Reasons why you're still single... How I Met Your Mother

(Actual text conversation between me and the voice of Fresno State Softball) 

Me: Have you seen "How I met you're mother?"
Alyssa: Nope.
Me: You should! It's the best sitcom on television.
Alyssa: Haha. My grandma love it.

.... Ladies and gentlemen, yet another reason I'm single. I watch CBS sitcoms that senior citizens love.

Reasons why you're still single: You're stupid CBS

Tonight, instead of switching over to the GOOD game of Kansas and Michigan State, stupid CBS kept leaving it on the Gonzaga game. By the way, Gonzaga was getting beat by over 20 points. Nevermind that the KU and MSU game was tied at just under a minute. Oh no, let's watch the Zags get their butts kicked. CBS, you stink.

Arsonist torching green Ford Escorts

If you drive a green 1990s model Ford Escort I have some advice for you: Stay away from Medford, Oregon.

Now this advice may seem strange, but honestly it is for your own good. For you see, there is a arsonist among the streets of Medford targeting green Ford Escorts made in the '90s.

There have been three cases of green Ford Escorts being destroyed by flames in last few weeks. The first instance was on February 2. The victim was a 1992 edition of the car. A flammable liquid was lit near the tire of the car to start the fire.

The next case happened a few weeks later on February 22. This time the victim was a 1993 edition. Someone had broken a window the car and poured the flammable liquid inside.

The most recent case happened just Sunday, March 1. The victim this time was a 1995 model that was burnt in the same method as the second.

Now I have watched my share of crime shows. So I'm going to take a stab at solving this one. Maybe you've seen "Criminal Minds" on CBS.

Welcome to "Criminal Minds: the Just South of North Edition"

First off we need the facts. Here's what we know:

-The person has a thing against '90s green Ford Escorts
-They like fire
-They target cars in Medford, Oregon
-Their attacks are becoming more frequent
-They can afford to buy matches
-And they can afford to buy gas (since that is probably the flammable liquid)

At this point the TV stars usually try to pinpoint the "type" of person they are looking for.

From the information that we know, here is what I have come up with:

-The person starting these fires is female. She was recently dumped by her cheating boyfriend. He happened to drive an early to mid green Ford Escort. He lives in Medford, Oregon. He actually spent all of his money on the car and loved the thing more than he loved her (see the dumb looking "pimped" out car in the photo above). While they were together, he always used the Paris Hilton line of "That's Hot" while talking about his car. She has decided that she will make his car really hot, and by doing so extract her revenge on not just the cheating boyfriend, but the car that she hated so much too.

The first car was his. She burnt it up, just like the plan was. The problem was that her feelings for him didn't go up in smoke like the car. Every time she saw a green '90s Ford Escort her rage built and she knew she had to watch it burn. It now has turned into an addiction.

What we are dealing with here is a woman scorn.

I am sure that I am way off on my profile, but hey, I figure if they can do it on TV I can do it too. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go be like Jackass and roll off the roof in a shopping cart.

New shows for CBS you haven't heard about

Alright, so that's a photo of NCIS, but here's a smattering of shows that CBS should be premiering to make their geriatric, slightly jaded viewing audience happy. And keep in mind that these shows won't air during Bingo time.

CSI: Spokane - While most CSI shows take place in state-of-the-art labs, Spokane's version of the show will take place in the STA Bus Plaza and at Zips. Ahhh, Zips.

Washed up celebrity #8 gets his own sitcom - Which Seinfield cast member is going to give it another go? Anyone? And by the way, has anyone seen Two and Half Men, good stuff.

Stories from the Financial Crises - A heartbreaking drama about how Wall Street Brokers are having to fill their jets with regular fuel, and making the tough decision about whether or not to buy out companies with their bail-out money or spend it on a sexy party.

The Quadminifier - In the same line as "The Closer" and "The Goat Farmer" ... this show sucks.

That one cop show where there look up old 1970s crime cases - Giving viewers plenty of recreations on the time period on a shoe-string budget. Don't question the show when you see a Ford Focus in 1973.

With a line up like this, what could go wrong? Really? At least it isn't FOX.

A show of LEGENDARY humor

I'm here to tell you about the awesomest show on television. It truly is a show the is LEGENDARY.

Now many may have seen this show while flipping through the channels. Yet, I believe that this show is truly the new FRIENDS.

I'm talking about How I Met Your Mother.

I recently purchased the DVD seasons of the show (because Target was having a major deal on them) so I figured, "Hey, why not."

It was the most awesome decision of my life.

The show is amazing. Now I had watched all of this season, currently the fourth, and parts of the other seasons. But to sit down and watch them back to back is epic.

How I Met Your Mother is about just that. Bob Saget, one of the most famous TV dads of all time, is telling his kids in the year 2030 about, yep you guessed it, how he met their mom.

Now being a huge fan of FRIENDS, it would take a lot to get another show to not only grab my attention, but to grab my attention and tickle its funny bone until it collapses in a laughing heap on the couch.

This show does just that.

From the way the five characters interact. Yes FIVE, unlike the SIX of FRIENDS. That six slot is reserved for non season regulars that pop in for a few episodes and then fade away into the metaphorical TV sunset.

To the way the storyline twists and turns, yet never gets boring. If you don't believe me that the show is legendary, just ask this guy.



It's good. So watch it. Monday nights at 8:30 Pacific Time. On CBS. And yes, Neil Patrick Harris is a badass. Check out Barney's blog by CLICKING HERE.

I thought CBS was for old people

What happen to the good days of CBS when they showed Walker Texas Ranger and Touched by an Angel?

CBS announced on Wednesday that Swingtown, which, until the strike hit, was supposed to launch midseason, now will get a summer debut. The nontraditional launch time for a scripted series, executive producer Carol Barbee tells the Reporter, actually "is perfect for Swingtown since the pilot takes place on the Bicentennial Fourth of July." Ahh, memories of me donning knickers for a Rogers Elementary School play....Swingtown, for those who can't remember back to last May's upfronts (when it was first brandished), follows couples experimenting with sexual and social mores in 1970s Chicago.

For the full article, head over here.

CBS has a reputation for being pretty conservative and catering to a slightly older audience (read: bingo halls) than the other networks. And now we have a show about swingers? Is this their answer to Desperate Housewives? Is Andy Rooney going to make a guest appearance? What the hell is wrong with television these days?

Thanks to Curtis from Douchebaggery on Display for the heads up on this story.