September 7, 2008
How the Patriots plan to replace Tom Brady
Well now that the Patriot's season is absolutely dicked without Tom Brady, they're going to have to find a way to replace him since their backup might as well be the hot dog guy that hangs out in downtown Spokane. Here's some suggestions:
Bring in Shane Falco
I know he had a bad Sugar Bowl, but Ohio State always chokes in the big games. You can't put in squarely on the shoulders of Falco. Besides, he also leads the league in hooking up with semi-attractive side love story cheerleaders and knocking the opposing mascot out with a tight spiral.
Just direct snap it to Randy Moss every play
Make sure he's driving his Escalade and put a police officer and a bag of cannibis in the endzone and Moss will score every single time.
Why not? Everyone else in the league has had him on the roster at one point or another. And the potential Bill Bellichick/Jeff George sideline arguement would be epic.
A drunk monkey
Pay him in peanuts, give him a funny hat and people will come out to the stadium to watch it. At the very least this would be a better choice than Jeff George and still better than most of the quarterbacks in the NFC.
Forget Chris Simms. Besides, New England isn't that far from the water, and we all know Culpepper loves to spend some "fun times" near the water.