You're more likely to die in a car accident if you're obese

Fact, obesity is dangerous. Not because you'll have a bazillion health problems and be taking insulin shots until you pass away but... you're more likely to die in a car accident. 

80 percent more likely.

Why do fat people in cars suddenly become a death trap? Well you see, the safety features for the car aren't exactly designed for bigger occupants. Seat belts can't tighten properly and fat people are also propelled further in the event of a crash.

Report author Dr Tom Rice of the University of California told the Daily Mail newspaper: "Findings from this study suggest that obese vehicle drivers are more likely to die from traffic collision-related injuries than non-obese occupants involved in the same collision. 

Education is needed to improve seat belt use among obese people. Clinical intervention could inform obese patients of the additional traffic injury risks and potential benefits of losing weight."

In the meantime, the AA advises drivers to adjust their seats according to their size to allow the air bag to protect them properly in the event of a crash.

(Seriously people, buy a weight loss book.)

I'm not going to make anymore fat jokes

You really shouldn't call people fat (which I do). You really shouldn't judge people about their weight (which I do). And you really shouldn't make fun of women about their weight (which I do).

Looks like I need to learn a lesson. Apparently one guy did when he called a woman fat during a party. She bit his freakin' ear off.

Flood said three men in their twenties at the party were arguing with the rest of the partygoers as they left around 3 a.m. Then, Flood said, one of the men shouted an insult at Godfrey.

Godfrey allegedly ran half a block, tackled the man and bit off a chunk of his right ear.

Flood said the missing piece of the man's ear was not found, and he would likely require plastic surgery.

Good God. Something tells me that alcohol or drugs may have played a little bit into this. Because if she really was hungry, she would have gone to McDonalds.

Fitness Tracker

Casey's fat.

Yes I am. I sit all day at work and over the past 6 months I've had a round trip commute of two hours a day. And I got fat.

So now I have grown fat. (See pictures below)

And therefore I decided it was time to change this.

And that's what this section is about. It's about me getting into shape.

The JustSON Fitness Tracker.

Here's my measurements from week one (last week).

Weight: 196 lbs.

Biceps flexed: 14.5 inches

Biceps unflexed: 14 inches

Forearm unflexed: 11.5 inches

Chest (at nipple line): 38 inches

Waist (at belly button) 37.5 inches

Hamstring: 23.5 inches

Calf: 14.75 inches

Neck: 16 inches

I'll update this periodically and let you know how the training is going. So far I've started a program for the past two weeks of conditioning for 20 minutes and then lifting weights.

BEFORE:


AFTER: To Be Determined.

Ambulances start charging fat people

Another reason not to be fat... ambulances are charging you extra for hauling your fatty butt to the hospital.

The memory still bothers Ken Keller: A panicked ambulance crew had a critically ill patient, but the man weighed more than 1,000 pounds (454 kilograms) and could not fit inside the vehicle. And the stretcher wasn't sturdy enough to hold him.

The crew offered an idea to Keller, who was then an investigator with the Kansas Board of Emergency Medical Services. Could they use a forklift to load the man — bed and all — onto a flatbed truck? Keller agreed: There was no other choice.

"I'm sure it was terribly embarrassing to be in his own bed, riding on the back of a flatbed with straps tying him down, going to the hospital, and then have a forklift at the hospital unload him," Keller said.

As the nation battles the obesity crisis, ambulance crews are trying to improve how they transport extremely heavy patients, who become significantly more difficult to move as they surpass 350 pounds (159 kilograms). And caring for such patients is expensive, requiring costly equipment and extra workers, so some ambulance companies have started charging higher fees for especially overweight people.

The move to modify ambulances is just the latest effort to accommodate plus-sized patients. Some hospitals already offer specially designed beds, wheelchairs, walkers and even commodes.

Ambulance companies say it's time for insurance providers, Medicaid and Medicare, or patients themselves to begin paying the added costs, which are cutting into their razor-thin profit margins.

Here's an idea... we should stop treating obesity like its a disease and look at ourselves in the mirror. It's our own fault and people should have to pay extra for it. Once these lazy individuals realize that it's tough being fat, they might work a little extra on the treadmill instead of at McDonalds.

How do you get to be 1,000 POUNDS??!?!

Apparently I should become a Milwaukee Brewer Fan

This is what it's like being a Milwaukee Brewers fan.

"As a Cubs fan, my friends and I frequently travel to 'Wrigley North' to catch games. This year, we went to the April 12 Sunday Night Baseball game. My friend secured good seats, second row just about on the left field foul pole. There were four of us, seats 5-8. We show up a late, just before game time (we caught the end of the Masters before heading in). Anyway, we go down to our seats, and there is a family sitting in seats 1-4.

Dad, mom, daughter (maybe 19) and son (16 or so). The problem is, being Wisconsin mouth-breathers, they are fat as f***. Honestly, the daughter, who was supposed to be in seat 4, was spilling into the area of the bench marked 6. Each of them looked like the spawn of Dom Deluise and Rosie O'Donnell, but blonde.

When my friends and I tried to cram in, the daughter had the nerve to yell AT US for trying to sit there, and told us there wasn't room. Clearly. Anyway, after shoehorning ourselves in, we proceeded to find out exactly why 'sconnies look the way they do. In the first six innings of the game (they left after 6!), the girl alone polished off the following: a bratwurst, a soft pretzel, a slice of pizza, fried cheese curds, and cheese fries. Oh, and about 4 miller lites. Welcome to Miller Park." (Brian)

But wait, there's more!

"I'm sitting in the left field bleachers with a couple buddies and (surprise) the Brewers are getting killed. It's like the 3rd inning, when all of a sudden the people right in front of us finally find their seats. Which I have to give them credit for, because they were WASTED. It was a couple, some douche with fake Oakleys and hat sideways like he's all gangsta but is actually a huge p**** and some whore wearing a JJ Hardy t-shirt. (It's easy to spot the slutty girls at Miller Park. Just look for the 7's. )

First thing they do is order grab a round and then they drink some more. They were actually cut off by the beer guy, which I have never seen before. When they weren't drinking or peeing, they were straight up making babies on each other. They weren't even watching the game at all. The huge grope fest eventually catches the attention of the whole section, but mostly my friends and I, who had the misfortune of being 6 inches from this fat girl getting felt up her jean skirt. We started laughing at them after a while and they eventually realized it and the dude turns around and cleverly says 'f**s.'

So it's like the 7th inning and they're going at it, when out of God's good graces they stop for a moment. Just like it was out of a movie, the girl just pukes EVERYWHERE. I have never laughed harder in my entire life. The people sitting in front of them got sprayed. It was awful/wonderful.

But the best part is instead of helping the poor girl out, this guy IMMEDIATELY just books it up the aisle and disappears. I guess they weren't such good friends after all. Anyway, she sits there for a minute and tries to play it off like nothing happened, but there's vomit everywhere so there's nothing doing. Everyone is just howling at this girl. Eventually she gets up and stumbles off to the whoratory or wherever she was going. Then we grabbed their bobbleheads and left. (Eric G.)

... well looks like I'm circling Miller Park on my ballpark tour. Just South of North! Where one half of the editorial staff is obese, yet we still like to make fun of fat people. Gotta love blogs.

(Thank you Deadspin for making my Monday so much better)

Epic Photo: Fat guy with skinny girls

This is how I sunbathe.

You could go to jail if your kid gets too fat

This is an odd story coming out of the South - which is known for it's less that calorie-crunching diet. From CNN...

At our morning meeting, a story that is attracting national attention also sparked a lively discussion in the newsroom when someone asked the question: Should the parents of children who are dangerously overweight face criminal action?

Back in June, authorities in South Carolina arrested Alexander Draper’s mother, charged her with criminal neglect of a child and custodial interference and put Alexander in foster care. He was 14 years old and 555 pounds.

Two things ... I blame a lot of parents for allowing their kids to get fat because they simply don't have the backbone to cut off the Twinkies or make them go outside and do chores. I mean you see some FAT kids these days and if you're a parent how can you keep sending them to school like that to get made fun of, and how can you expect them to lead normal, healthy lifestyles? I mean you're kind of putting them at huge disadvantage by letting them eat whatever they want.

Now it seems that we're becoming more "accepting" of our larger brethren... leading to that previous paragraph to be somewhat of a mute point. In a society that is trying not to be critical of large people - teasing, mocking, all that bad stuff - aren't we essentially feeding the pig (hehe, pun)? I mean if it's perfectly okay to look like Jabba the Hutt's stunt double, than why would anyone try and work out? When you go to a gym do you see any fat people trying to work out and lose the weight? Maybe a few, but the overwhelming majority of people are in shape and good looking.

So if we're getting to the point where we have to through parents in jail for letting their kids get to fat, maybe we should look at the root of the problem - laziness, ease of food (trust me, I'm chubby, I know) and lack of social disgust (Big thanks to my friend Anna for always making fun of my back fat, without her reducing me to tears on a daily basis, I'd probably weigh 400 pounds now). It's not the parents fault, its this country's fault.

Remember what happen to Rome when all the Romans got fat and comfortable?

Check it out... I'm actually healthy

Good news everyone! To all you calorie counters out there that like to make fun of my McDonalds eating habits and rather prominent stomach, go to hell! Because I'm going to live longer than you.

A new Japanese study found that people who are a little chubby at the age of 40 tend to live a surprising six to seven years longer than their skinny counterparts.

"We found skinny people run the highest risk," said Shinichi Kuriyama, an associate professor at Tohoku University's Graduate School of Medicine who helped conduct the study.

"We had expected thin people would show the shortest life expectancy but didn't expect the difference to be this large," he added.

This has to be one of the best days of my life. It's okay if I have a little junk in my ginger trunk because in the end, I'll be the cool guy in the nursing home spinning wheelies while all you thin people are there are taking you diabetes medicine. Have fun!

"It's better that thin people try to gain normal weight, but we doubt it's good for people of normal physique to put on more fat," Kuriyama said.

Oh.. crap, so having a Twinkie party is not a way to better health?

Things I've noticed about gyms

I went to workout at a gym last night for the first time since I developed a beer belly and boy, I'm apparently allergic to exercise.

At least though, I picked a pretty non-descript, non-big corporate gym, so it was a pretty laid back atmosphere. And it wasn't crowded so I didn't have to ask for Joe Sweaty to stop touching my bum.

However, there's something about the nature of gyms that constant throughout.

The loud guy grunting - I understand you're channeling your Chi, but you sound like you're giving birth to a Watermelon.

The guy texting on the bike - That's me! Let's just say I am an expect at the "low impact" workout. Maybe that's why I'm fat. At least I get my socializing done.

The fat person that always seems to be walking around the gym but not actually doing anything - And they've been there for like four hours. I don't get it. Wouldn't you spend your free time in a place that is a little less stinky.

Spray bottles - Nothing like someone fermenting the room with a wonderful aroma of rubbing alcohol.

Cut-off t-shirts - Say hello to the gun show, or in my case, the broken toy water pistol show.

iPods - I seriously do not know how people worked out before the advent of iPods. If mine had a dead battery, I probably wouldn't go work out. If it failed on me halfway through the workout, I'm packing things in.

Funny thing too, never drop your iPod on the treadmill, they tend to shoot backwards.

TVs - They're either showing Sportscenter or the O'Reilly Factor. Why the O'Reilly Factor? To make people feel better about themselves.

Hopefully my gym has a McDonalds in the back.