that one out.

Other terrible predictions that Plaxico Burress made

Awww, how cute, the media is making it seem like Giants actually have a chance to beat the Patriots. How nice of them, they're giving New York players hope leading up to a Super Bowl that will probably feature a New England team that will crush every last inch of human spirit in the G-men's body.

At least this new-found swagger has given us this rather entertaining guarantee by Plaxico Burress: A 23-17 Giants' victory.

(roaring laughter from our studio audience here at Just South of North)

I mean, has this guy watched any NFL football this season? Does he think Drew Bledsoe is still the quarterback of the team? You don't guarantee a victory over a team that has quietly gone undefeated and has shown their resolve during tough games more than once.
This is bulletin board material. Did he see how the Steelers' guarantee of victory turned out?

But we've heard that Plaxico Burress has also made some terrible guarantees and predictions in the past. Just take a list at this guys' track record.

- "That Lindsey Lohan is going to grow up to be a real role model for girls."

- "Damn, you want me to invest in a search engine called Google?!?! Google?!? That doesn't even sound like a smart investment."

- "Nirvana isn't going to be a big band, I'm going to stick with Guns and Roses."

- "Steroids isn't a big issue in baseball. I think Barry Bonds just hit the gym like a mad man, and his head growth is probably just from his ego."

- "Enron? Sign me up!"

- "I think that trip to Baghdad in the summer will be wonderful!"

- "Trust me, Wesley Snipes knows what he's doing when he handles finances."

So when you sit down for the Super Bowl on Sunday, be prepared for the biggest smackdown of your life, because the Pats are probably bringing the kitchen sink (and that kitchen sink would probably be Junior Seau's newfound gut).

And don't forget to order the NFL film DVD of the Super Bowl, we hear that they'll be getting behind-the-scenes video of the Giants locker room from the Patriots coaching staff.