JustSON at the Movies: Wall-E

On the bus ride back (yes I rode the bus to Seattle) from the Sounders FC game on Saturday, I got the opportunity to watch Wall-E as the in-drive movie. So instead of seeing the fantastic Eastern Washington scenery - namely people in Wenatchee dressed like witches - I got to see Pixar work its magic again.

Basically they could make a movie about anything and it would be great. They could animate the Washington Nationals with computer graphics and it would win some sort of Oscar awards.

Anyways, one reason I really liked this movie was a key theme they touched on. One that's probably a little more big picture that previous Pixar movies.

In order to illustrate my point, my buddy Colin and I were at Panda Express the other day when he told me "You know, it's a proven fact that people in America are actually getting stupider" ... and right on cue, I got on the wrong side of the line to get food.

But it's true, people are getting more isolated, stupid and less active because of technology. We're wasteful, thoughtless and completely reliant on our machines. I couldn't live without a computer or a cell phone - I'm pretty sure I would go insane.

Wall-E shows us pretty much what happens when humans let machines automate everything. It's not a Matrix-esque disaster, but let's just say that those Discovery Channel documentaries on the 900-pound man are a reality. For everyone.

With the main robot characters being drawn out and explored so deeply - without them uttering so much as a sentence of dialogue - I've got to say that I was pretty impressed.

I give it an 8/10. The counts include: What I'm going to look like in about five years, the first robot love scene in cinema history, the only time I've rooted for a cockroach, scenery that blows "The Day After Tomorrow" away and no reference to John Travolta or Scientology.

The Pro Bowl is a system, Neo...

Matt Hasselbeck: Man, how am I going to stand up to the likes of Peyton Manning and Tom Brady in the Pro Bowl against a Pro Bowl defense. This sounds like way too much for me, I'm used to taking on NFC West defensives, which couldn't make it in the WAC.

Morpheus: The Pro Bowl isn't real, Neo.

Matt Hasselbeck: Wait, who are you? You realize it's 90 degrees out here, why are you wearing a leather trench coat.

Morpheus: I'm Morpheus, you've been looking for me a long time, Neo.

Matt Hasselbeck: Morpheus.. oh, oh, no no, I just got drunk last night looking up porn and instead of typing in more... okay I'm not going to explain myself any further. Why are you calling me Neo.

Morpheus: Isn't that your StumbleUpon login name?

Matt Hasselbeck: Oh yeah, it's the bald head. All my teammates call me Neo. They say it's short for something. But, hey I got to practice, this is a big game.

Morpheus: You've got to make a choice, Neo, between the Red jersey and the Blue jersey. If you take one it will be for the wrong conference but no one will really care because it's the pro bowl.

Matt Hasselbeck: What? The Pro Bowl isn't a big deal.

Morpheus: Let me show you something Neo, here look at this computer laptop screen.

Matt Hasselbeck: Okay, hmmm, this is an NFL Forum, why have 180,000 people responded to the thread entitled "Why wont anyone come to my Pro Bowl Party"?

Morpheus: Because the Pro Bowl isn't a real game Neo, it's a fake. The NFL has enslaved your mind into thinking it's an actual athletic competition, but it's not Neo. You must free your mind and join the real world.

Matt Hasselbeck: But Brett Favre is standing right there! I know that's Brett Favre, I used to back him up in Green Bay.

Morpheus: While that's Brett Favre's body, his mind is somewhere else, Neo. He's probably had 15 margaritas before getting here. What the NFL is doing is using your body as a source of revenue.

Matt Hasselbeck: What?

Morpheus: That's right Neo, nobody is taking this game seriously. That's not a Pro Bowl defense over there, that's a bunch of guys that just came from Hawaiian strip mall to get souvenirs for their family members

Matt Hasselbeck: No, no, I don't believe you!

Morpheus: Believe it Neo. Do you think that's a real NFL football your throwing? It has festive Hawaiian flowers emblazoned on it. It's Yellow, green and pink Neo.

Matt Hasselbeck: How did this happen?

Morpheus: Several NFL players are hooked into the Pro Bowl. The NFL is trying to fool the world that they're showcasing the best football talent around. It's the most realistic recreation of a football game known to man. Some minds can't reject it's fakeness. People are so intertwined that they just refuse to leave the Matrix.

Matt Hasselbeck: The Matrix?

Morpheus: Yes, Neo. The Matrix, we're in Hawaii right now, which is an alternative reality of football. Look at the Hawaii Warriors, they were undefeated before playing an SEC team. They left the confines of the Matrix and were crushed.

Matt Hasselbeck: So none of this is real? What am I worried about then?

Morpheus: Other than Shaun Alexander being in your backfield next year, I'm not sure.

Matt Hasselbeck: So if this isn't real, does this mean that I can scramble outside the pocket.

Morpheus: Whoah, Matt. Don't get ahead of yourself.