10 pickup lines that never work

So Casey and I have had our far share of experiences sampling the various bars around the Spokane area. It's here where we've sharpened our skills to become masters of night life.

"Why are we sitting at a table to one leg shorter than the other?"

"Why are we in the corner by ourselves"

"Why is Lindsey not sitting with us?"

"Lets go home and play Halo."

It was during this time that we discovered the top ten pickup lines that will never, ever work.

1. I play for the Seattle Mariners - Unless your last name in Junior or Suzuki, you're not getting any baseball groupies. They're too busy going after the Spokane Indians and Spokane Shock players.

2. Want to see my Transformer's lunch box? Insert Justin Timberlake's "Dick in a box" joke here.

3. I was the top player at Laser Quest today, yeah I had 60 percent accuracy shooting. You know what I like to do after I do battle, yeah, I like to mate. You might want to take off the Laser Quest gear before taking a crack at this line.

4. I'm a Gonzaga student. That would explain the festive sweater vest and the backwards University of North Carolina cap.

5. I'm an Eastern Washington University student. Think you can pick up my tab?

6. I want to kiss you like A-Rod kisses himself. Do you do HGH?

7. I bowl better than the president. I might even be able to bowl in the regular people Olympics.

8. I'm a Jedi Master in bed. In other words, call me Darth Virgin.

9. Put your number on my board, Yes! Your chances at getting her number are fly, fly away!

10. I'm a ginger. Absolute worst pickup line. ever.

Phillies vs. Braves stat tracker

We like mascots here at Just South of North and since Major League Baseball kicked off it's 2009 season at the home of one of the best mascots ever: Philadelphia, I decided to do a stat tracker for all of you that missed the Atlanta Braves beat the defending World Series Champions Phillies 4-1.

1 mass booing of Brett Myers by Philadelphia fans after everyone and their dog hit a home run off him in the season opener.

2 fan interference calls on Philadelphia fans. You stay classy.

1 fan getting stared down by the ump like a recess monitor stares down the kid that just kamikaze killed somebody in a rousing game of dodgeball.

1 fan saying he didn't touch the ball even though the replay showed he made a better play on the ball than Manny Ramirez ever has.

2 old-man multi-vitamin commercials shown during the game, meaning that ESPN must be trying to market towards Casey and I.

1 fluffy, light hearted in-between inning interview with Atlanta hitting coach Terry Pendleton.

1 chippy and akward in-between inning interview with Philadelphia hitting coach Milt Thompson. What a difference four runs make.

2 Philadelphia Phanatic sightings

1 umpire dancing with the Phanatic I'm wondering how many people actually wondered if this was a real ump, because when he ripped off his clothes to reveal a Phillies uniform, that should of stopped the speculation right there. However, this is actually quite normal in the NBA.

1 home run by Jordan Schafer in his firt at-bat as a major leaguer. Last year his missed 50 games in the minor leagues for the Braves due to suspension after testing positive for HGH. Glad to see he's clean now, right?

99 players who have accomplished Schafer's feat of homering in their first major league at-bat. Still working on finding out how many of them were suspended for using HGH.

3rd Grade Apparently where they found Jordan Schafer. He doesn't exactly look like he's been juicing. Unless he's juicing with Hi-C.

2 times the ESPN announcer Jon Miller called him Logan Schaffer.

There you have it, and if you want to see the official box score of the game, and just how awesome Braves' pitcher Derek Lowe was, CLICK HERE.

Uh-oh, A-Rod

Did A-Rod use steroids? Here's a story from ESPN...

Alex Rodriguez for the second straight day refused to address allegations leveled by Jose Canseco, who claims in his forthcoming book he introduced the three-time MVP to a steroids supplier.

"It's over as far as I'm concerned," Rodriguez said Wednesday after his New York Yankees lost 4-0 to the Philadelphia Phillies. "No further comment on the matter. I'm just excited to be playing baseball."

Canseco discusses the accusations in his book in an exclusive interview with ABC's "Nightline" that will be broadcast Thursday night. Details from the book first came to light Tuesday on the Web site of freelance writer Joe Lavin, who said he obtained a copy.

In "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball," scheduled for release Monday, Canseco claimed he introduced Rodriguez to a trainer/steroids dealer named Max after Rodriguez approached him "in the latter half of the 1990s" and asked where "one" might acquire steroids.

I hate to point fingers, but ouch. The very least A-rod could have done was run Canseco's name through the mud. It's not like it hasn't been done before, and people might actually like him after it. Now, there's a lot of doubt by him saying "No comment."

Now it seems like A-rod didn't want to say anything about it because he didn't want to admit to anything but it more evidence comes up in the future, he doesn't want to be called a liar.

I can't wait until they bust Bud Selig for HGH.