Not-so-Epic Photo:This will make your skin crawl

A-Rod? Hitting a clutch home run in the bottom of the 15th against the Boston Red Sox for the 2-0 victory? Can someone please tell Yankees fans that he also tested positive for steroids in 2003 and that they should probably put away the "Roid Sox" t-shirts?

Is the Red Sox season effectively over now that Boston has had it's heart ripped out and collectively stomped on by the Yankees? By a guy that has an Oompa-Loompa tan?

Way too early in the morning to register all this.

Epic Video: Hey A-rod, you do steroids

I remember one time my buddy Dylan Kitzan telling me "With all the great things about this franchise, how could you not root for the Red Sox?" and he is completely right. One of those reasons is the fan base itself, which is insanely loyal and has absolutely no shame whatsoever when it comes to heckling the Yankees.

Epic Photo: Make that 8-0 against the New York Yankees

... and Ortiz hit his fourth home run of the year. I'm just going to savor this moment a little. Hmmm you know what's missing?

That's better!

Baseball writers have 'roid rage

Listen. I get it. 

Steroids are cheating. They're immoral. The game of baseball is not pure with players using them. But to be honest, when has the game been pure?

The L.A. Times came out with this rambling editorial about how the apathy of fans to steroids is troubling.

(I'm glad that's troubling and not the fact that our free media sees A-Rod's tipping habits at Hooters a bigger deal than him tipping pitches to opponents.)

Hmmm, maybe it's because the media has shoved it down our collective throats? And now you're blaming us, the fans, for it? Weren't you the ones with Sosa and McGwire-gasms back in the day?

And is it me, or is the baseball media the last party involved to actually figure out that players were using steroids? They're like the guy at the party that doesn't realize things are winding down so he ends up sitting on the couch drinking Keystone all night while everyone is either making out in the corner and trying the shoo him out the door.

But for the media to take the moral high ground, when they're the same entity that builds guys up and breaks them down based on performance, is ridiculous. When juicing spells the difference between millions of dollars in your next contract, and the guy in the other clubhouse who will be pitching against you is doing it, morals go right out the window.

Ask anyone normal person if they were in a position to take steroids and make millions of dollars, they'd probably do it. You'd be stupid not to. In fact, if someone said they wouldn't compromise their morals they're lying. Blatently.

And if you want to talk about pure baseball... well what about baseball before it allowed African-Americans to play the game? Baseball before the designated hitter? Baseball during WWII when the talent was so watered down I could probably play third base? How can we really count those eras of "pure baseball." 

I mean, there's no way Babe Ruth plays in this modern era of baseball. He would have been more likely to be Joe, the hot dog vendor.

Don't tell me that the golden era players wouldn't take steroids if given the chance. They wanted to win and be successful like today's players and they would have done it, no question. Heck, Ty Cobb was a card-carrying racist, and even charged into the stands Ron Artest style and beat the crap out of a fan. Apparently that's cool for baseball writers.

But somebody who's been outed as a steroid user in an entire era of steroid users probably wont get a sniff of the Hall of Fame now. Problem is, we don't know definitively who took them and who didn't. It's a complete wash. It's now who every the media decides to go after and who Selena Roberts decides to write a book about.

So L.A. Times, and baseball media in general, don't tell me I'm a terrible person for being apathetic towards steroids when you're sensationalizing and obviously benefiting from this scandal. You're as hypocritical as them come.

And why do you look the other way when if comes to the NFL? Just wondering guys....

Epic Photo: As if we haven't driven the Yankees into the ground enough.

Is it alright if I have a man crush on Kevin Youkilis?

Here are the texts conversations with my buddies that I had after Kevin Youkilis belted the game-winning home run to lift the Red Sox over the Yankees 5-4 tonight.

Dylan Kitzan (Red Sox fan): Youkilis walk off in the 11th!
Brandon Hansen: Save the Goatees! Save the Goatees! (You see, Dylan and I have this pact where will be keeping our facial hair until Kevin Youkilis' average drops below .400. This might be a long summer for us.)
Moon (Yankees fan): Fudge. (Only it wasn't fudge. It was the mother of all cuss words, it was the f***)
Brandon Hansen: Yooooouk!
Brandon Hansen to Dylan: Moon just texted me "fudge"
Dylan Kitzan: Haha, I love it.
Moon: I hope (Youkilis) dies of vd... (that's something bad for all of you out there in blogger land)
Dylan Kitzan (upon hearing the VD comment): Unless he is wearing the golden thong that the yanks passed around last season, I doubt it.
Brandon Hansen: Hey now! Keep in mind that A-rod has been sleeping around.
Moon: He's on the DL, doesn't count yet.
Moon: Could be ... He did date Madonna.

Ladies and gentlemen, your New York Yankees-Boston Red Sox rivalry. Best in sports.

What would give GMs an instant heart attack

Strangely, Boston Celtics GM Danny Ainge suffered a minor heart attack the same day that it was announced that Kevin Garnett will not be playing for the Celts in the postseason.

Coincidence? Yeah probably.

However, it does bring up an interesting question, what sports disaster would be big enough to cause a GM to have a heart attack?

1. "Congrats! Isiah Thomas is now the coach of your basketball team. (Sorry Florida International)"

2. "Stephon Marbury will be playing for your already cohesive team despite his prior track record of being a selfish ball-hog. (Wait, this already happen to Ainge)"

3. "The team has been sold to George Steinbrenner and he's decided to keep you on as GM. But if you don't win a World Series, he's killing you and your family."

4. "Guess what? We're moving the team to Salt Lake City!"

5. "We actually traded your draft picks for the rights to a Broadway Musical. Something called "Disney's High School Musical."

6. "Hope you like Latrell Spreewell"

7. "Well, I was kind of hoping to cut payroll below what he Kansas City Royals are spending on their team."

8. "Hmmm, well lets just say last night was bad. It involved a mirror, A-Rod, some questionably attractive Canadian Mounties and a lightbulb. Have fun with that in the media."

9. "So what's it like being the GM of the Oakland Raiders?"

10. "Meet our new PR guy, Jose Conseco!"

Carlos Silva's diet

There's already quite a bit of buzz around the Seattle Mariner's 5-2 start this season, however I need to say two things: it's very early in the season and you have Carlos Silva in your starting rotation. If there were ever a bigger turd of a pitcher in baseball, I'm pretty sure it would be something a dinosaur crapped out. Not convinced about his girth? This is what this man eats before he goes to the ballpark.

9:00 a.m. - Left side of the menu at IHOP
11:00 a.m. - A goat (cursed of course)
12:00 p.m. - A BK Quad combined with a small child.
3 p.m. - Whoops, better get to the stadium, where are those garlic fries?
4 p.m. - Roughly fourty pounds of Slim Jims
6 p.m. - Ryan Rowland-Smith
7 p.m. - Time to waddle out to the mound.

However, I will give the Mariners this, Erik Bedard's pitching performance against the A's in a 1-0 win to sweep Oakland was pretty impressive. Although I'm not really sure about the lineup that the A's are sporting. The AL West is not going to be a great division this year, so if the Mariners do overachieve they could be right in the thick of things.

Now lets move on to big boy baseball...

If you want to see how the Boston Media is handling the slow start for the Red Sox, well go to bostondirtdogs.com and when looking for the score of yesterday's game, you'll see it under Anaheim 5, Last Place Team 4.

Oh brother. And the Sox just put shortstop Jed Lowrie on the disabled list with a wrist injury. He could be out for a long time. He's to be replaced with Nick Green - who has a lifetime batting average of .240 and 10 career home runs (and use to play for the Yankees). Boston.com is saying that once Julio Lugo recovers from his knee surgery, he'll take over the full-time short-stop spot.

Now the team that the Mariners just swept (Oakland) will try to extend John Lester's slow start as he takes the mound tonight for Boston. Might have a late post about how that game ends up, because I'm actually really interested to see how the Sox do against a team that Seattle swept.

And A-Rod reported today to New York's spring training facility after having hip surgery on March 9. Word on the street is that they removed all mirrors from the place. ZING! I'll be here all night ladies and gentlemen.

10 pickup lines that never work

So Casey and I have had our far share of experiences sampling the various bars around the Spokane area. It's here where we've sharpened our skills to become masters of night life.

"Why are we sitting at a table to one leg shorter than the other?"

"Why are we in the corner by ourselves"

"Why is Lindsey not sitting with us?"

"Lets go home and play Halo."

It was during this time that we discovered the top ten pickup lines that will never, ever work.

1. I play for the Seattle Mariners - Unless your last name in Junior or Suzuki, you're not getting any baseball groupies. They're too busy going after the Spokane Indians and Spokane Shock players.

2. Want to see my Transformer's lunch box? Insert Justin Timberlake's "Dick in a box" joke here.

3. I was the top player at Laser Quest today, yeah I had 60 percent accuracy shooting. You know what I like to do after I do battle, yeah, I like to mate. You might want to take off the Laser Quest gear before taking a crack at this line.

4. I'm a Gonzaga student. That would explain the festive sweater vest and the backwards University of North Carolina cap.

5. I'm an Eastern Washington University student. Think you can pick up my tab?

6. I want to kiss you like A-Rod kisses himself. Do you do HGH?

7. I bowl better than the president. I might even be able to bowl in the regular people Olympics.

8. I'm a Jedi Master in bed. In other words, call me Darth Virgin.

9. Put your number on my board, Yes! Your chances at getting her number are fly, fly away!

10. I'm a ginger. Absolute worst pickup line. ever.

I love Dustin Pedroia

How could you hate this man? The 5'9" 170 pound wonder that won the AL MVP award last season and is apparently a wearer of the green Holiday Inn shirt when he likes to get his crunk on. And the second baseman for the Red Sox says stuff like this...

Tomorrow, perhaps leery of feeding a rivalry whose coverage in the tabloid press alone accounts for the destruction of several spotted owl habitats, Pedroia will ask that his comments about A-Rod be stricken from the record. ("That guy," he will say, pausing for a moment to find the right word, "is a dork.") But at this moment, here in the shade of the clubhouse, he is expansive.

A-Rod a dork? Thank you Dustin Pedroia, that's all I need to know for this upcoming season. I'm going to go out, get myself a Holiday Inn shirt, crank Tessie and Shipping off to Boston and find a Yankees fan to pick on.

Eastern Washington Update: At least we dont have a baseball team

... and we never had this guy on our roster. As much as I would like to rake A-Roid over the coals, there's a couple things you have to consider.

1. He used to play for Seattle before winning the lottery and moving to Texas. Keep in mind too that there are some pretty suspicious players on the M's roster that (cough) Brett Boone (cough) probably juiced up.

2. The roids certainly didn't help him clutch situations.

3. He's definitely not the first, nor is he the minority in Major League Baseball when it comes to use.

4. NFL players are getting arrested for drug possessions, armed robberies, conspiracy theories, aiding the Communists in Indiana Jones 4, sampling high school parties and I'm pretty sure they have something to do with global warming. Yet it's baseball with the image problem. Sheesh.

Now on to the Eastern Washington University Update. The men's basketball team swept the weekend after disposing of NAU 54-50 in a thriller at Reese Court On Saturday. Their Thursday game was obviously a lot less exciting when they jumped out to a 41-9 lead AT HALFTIME against Sacramento State. Maybe if they were juicing, the Hornets could have made double digits.

But now interestingly enough, the Eagles have won two straight after losing six straight which puts them in sixth place in the conference at 5-7. Which means that if the season ended today they would go to the Big Sky Conference tournament. Wow.

The Eagles do have to go on the road to play first-place Weber State and seventh-place Idaho State this weekend. But what could work in their favor is the tendency for the first-place team in the conference to coast through the few final games of the season. This always happens, stone-cold lock. That's why college basketball is the anti-college football, a meaningful regular season? meh.

EWU SCHEDULE (Thanks Dave Cook, EWU SID, for making my life so much easier!)

What was Big Brown thinking?

The Belmont Stakes proved to be an incredible bust for Big Brown, who won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness only to fall short in the third leg of the Triple Crown. What was very odd about the whole deal was how the horse wasn't able to kick into his "extra gear" around the third turn of the Belmont.

The Jockey even admitted to "not having a horse" by the end of the race which meant that it just didn't want to run. What was going through Big Brown's head at that moment? He had a chance of glory and choked on a bigger scale than A-Rod, the Patriots and Coach Bombay playing in pee-wee hockey.

Here's what I think could of possibly been going through his mind...

1. This horse in front of me has some major ass gas, why the hell would I want to get closer?

2. I'm a horse, I have no idea why all these small mammals are here. I could throw off this dude sitting on top of me but he weighs like 80 pounds and I'm pretty sure the fall would kill him. Okay, he's hitting me to go faster. SCREW THAT! I'm going to head on over to this guard rail here to take a dump.

3. I want to make my owners look like complete jack-asses.

4. Really could use some 'roids at the moment.

5. Man, I'd love to win this race but I've seriously got to piss. I mean I could of done it back at the starting gate but I didn't think I needed to go this bad. Whoah, one more gallop and my bladder is going to explode.

6. Why is an elf riding me?

7. Whoah! Pony, third row on the green. Wow, what a hottie!

8. Those brownies were a bad idea. Never let Snoop Dog in my stable before a race ever again.

9. Who's the drunk guy in the first row? Oh wait, that's my trainer.

10. Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!

Anyways, I feel kind of sorry for Big Brown, his owners and trainer were classless and completely disrespectful to the sport of horse racing (they guaranteed victory) during the Triple Crown season, so it was natural for bad luck to get back to him.

And if you can, try and find video or a photo of Big Brown's trainer walking back to the stable after the race. It's like a two minute race and this dude has his entire shirt drenched in sweat.

Yikes!

Uh-oh, A-Rod

Did A-Rod use steroids? Here's a story from ESPN...

Alex Rodriguez for the second straight day refused to address allegations leveled by Jose Canseco, who claims in his forthcoming book he introduced the three-time MVP to a steroids supplier.

"It's over as far as I'm concerned," Rodriguez said Wednesday after his New York Yankees lost 4-0 to the Philadelphia Phillies. "No further comment on the matter. I'm just excited to be playing baseball."

Canseco discusses the accusations in his book in an exclusive interview with ABC's "Nightline" that will be broadcast Thursday night. Details from the book first came to light Tuesday on the Web site of freelance writer Joe Lavin, who said he obtained a copy.

In "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball," scheduled for release Monday, Canseco claimed he introduced Rodriguez to a trainer/steroids dealer named Max after Rodriguez approached him "in the latter half of the 1990s" and asked where "one" might acquire steroids.

I hate to point fingers, but ouch. The very least A-rod could have done was run Canseco's name through the mud. It's not like it hasn't been done before, and people might actually like him after it. Now, there's a lot of doubt by him saying "No comment."

Now it seems like A-rod didn't want to say anything about it because he didn't want to admit to anything but it more evidence comes up in the future, he doesn't want to be called a liar.

I can't wait until they bust Bud Selig for HGH.