Things NOT to bring to a BBQ

The weather is awesome tonight and before the Jay Mohr show, we're having a barbecue at my sister's house.

It is a "bring a dish" kind of barbecue . A potluck if you will of barbecue goodness.

It never fails though, someone will always bring something gross. Here's the JustSON Top 10 items NOT to bring to a barbecue.

1. Nothing. Yeah, don't be THAT guy. If you show up with nothing and try to eat one of my burgers I might have to push you off the deck.

2. Soy milk. Seriously? WTF?!!

3. One single beverage. Dude, come on. Let's go back to elementary school, either you bring enough for everyone or you don't get any. Also, don't show up with the Rainier and then drink all the Red Hook.

4. Veggie burgers. Gross! Usually this is the same person that brought the soy milk.

5. The same potato salad. Yes, the same one that you brought to the last barbecue of the summer in 2008. I can tell it's the same because of the extra green fuzz on the potatoes.

6. A pitcher of water. Ummm....pretty sure that I could get that out of a tap. Go home.

7. A live cow. That'd be like bringing a pig to a bacon party. If I can't throw it on the grill as it is, don't bring it.

8. A Pittsburgh Steelers jersey. Yeah, you I would definitely push you off the porch.

9. A full stomach. You're supposed to come hungry to eat the food. Not show up, eat a green bean and say you're good.

10. Something gross or not the "norm" of barbeque food. This means no sheep eyes, no sushi, no goat hoof, no cow udder, no buffalo dung, no ostrich throat. I don't care how "tasty' you say they are, the answer is no.

What's a group called?

Everyone knows that a bunch of birds is called a "flock."

And everyone knows that a bunch of fish is called a "school."

But what are some other groups of items called?

Well thank you University of California for allowing me to check this list on your Web site.

Here are some of the best:

• A fluther of jellyfish - the reason Brandon avoids the ocean at all costs.
  
• A neverthriving of jugglers - so a circus?
• A mob of kangaroos - better yet, boxing kangaroos!
• A bevy of ladies - the reason Brandon and I go to the ocean.
• A number of mathematicians - a.k.a nerds.
• A company of moles - they wear suits.
• A tribe of monkeys - I like monkeys.
• A barren of mules - a.k.a. frat guys.
• A superfluity of nuns - nuns do seem to travel in groups...err...I mean in superfluities.
• A parliament of owls - owls are smart.
• A huddle of penguins - they huddle to stay warm.
• A gaze of raccoons - I like raccoons and monkeys.
• An unkindness of ravens - they are like the emo kids of the bird family.
• A clutter of spiders - RAID.
• An ambush of tigers - yes, I'm sure tigers are trying to ambush me. Now walk away slowly.
• A bale of turtles - It's actually a rectangle block of turtles. Like a bale of hay.
• A blessing of unicorns - I've never seen ONE unicorn, let alone a BLESSING of them.
• An ugly of walruses - walruses are ugly, oh, and also the reason Brandon avoids the ocean.
• A descent of woodpeckers - Woody Woodpecker.
• A crash of rhinoceroses - because they crash through everything.
• A dray of squirrels - I like squirrels, raccoons and monkeys!
  

Canadians don't like bottled water

I've long thought that bottled water was the stupidest invention this side of the Furby. Unless of course you're traveling to Mexico.

Now the Canadians are trying to do something about it, as they're thinking about banning bottled water. Plastic bottles take a lot of resources to make and since Canadian water is probably full of special Canadian qualities, like not being from LA, that you may not see very many bottles in the land to the north.

The Federation of Canadian Municipalities has asked Canadian cities and towns to phase out the sale and purchase of bottled water on municipal property.

The federation board of directors passed the anti-bottle resolution at a meeting in Victoria on Saturday.

The move carries no legal weight and aims simply to encourage municipalities to speak out against bottled water and avoid distributing it when possible.

"It's not a ban, we just try to educate our citizens that the water that you pay for in your city is good — use it," said FCM president Jean Perrault, the mayor of Sherbrooke, Que.

This seems like a very Canadian thing to do, right up there with having every governmental sign in French and English and overall being the friendliest country in the world. I'm waiting for them to invent the hovercraft, solve world hunger and get us on this economic recession.

I'm counting on them, and that's why I'm starting to grow facial hair, watch hockey and paint my house neon green.

(If you've heard of the crazy house color habits on the Canadians, then you must be from Washington. We're pretty snooty.)