Things you don't want to hear during Spring Training...

1. Your star pitcher just got lit up by the Baltimore Orioles, but it's only the first game of spring training. Don't read too much into it. Nevermind your star pitcher showed up overweight, got a face tattoo and was seen taking body shots off of Madonna. No worries. Nosireee!

2. Steroid rumors from one of your team's legendary players to which he denies any connection. Then you look at his rookie card and realize he looked like PeeWee Herman when he came into the league.

3. Clubhouse chemistry issues that should be resolved by the time the season starts. (In other words, somebody is getting stabbed before the All-Star Break)

4. Hey! Your DH hit .200 this year and is 38! But he's looking to bounce back! He even bought a bowflex this offseason and used it once. Then he realized he had to assemble the thing.

5. Trade rumors on where your best player will be by the second week of the season. Never a good sign.

6. "Nobody thinks we'll do anything this season but I think we'll surprise some people" ... okay Washington Nationals... you go do that.

7. "If we need an extra bat, hey... Barry Bonds is always on the market!"

8. Anytime your team is already sending out season ticket renewal forms - you know you might be in trouble this season.

9. "Can you imagine if Lebron played for the Indians!? We'd be unstoppable!"

10. Guess who we got? Carlos Silva!

Good morning readers

Nothing like a tall coffee of Carlos Silva in the morning. I know it's been a while since Jackie-Z cut him loose, but I'd just like to cheer you all up with the amount of money they dropped on him during his two years in Seattle.

2008 - $8,250,000
2009 - $12,250,000

And meanwhile people who are completely competent at their jobs will work their entire lives without any hope of making anywhere near that amount of money. Hooray America!

(You have fun with him, Cubs fans!)

So long Silva!

Wow the Mariners have done the impossible. They've unloaded Carlos Silva's ridiculous contract AND waistline.

The Seattle Mariners have found a way to get rid of one of their last lingering problems. According to major-league sources, the club is on the verge of trading Carlos Silva, who still has two years remaining on the four-year, $48 million contract given him by former general manager Bill Bavasi before the 2008 season, to the Cubs in exchange for outfielder Milton Bradley.

The deal, which could be announced later today, brings the Mariners an outfielder who has been involved in controversy throughout his career, but also has been an extremely productive player as recently as 2008. That year, with the Texas Ranger, Bradley hit .321, third-best in the American League, and led the league with a .436 on-base percentage. He hit 22 homers, drove in 77 runs, and made the American League All-Star team.

Cliff Lee and now you get rid of Carlos Silva? I hear the Mariners bandwagon starting to warm up.

Good Morning Mariner fans! Who's ready to trade?

11-4 loss to the Baltimore Orioles last night. Looks like the Mariners might be sellers after all before the trade deadline. Here's what's up for grabs for teams that are interested...

1. The Mariner Moose - he's had a down season anyways.
2. The deed to Safeco Field - I mean, it's time for the Mariners to play at Qwest Field anyways.
3. A half-dozen Starbucks stores.
4. Carlos Silva?!?! Anyone... we'll throw in a couple of Seagals. NO ONE? WHAT?!!!
5. Ken Griffy Jr.'s fourth chin.

Seattle fans have seen this before

According to USS Mariner, here was the type of pitches that Carlos Silva threw in his last two starts...

April 8th 23 fastballs, 61 sinkers.
April 14th 41 fastballs, 37 sinkers

That's two different types of pitches if you're counting. Although I'm not sure how you would classify the pitches that go careening into the protective screen at Safeco Field. Either way, the man is milking a 6.35 ERA and an 0-2 record after today's 8-2 loss to the Detroit Tigers.

After busting out some rather interesting software that charts pitches, the USS Mariner has come to this conclusion...

Carlos Silva’s sinker is indistinguishable from his fastball, if we grant that he even throws two pitches. He’s playing rock-paper-scissors with rock, rock, and rock.

If you're keeping score at home, that's bad news. But hey! At least the Mariners' bullpen has the same problem.

Now for your AL East fans out there reading Just South of North, which is Dylan Kitzan and that strange Austrian woman I met at the bar last night, the Red Sox are back to .500 after Jon Lester shook off a rough start to the season and looked like the Lester of old in a 2-1 victory over the Baltimore Orioles.

Final line: Seven innings pitches, four hits and nine strikeouts.

For Red Sox fans, that's a very good sign that Lester is dealing again. And that the Yankees are giving up over 20 runs a game.

Epic Photo: Hello Seattle, here is your winning baseball team

After an extra-innings 3-2 victory over the Anaheim Angels last night, the Mariners are 6-2. That's their best start since winning 116 games in 2001. Let's hope Seattle fans are not quite that optimistic but, the M's are quickly making me look like a pompous, Boston-loving, a-hole.

Oh, and Carlos Silva pitched well to break my winning streak on ESPN's Streak for the Cash. When the hell does that happen!?!?!

Carlos Silva's diet

There's already quite a bit of buzz around the Seattle Mariner's 5-2 start this season, however I need to say two things: it's very early in the season and you have Carlos Silva in your starting rotation. If there were ever a bigger turd of a pitcher in baseball, I'm pretty sure it would be something a dinosaur crapped out. Not convinced about his girth? This is what this man eats before he goes to the ballpark.

9:00 a.m. - Left side of the menu at IHOP
11:00 a.m. - A goat (cursed of course)
12:00 p.m. - A BK Quad combined with a small child.
3 p.m. - Whoops, better get to the stadium, where are those garlic fries?
4 p.m. - Roughly fourty pounds of Slim Jims
6 p.m. - Ryan Rowland-Smith
7 p.m. - Time to waddle out to the mound.

However, I will give the Mariners this, Erik Bedard's pitching performance against the A's in a 1-0 win to sweep Oakland was pretty impressive. Although I'm not really sure about the lineup that the A's are sporting. The AL West is not going to be a great division this year, so if the Mariners do overachieve they could be right in the thick of things.

Now lets move on to big boy baseball...

If you want to see how the Boston Media is handling the slow start for the Red Sox, well go to bostondirtdogs.com and when looking for the score of yesterday's game, you'll see it under Anaheim 5, Last Place Team 4.

Oh brother. And the Sox just put shortstop Jed Lowrie on the disabled list with a wrist injury. He could be out for a long time. He's to be replaced with Nick Green - who has a lifetime batting average of .240 and 10 career home runs (and use to play for the Yankees). Boston.com is saying that once Julio Lugo recovers from his knee surgery, he'll take over the full-time short-stop spot.

Now the team that the Mariners just swept (Oakland) will try to extend John Lester's slow start as he takes the mound tonight for Boston. Might have a late post about how that game ends up, because I'm actually really interested to see how the Sox do against a team that Seattle swept.

And A-Rod reported today to New York's spring training facility after having hip surgery on March 9. Word on the street is that they removed all mirrors from the place. ZING! I'll be here all night ladies and gentlemen.