Portlandia Season 3

While Seattle might have Grey's Anatomy, Portland has Portlandia. And it's one of the funniest shows on TV!

Having been to Portland many times myself, the show pretty much perfectly describes the Rose City. And how awesome it is.

When I first heard about this show a few years ago I knew it was something I had to check out. And then their "Dream of the 90s is Alive in Portland" video came out and I knew it was going to be awesome. Well after two seasons the laughs keep coming and with season three on the way I can't wait.

Here's one of my favorite Portlandia skits featuring the Portland Timbers and perhaps the greatest soccer cheer of all time. Check it out:




Tune in to "Winter in Portlandia" on Friday, Dec. 14. The new season starts Friday, Jan. 4 on IFC.

While you wait for Portlandia season three be sure to check out Portlandia: Season 1 and Portlandia: Season 2 on DVD and don't forget about Portlandia: A Guide for Visitors. 

Portland Timbers 2013 Season Tickets

In case you didn't know it the Pacific Northwest, or the region called Cascadia, is pretty passionate about soccer.

The three teams in the area, Vancouver Whitecaps, Seattle Sounders and Portland Timbers each have die-hard fanbases. So much so that the Portland Timbers recently announced that their 2013 season tickets have already sold out. Mainly due to a 96% renewal rate even with uping the season ticket numbers to 15,250 seats.

Having surpassed a 96 percent renewal rate this year, the Timbers raised the number of season tickets available by 500 seats to help meet increased demand going into their third MLS season. In 2012, the number of season tickets available at JELD-WEN Field was capped at 14,750.

In two seasons, the Timbers have sold out each of their 34 league games and currently have a Season Ticket Waiting List that numbers over 6,500 fans.

Now unfortunately for the Timbers fans that aren't season ticket holders, JELD-WEN Field only seats 18,627 fans per game. That means only 3,377 seats remain for games. At least this shows that despite having a bummer 2012 season, the fan support in the city hasn't dropped. No wonder Portland is called Soccer City USA.

And with winter being here, bundle up in this Portland Timbers Authentic Scarf or, better yet, since this is winter in the Northwest you probably need a Portland Timbers Rain Jacket!  

Brandon's secret

If you were following facebook or twitter last night you would have gotten the image that Brandon has a strong distaste for Portland, Oregon.

But the truth is that distaste is just for the Timbers.

I have proof that he is a Portland Trailblazers fan.

This photo is from a post back in 2008 in which Brandon attended a Portland Trailblazers game and, with the soon-to-be departure of the Seattle Sonics, he became a fan of Portland.

A quote from Brandon: "Portland sure does support their team, as their state-of-the-art arena of over 20,000 seats was nearly sold out on a Tuesday. Looks like when the Sonics move to Oklahoma, I'll have to jump ship here. Or maybe I already have"

So while he may dislike the Timbers with every fiber of his being, deep down Brandon does like Portland.

Portlandia

Portland is pretty much the coolest city in America. And now it's so trendy that they are making a sitcom about it called "Portlandia." It debuts on IFC tonight, January 21.

Staring Fred Armisen of "Saturday Night Live" and Carrie Brownstein, the vocalist/guitarist from the Portland band Sleater-Kinney, will star in the series.

Check out a short trailer:



And if you've never visited Portland, Oregon. Well then you my friend are missing out.

Down to Portland

This weekend I'm heading back down to the Rose City. Last year at this time when I went down there Portland got an MLS team.

I wonder what will happen this year?

Here are a few things I hope to see in that great city of Portland:

• Someone giving out "free hugs"


• A giant rubber duck


• A hippie bathing in a fountain


• Oregon Duck fans making fun of Oregon State Beaver fans


• A bum sleeping on the MAX


• The Saturday Market


• A submarine


• Penguins


• Elvis


• A bicyclist wearing a poncho


• The guy who pretends to be a statue

Should be a great trip. I'll report in when I make it back.

Oh Portland

I'm in Portland, Oregon today.

Here's a typical Portlander:

PORTLAND IS UNDER EIGHT FEET OF SNOW

It always cracks me up that a snowstorm barely causes Spokane to blink because their traffic is so light, and then a big city like Portland descends into anarchy. Ladies and gentlemen... the 4-inch snowstorm that caused the Rose City to shut down.

VANCOUVER, Wash. — A snowstorm has slickened roads and caused several spinouts on southwest Washington highways.

The Columbian reports that police responded to several traffic mishaps on Tuesday afternoon, including a spinout on Interstate 5 near La Center.

Slick roads were also the rule in Hazel Dell. Firefighters with Clark County Fire District 6 chained up their engines.

The National Weather Service issued a winter weather advisory for Tuesday evening although forecaster Shawn Weagle in Portland said the snow was expected to turn to rain in a few hours.

Snow also snarled traffic in the greater Portland metro area. Tuesday evening rush hour traffic moved at a crawl through downtown Portland and its suburbs.

I heard from people it took 3-4 hours to get home in traffic... which would probably cause me to go insane, sit up on the top of my car naked and throw Reese's Pieces at motorists. Good thing I don't live in Portland.

Portland's AAA franchise is looking to move

The friend that drove me down to Portland, Dylan, has been known to jinx a minor league team or two when he is in town... but this is ridiculous. The man is in town for a couple days and the Portland Beavers are already looking to move to Beaverton to become... the Beaverton Beavers! Wow.

The Beavers will play next year at PGE Park, but then will need a new home because the stadium will be reconfigured for Major League Soccer by 2011. Paulson also owns the minor league Timbers soccer team and was awarded a Major League Soccer franchise in March.

He since has been in negotiations with Leonard and Portland Mayor Sam Adams to have taxpayers pay millions toward soccer renovations to PGE Park and building a new baseball park. But plans for the new ballpark at Memorial Coliseum and in Lents Park died in the face of opposition.

Paulson's latest proposal is a $31 million deal to renovate PGE Park for soccer, including reconfiguring its diamond shape into a more traditional bowl. The plan goes before the Portland City Council on Thursday.

Judging from all the empty seats at Beaver games seen on FSN - I'd say that Portland doesn't give a rat's behind about the Beavers. And why should they? They're a major-league city that has a AAA team that plays on astro turf and diving pits. It would be like giving Boston an af2 team. Fantastic, wonderful... nobody would go.

Oh and did I mention their affiliate is the Padres? I'm guessing they aren't scoring too many runs these days.

The last time I went to Portland...

I'm headed out for the weekend to Portland today where I'll be attending a good friend's wedding. While I'm certainly excited to go to the wedding, the last time I went to Portland, I had what you would call an EPIC Hangover.

EPIC Hangover - When you are incapacitated or feeling the effects of alcohol consumption for at least two days, the first day involving the inability for you to stand up without wanting to hurl.

And the problem with having this EPIC Hangover, was the fact that we had tickets to a Portland Trailblazers game. So I had to somehow go from this...


To this...


After roughly a four hour nap, enough meds to make me the next Heath Ledger, I made my triumphant entrance into the Rose Garden.


Time for Round 2, Portland.

U.S. Open Cup tonight in Portland

I am currently on my way down to Portland, Oregon for the U.S. Open Cup third round game between the Seattle Sounders F.C. and the Portland Timbers. The winner will advance to meet the winner of the MLS Kansas City Wizards and the USL-1 Minnesota Thunder. View the full bracket here. But first, what is the U.S. Open Cup?

In a nutshell, the U.S. Open Cup is very similar to domestic cup competitions popular throughout Europe, South America and the rest of the world. Cup competitions, which usually run concurrent with a country's league season, are open in the early stages to any club that can qualify, giving local amateru teams a chance to compete against the best teams a country has to offer.

View more about the cup history here.

And thanks to USOpenCup.com, here is a preview of tonights match-up. SCARVES UP!!!

Seattle Sounders F.C. (MLS) at Portland Timbers (USL-1)
PGE Park - Portland, OR | 7 p.m. PST

DID YOU KNOW

In 1987, Seattle’s Mitre Eagles were involved in one of the three U.S. Open Cup Finals to end in a scoreless draw, a game they lost on penalty kicks to Club Espana of Washington D.C.. Baltimore S.C. and Chicago’s Sparta played to a scoreless draw in the first leg of the 1940 Final, and eventually shared the title after a 2-2 draw in the second leg (no PK tiebreakers back then). The other was in 1997 when the Dallas Burn used PKs to topple D.C. United for their only Open Cup title.

PREVIOUS MEETINGS

While the MLS Sounders are a different animal than the team that was featured as the Timbers main rival in the USL First Division, this quite possibly is the most anticipated meeting between the two cities on the soccer pitch. Portland has faced the USL-1 Sounders twice in Open Cup play. In 2005, Portland came out on top 2-0, and Seattle returned the favor in 2007 with a 2-1 win.

PLAYERS TO WATCH

Seattle

Sebastien Le Toux (M) – Le Toux is the link to the Open Cup success enjoyed by the USL-1 version of the Sounders. The French native played for two seasons with the USL-1 Sounders, and was the first player signed by the MLS Sounders. He ranks third in the Professional Era (1995-2009) in Open Cup goals scored with 10, and was involved in all four of the Sounders goals (2 goals, 2 assists) in their 4-1 MLS play-in win over Real Salt Lake on April 28

Fredy Montero (F) – On loan from Colombian club Depotivo Cali, Montero has become the center of the Sounders attack, scoring eight goals and assisting on six others after only 14 games.

Steve Zakuani (M) – The rookie has made an immediate impact for the Sounders, recording two goals and three assists so far. Was a runner-up for the Hermann Trophy in his sophomore year at the University of Akron.

Portland

Brian Farber (M) – After spending time with in the MLS reserve league with Houston and San Jose, Farber played with the Minnesota Thunder in 2007, appearing in all 28 games with 7 goals and 3 assists. He spent 2008 with the Stockton Cougars of the Professional Arena Soccer League.

Cameron Knowles (D) – Knowles has spent the last three seasons with Portland, after spending 2005 & 2006 with Real Salt Lake. In his debut season with Portland, he was named one of the three finalists for the USL-1 Defender of the Year award (won by David Hayes of Atlanta)

Keita Mandjou (F) – The native of Guinea began his career in 2004 with Perak FA of the Malaysian league, and won the league scoring title in 2006. In 2008 he moved to Brunei DPMM F.C. of Singapore’s S-League, and was also the captain of the Guinea Under-23 squad.

OPEN CUP HISTORY

Portland

Overall: 5-5-0, 16 GF 14 GA

vs. MLS: 0-2-0 0 GF 5 GA

Portland has struggled in Open Cup play, winning only three times in eight Open Cup matches prior to 2009, as well as becoming the second USL-1 side to lose to a USASA club (Hollywood United in 2008)

Seattle

Overall: 0-0-0 0 GF 0 GA

vs. USL-1: 0-0-0 0 GF 0 GA

The USL-1 version of the Sounders made a name for themselves by knocking off MLS clubs in recent Open Cup tournaments. In 2006 & 2007, the Sounders were 4-1 against MLS teams. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, the MLS Sounders will try to avoid a repeat of 1995, 1997 and 2006, the only years the USL-1 Sounders fell to lower division opponents in cup play.

East Coast Bias: They take their sports more seriously

We've long heard that when it comes to really any of the major sports - the East Coast views their sports whole lot more seriously than those of us on the West Coast. Which for the most part is true, because I really can't come up with an example of a Pac-10 rivalry being more heated than a SEC rivalry - nor can I point to a fan base that follows and criticizes their teams more religiously than East Coast fans.

And please, don't tell me any other ways, because Seahawks fans didn't get crazy till their team started making the playoffs in the early 2000s, Dodger fans don't show up to games until the playoffs and USC fans are about as friendly and passive as you can get. Many ESPN radio personalities have said on the air "things are a little more relaxed out West"

And that's not a knock. It's not that we care less, it's that we run a little more even keeled ship as fan.

Cities are spread out more on the west coast, and it's almost as if people take to their regional identity than the specific identity of their city. You won't see a person from Seattle refuse to date someone from Portland or Spokane, nor will you talk trash about those cities (well, maaaybe Spokane, just a little :D). Things happen at a slight slower pace on the West Coast - heck, we even talk slow - and therefore I don't think we see sports as so life and death.

When you're mired in the urban jungles of the East Coast such as Pittsburgh above, since theirs so many metro areas and populace centers, you really grab onto what identifies you. Therefore you're sports teams become a huge part of your life. You certainly don't want to lose to your cross-state rivals in Philadelphia, because that's part of YOU losing.

And also consider that in these urban environments with less and less space to escape from society from time to time (example, take a relaxing vacation, hike, bike ride ect. ect.), you're exposed to the myopic mini-society that your city has established.

In Spokane, there's a limited amount of media sources talking up the teams, in Seattle there's more media sources but they're also covering regions outside of the city limits and therefore their tunnel vision on sports is lost somewhat.

On the East, in a city like Pittsburgh, it's STEELERS! It's PIRATES (and their 100 losses!)! It's PENGUINS! And you'd be hard pressed to escape that media hype around sports because your in a city with thousands of people around you talking about topics that matter to your city and even if you get out of town - you're basically just in another city with thousands of people around you talking about topics that matter to their city. You can't escape it.

In the Northwest, well, you can just go fishing...

World game comes to Portland

Apparently where ever Casey goes, the MLS follows. Today with this blog's better half in the rose city - the MLS announced that they would be awarding a franchise there. Say hello to the Portland Timbers.

This comes just a day after a sold-out Qwest field watched the first game in Sounders FC history. Apparently now the Northwest is becoming the soccer hotbed of the United States.

One question to ponder though is what this does to the market in Seattle and Portland. Will this dilute the fan base for both teams since their so close to one another? And go figure that the MLS is expanding during a recession, while all the other major sports are battering down the hatches.

Well this gives the Sounders a natural rival, so let me be the first to say that the Timbers suck!

The next adventure is...

Today I'm heading down to the Rose City for the weekend. That is of course Portland, Oregon.

I won't be near a computer, so you readers will be subjected to Brandon alone.

He'll keep you posted on the latest happenings in the NCAA March Madness Tournament, give you some of the sweetest headlines from around the world, discuss the nesting patterns of the northern grey squirrel and basically keep you entertained.

I'll let you know how the trip was when I return.

Winter Driving 101

The Pacific Northwest is getting just pelted with furious snow storms, which has made the roads a winter wonderland of slippery doom. Spokane currently reminds me of a bad snow level on Mario Kart, complete with the power ups.

Yeah Spokies leave a lot of crap on the road.

What Seattle Drivers think about snow -- "Slowing down? I need my latte! A whole inch out there? Hmmm I may just stay inside and weather this blizzard. This is definitely the storm of the century. What's that? It's melted already?"

What Portland Drivers think about snow -- "Great... yeah this snow will really slow down in rush hour when I'm already sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, this is really gonna change things. Got to love left hand exits"

What Spokane Drivers think -- "Ho hum, I'm hungry, lets go to Denny's"

What Seattle Drivers who live in Spokane think about snow -- "THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING!! KEEP YOUR CHILDREN IN DOORS. THIS IS THE END OF TIME!!! REPENT ALL YOUR SINS!!!"

What California Drivers think -- "What is this white stuff? Does this mean I should slow down, nope, probably not, why am I sliding, I'm still sliding, that car in front of me is getting awfully close. Wow, I'm still sliding. Yep, I wrecked."

What Idaho Drivers think -- "How bout this nice weather huh?"

What Montana Drivers think -- "I don't have a car, but these two horses should get me where I'm going."

What Canada Drivers think -- "Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey BEER Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey"

What New England Drivers think -- "I don't know what those pusses in Philadelphia were thinking about when they had to call a rain delay in the World Series. WOOOOAAAAH! A little rain never hurt anyone. I think I'll just stay in my favorite Pub, watch the Celtics and stumble home drunk."

My Northwest Spring Break Adventure

It's been three days into this spring break adventure of mine, and it's already been more than eventful enough. But first, you guys must meet my trusty traveling companions.

James T. Caddey "Hollywood" as I like to call him, you might have seen his blog, The Collegiate Handyman.

Anna Arleen Koenig, or better known as Whaleus maximus. She doesn't have an Internet blog because she uses a Macintosh.

I've been lucky enough to tag along with these two, eating their snack food that they packed and generally sleeping in the back seat of Anna's car. Also can't forget the all important:

Katie Scalibrine Koenig, sister of the Wahleus Maximus and purchaser of our hotel room when we stayed in Portland.

The first day consisted of Anna, James and I roadtripping it from Cheney, Wash. to Portland. Along the way we got to see such Washington tourist traps like Ritzville, Tri-Cities and The Dalles.

Anyone from the Northwest knows what kind of money these places bring in based on their attractiveness and foreigners wanting to get their photos in from of the "Welcome to the 250th largest metropolitan area in the United States" sign.

Also a word of warning for you that decided to vacation in Oregon. People are required by law to pump your gas here. So when they approach your vehicle, avoid spraying them with a can of raid and drop kicking them in the sweet spot. They're just trying to fill up your tank.

Also Oregon tends to turn a bunch of people into wine snobs, I was no exception as I got five free samples of some fine Oregon wine at a local vineyard just outside of Portland. It also gave me an excuse to drink at two in the afternoon.

Just before we got into Portland we passed by Multnomah Falls (pictured above), to which the whale commented as "not being that big of deal"

However after further research (wikipedia) I discovered that Multnomah Falls is the second tallest year-round waterfall in the United States after Yosemite Falls.

The third being David Hasselhof's drool when he's drunk.

Once we were settled in at our hotel, where Katie had met us from driving down from Bellingham, we met up with her friend Brittney and decided that 5:30 p.m. was an excellent time to start drinking (again).

First was Rogue (makers of Dead Guy Ale) Public House, which is local Oregon brewer. We chowed down dinner there and had some fancy beers (Or as I like to say "burs") and also went to the Bridgeport Brewery for some more fancy "burs" all in downtown Portland.

Feeling subsequently nice, we then were dropped off by Brittney at the Cellar bar which was an underground Mecca for Guinness-like beer, stories about high school athletics (?!?!?!) and good directions for more bars.

Our next bar, Ground Kontrol was heaven on earth for emo kids. It had essentially every classic arcade game you could think of, nintendos, ataris and playstations for sale. Games too. A nicely stocked bar with goodies. And techno music.

Not sure if enjoyed the techno music, but I did like to judge which emo kid were wearing girls pants and which weren't.

After this we snuck down into some wonderfully seedy bar called the Shanghi Tunnel where we ate fries with chopsticks.

And then, the Jupiter Bar.

Three mixed drinks later it was time to go home. Final count: 2 breweries, 4 bars and one vineyard. Hell of a night.

The next day can be completely written off as mentioned in the earlier blog, except for the Trailblazers game...

Portland sure does support their team, as their state-of-the-art arena of over 20,000 seats was nearly sold out on a Tuesday. Looks like when the Sonics move to Oklahoma, I'll have to jump ship here. Or maybe I already have.

The Oregon Trail

I'll have further details tomorrow when I find a coffee shop and a wonderful bagel. But I would just like to say this.

Portland kicked my ass.

After hitting the bars (and I do mean bars, numerous, more bars than Bill Clinton mistresses) on Monday night, I awoke on Tuesday to find that my body had apparently decided to act like it was going through its final death spasms.

I barely was able to get it together to make it to the Portland Trailblazers game on Tuesday night, which was almost sold out and the usher found three empty alcohol fifths in the row in front of us. Good times.

And then after the game while walking back to our hotel (We were like three blocks from the Rose Garden), I watched this girl smack here head against a transfer box on a stoplight post because she wasn't looking where she was going.

Boy do I love this city.