October 30, 2008

Reasons why you're still single

You actually believe all those McCain-Obama election polls that ask 3,000 people who they're going to vote for.

3,000 -- 300 million people... yeah there's a pretty big difference.

The real crime here is the journalist who F-ed up the deck

Now while I can appreciate the story that just came out about a campus cop who was stealing donuts in upstate New York, I'm a bit confused becase in the deck of the story the website reports $300 worth of donuts sold while in the story it says $30.

If he stole $300 worth of donuts I'd be more worried about his health than actually putting him in jail.

Although the most entertaining thing about this story was all the people commenting about how "The pig is getting what he deserved" and "he though he was above the law."

Well I'll be the first to say that in a donut shop that was offering free coffee to police officers anyways, taking a free pastry isn't exactly grand theft auto. I dare say that media and press members take more than their share of free food from the press box during sporting events, should they be charged for theft to?

And taking a donut is not exactly a power trip, it's a way to get diabetes.

October 29, 2008

Halloween Costume Ideas!

Halloween is already upon us and I’m sure you’re already sick of seeing the “Zombie, because I think death is cool” and “Kitty Kat, because all I have to do is wear cat ears on my head” variety of costumes.

Luckily, sports provides a myriad of possible costume ideas, and since this column is just a week too late, you have an entire year to make it.

Ed Hochuli
Simply get a referee jersey, pad your shirt to give a bulky, strong-man appearance (apology to “that guy” who thinks he has guns for arms but they’re actually twigs) and then walk around with a whistle, inadvertently blowing it all the time.

Tri-City Americans fan
This requires a mullet wig, Ams jersey, mobile home, cut-off jeans, cowbells (a sure sign of an annoying fan) and no Memorial Cup Championship ring.

WSU or Washington Football fan
Very easy, just find a paper bag and put it over your head.

Clay Bennett
This might require you to go down to your local Halloween store and find a snake costume.

Shaun Alexander
You can just dust off that old “37” Seahawks jersey and fall down everytime it looks like somebody is going to get close to you.

Mariners General Manager
Just walk around in a suit throwing money at people that don’t look very talented when it comes to the game of baseball.

Michael Phelps
This might be a little tough; somehow get your hands on eight Olympic Medals from Beijing, wear them around your neck and make sure that you have ample time to squeeze your large buttocks into one of the swimming suits that are tighter than the Oakland Athletics front office.

Fred McGriff
Wear a baseball cap with an obscenely high crown, and keep endorsing Tom Emanski’s Defensive Drills Video.

October 28, 2008

Tracking Ryan Plackemeier

In his first game as a Redskin, Plackemeier had two punts averaging 40.5 yards a punt. He downed one punt within the 20 yard line.

Epic Video: New Numa Numa?

I was leaving the good ol' Fox Sports today and flipped on the radio. The new T.I. featuring Rihanna song was on. It's called "Live Your Life."

It sounded strikingly like the Numa Numa song. Unless you have been hiding under a rock, then I am sure you know who the Numa Numa guy is, but if not here is the song.

Now after hearing that song. Listen to the new T.I./Rihanna song.

Same tune? I'm going with yes.

October 27, 2008

Titans win!

So while World Series is on hold due to rain, at least for now, I would like to take this time to rub the Titans' 31-21 victory over the Indianapolis Colts in Casey's face.

Actually that would be mean, so instead I'm going to talk about the team's odd rise to success.

It's called the Ewing Theory, you take away a much hyped young quarterback in Vince Young and put in grizzled veteran Kerry Collins and you have the Ewing Theory in a nutshell. Here's the official definition of it...

-A star athlete receives an inordinate amount of media attention and fan interest, and yet his teams never win anything substantial with him (other than maybe some early-round playoff series).

- That same athlete leaves his team (either by injury, trade, graduation, free agency or retirement) -- and both the media and fans immediately write off the team for the following season.

This is a clear cut case since Vince Young was given the moon after his Rose Bowl victory over USC. However, since coming into the pros his career has been less than spectacular. I'm surprised they didn't retire his number before he even started playing for the Titans. Young is a pouter though. Remember when he pouted because he didn't win the Heisman Trophy? Remember when he pouted when fans booed him and he had to be coaxed back into the game by Titans head coach Jeff Fisher? Remember when his mom came to the rescue during his recent stretch of mental direst? All pouting. Nobody wants to play for a guy like that.

Kerry Collins on the other, well I mean here is a guy that has had to battle back from the absolute depths of battling with alcoholism. Heck, he even got punched in the face for a racial slur he made against a teammate (he said that he meant it as a way to "bond" with teammates jokingly). After getting cut by the Carolina Panthers, playing one year with the New Orleans Saints and getting a second chance with the New York Giants, Collins led the G-men to a Super Bowl where they lost to the Ravens. It was one of those feel-good stories, except that if you look at old photos of Collins his long greasy hair makes you wince.

Then Collins dropped of the face of the earth again. The Giants weren't that good and neither was Collins. I remember watching MNF with my friend in a game that saw Collins lead a late-game drive to take the lead for New York. However, the Giants then gave up a touchdown that sent it to overtime and the camera cut to Colins who was sitting on the bench with a face that basically said...

"I have to go out there again and play?!?!"

The Giants lost that game. Collins then went to Oakland... ugh... and then signed with the Titans as sort of a vertan fill-in while the team brought along Vince Young.

Well so far thats panned out as well as a chocolate fountain at a Jenny Craig convention.

However, he's gotten a second... third, and fourth chance in Tennessee and its seems to be working so far, and Jeff Fisher is the kind of coach that can make this sort of move.

Heck, he survived the loss of Steve McNair and Eddie George, two staples for the Titans.

Look for Tennessee to make another solid run in the playoffs with Collins at the helm, I'm thinking that Young's days as a Titan are not over, but they are in question.

Epic Video: I got a rock

It wouldn't be Halloween without a certain round-headed kid trick-or-treating in a ghost costume with too many eye holes. Good ol' Charlie Brown.

October 26, 2008

An American football team in Europe

San Diego and New Orleans face off at Wembley Stadium in London this Sunday in the second regular season NFL game played oversees in Europe. If you remember, the Giants and Dolphins faced off against one another in the same place last year.

What's really impressive about this game is the fact that the NFL was able to sell a majority of the tickets for the game in the 90,000-seat stadium last year. This should turn some heads of execs that hey, we might have ourselves a market here.

While the NFL Europe folded, one could say that nobody wants to watch an American minor-league system except Americans. However, the support for the actual NFL is quite strong in Great Britain. Travel costs would stink, but with the NBA looking at overseas markets, and globalization really taking hold, we might be seeing an international league here in the foreseable future.

And yet... Seattle doesn't have a basketball team.

October 21, 2008

How I Met Your Mother...It wasn't at a Mariner's game

Living in the Pacific Northwest, I realize that the sports scene is sucking right now. But now, the rest of the nation is making fun of it too.

Al Michaels on Sunday night football (when the Seahawks were getting ripped apart by the Bucs) made comment about how terrible the Huskies were, the fact the Sonics left, and that the Hawks were gonna loose. Thanks Mr. Michaels.

Then there was "How I Met Your Mother" last night on NBC. Here is the exact quote from the scene.

The characters are sitting around talking about if it would be strange to invite an ex-girlfriend to your wedding.

The character Marshall:

"Why invite a failed relationship to come see a successful one? That would be like inviting the Seattle Mariners to the World Series. That'd be just awkward for everyone."

Thanks NBC. You must really hate Seattle.

October 20, 2008

Reasons why you're still single...

You grew up in the Northwest, you work for the Northwest sports media, you went to a community college in the Northwest, yet all you talk about is how amazin', awesome, super-duper, cool SEC football is.

October 16, 2008

Ryan Plackemeier has a new home

Not just Shaun Alexander was signed by the Washington Redskins two days ago. That's right, Ryan Plackemeier (my favorite player in the NFL) was signed to a two year deal.

I've never rooted for the Redskins, and since I just became a Chargers fan I can't switch teams mid season, but I will secretly be hoping they do good. Not just cause I hate the Cowboys either.

And Justin Forsett is back with the Hawks. And as the faithful readers of Just South of North may know, the release of him and Plackemeier led to the demise of my Seahawks fan-dom. Yes, fan-dom is a word. Anyway, Forsett is back and the the Hawks will still stink. Go Chargers! (And Redskins now)

Seahawks, you broke my heart and I still am not healed. With time I may heal and you may once again become my favorite team, but for now here is how I feel.

October 15, 2008

Epic Video: Trying out for the Spokane Shock

Yup, I get paid for this.

You know it's bad that you have Shaun Alexander on your team...

When I take the effort to text message a friend after discovering that Shaun Alexander's break tackle rating on Madden 09 was 88.

And the general reaction from everyone has been "Serious? Really? 88? Wow, did they even watch him last year?"

I hope the Redskins enjoy tackles behind the line of scrimmage for a loss.

(Disclaimer: Shaun Alexander is actually a really nice guy from what I hear. So this isn't directed to him as a person, but rather the player. Because he leads the league in fall downs before contact with a defender.)

October 14, 2008

Epic Photo: Swoop takes a poop

Kind of a weird metaphor for EWU's football team so far this year...

October 13, 2008

I know this guy...

So most normal people going through the drive thru that are high usually just order an absurd amount of food because they have the munchies. Or they mispronounce the menu items. Or they give the cashier four 100 dollar bills by mistake.

But they usually don't try to pay the cashier with pot.

VERO BEACH, Fla. - A McDonald's cashier called 911 after a Vero Beach drive-thru customer allegedly offered to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff's Office said the cashier called Monday with a description of the vehicle the suspect had been riding in.

A deputy spotted the vehicle, found marijuana in the car and arrested its occupant, 27-year-old Shawn Alexander Pannullo.

Pannullo was charged with possession of cannabis and posted $500 bail. It was unclear if he had an attorney.

That last line cracks me up. I'm going to guess "no" on the attorney. You'd better be grateful if he shows up to his court date with pants on. I'm shocked not by the fact that the guy offered the cashier marijuana, but because the cashier didn't take it as payment. What is this world coming to if fast food workers aren't stoners?

October 12, 2008

Reasons why you're still single...

You stroll into the bar, see two gentlemen watching game 2 of the ALCS, and then decide to reach up to the television they are watching (even though there's roughly eight more televisions in the bar) and change the channel to the UCLA Bruins/Oregon blowout.

The sad part is, since this happened in Cheney, you probably didn't go to either respective school. You sir are a certified dick.

Reasons why you're still single...

You're a Montana Grizzly fan.

October 9, 2008

Big Sky date in Cheney

This weekend the Big Sky champion may very well be decided. Now I know that one game doesn't win a season, but this one would certainly help.

It's the Eagles.

And the Griz.
And me after the game.

Epic Photo: Pacman Jones

To commemorate Adam Jones latest escapades... here's a photo for your enjoyment.

October 8, 2008

Mini helmet trouble

Since I collect a bunch of stuff that nobody ever really needs, I decided that I wanted an Eastern Washington University mini football helmet. You know, those cool little helmets that every person at Fox Sports Network has on their desks.

Only one problem. Despite my impressive Google ability, no such item exists. I found helmets for the Montana Grizzlies and even the Montana State Bobcats. (They still play football in Bozeman?) I guess they suit up a team anyway.

Probably wearing those mini helmets.

Heck, even the North Dakota State Bison get a mini helmet. And yes, that is a Louisiana Tech helmet in the picture above. Lame.

Anyway, sad day. I guess now I need to find some EWU stickers and paint my own helmet.

Epic Video: An Amazing Fake Pool

We're only years away from having fake trees and grass as well

Linemen are stupid, actually

Tim Tebow scores... he scores alot. I mean just look at this photo above. Okay, that was a lie, Tebow could be going into the priesthood for all I know and that could be his sister in that photo. However, Lineman are always jelous of people that can score a lot. Hence this comment from an Tigers defensive tackle Ricky Jean-Francois about the upcoming Flordia-LSU matchup this weekend in college football:

"If we get a good shot on [Tebow], we're going to try our best to take him out of the game," Jean-Francois said Monday, according to the Orlando Sentinel's Web site. "With his size and his heart, it's hard to get a clean shot.

"I think every lineman wants to get a good hit on a Heisman Trophy winner."

To which a response was released from Florida:

Jean-Francois' remark "fires Tim up. Seems a little unsportsmanlike to me," Florida offensive coordinator Dan Mullen said Tuesday. "Intentionally injuring other players is not part of the game that we teach here."

Awww. Crap. A fired up Tim Tebow? Remember how he promised the media that they would not find a harder working player in college football making sure his team wins their games. And then you throw this into the mix. Tebow is going to rush for 500 yards and pass for a 1,000.

The obvious bulliten board and media controversy that would follow caused Jean-Francois (and probably LSU's PR department) to make this move.

Later in the day, Jean-Francois issued a statement through LSU that said, "We never go into any football game trying to hurt a player from the other team. My comments in regard to Florida quarterback Tim Tebow were misinterpreted and were intended to reflect the style of football that we play at LSU.

"We have great respect for Tim as a player and a competitor. By taking him out of the game, I meant as a defense we are going to try to make him ineffective. I'm sorry that my initial comments were interpreted another way."

You can read the full story from ESPN.

October 6, 2008

We're screwed thanks to asteroids

Okay so that was an exaggeration, but a small asteroid is expected to burn up in the earth's atmosphere...

WASHINGTON (AP) — A small asteroid was headed for a fiery but harmless dive into Earth's atmosphere early Tuesday morning over Africa, astronomers said in a first of its kind advance warning.

Harvard scientists announced late Monday afternoon that the asteroid 2008 TC3 would burn up in the sky, making a fireball potentially visible to people in northern Africa. Measuring between 3 feet and 15 feet in diameter, the rock was expected to enter Earth's atmosphere above Sudan at 10:46 p.m. EDT Monday, just before dawn in Africa.

Harvard astronomer Tim Spahr said the asteroid was so small it wouldn't reach the ground before burning up and wouldn't hurt anyone, but the fireball should be seen heading from west to east."It's the size of Spud Webb, Mr. President."

I'm glad we have an early warning system to find out when we're really screwed.

October 5, 2008

Starbucks sucks

While you're letting you eyes gather in the hotness that is Britney Spears ... yeah gather that in... you should hear what Starbucks is doing:

The giant coffee chain has a policy of keeping a tap running non-stop at all its 10,000 outlets worldwide, wasting 23.4 MILLION litres a day.

That would provide enough daily water for the entire two million-strong population of drought-hit Namibia in Africa or fill an Olympic pool every 83 minutes.

Every Starbucks branch has a cold tap behind the counter providing water for a sink called a “dipper well”, used for washing spoons and utensils.

What the heck? Did a bunch of guys sitting around the Starbucks board room during a brainstorm session think they needed more corporate-juggernaut aura hovering around their business.

"You know what we could do to really piss people off? Turn our facets on and leave them on.

"Brilliant Dave! Now lets go have lunch, I hear the restaurant we're going to is serving an endagered species as the special"

Sometimes corporations need common sense advisers because anyone with half a brain would have told the coffee giant that this may not exactly be the best PR device.

But if OJ Simpson's latest trial has shown us anything, nobody uses common sense advisers anymore.

Husker's play dirty?

As soon as Bo Pelini was hired at the University of Nebraska, t-shirts started popping up in the local shops with sayings like, "My Bo-friend's back," and "Bo Know Best." Well, after Chase Daniel's comments in the article below, perhaps the next shirt should read, "Say it ain't so Bo." You tell me if you think Nebraska is dirty. But anyway you look at it, no one can say they are a football dynasty anymore. Dirty or clean.

Published Sunday October 5, 2008
Huskers a dirty team, QB Daniel says

LINCOLN — In his final appearance against Nebraska, quarterback Chase Daniel of Missouri didn't hold back on the field or in the postgame interview room.

During MU's 52-17 victory, the senior Heisman Trophy finalist completed 18 of 23 passes for 253 yards and three touchdowns. After the game, Daniel kept attacking."They came out hitting," he said. "Nebraska was definitely one of the dirtiest teams I've played. It's football, so you've got to be ready for it. . . . You've just got to go out there and play."

Asked to elaborate on the dirty play, Daniel leveled an accusation."Walking out before pregame, I got spit on," he said. "I've never really done that before."Spit on by a player?"Yes, by a player. A Nebraska player," Daniel said.Who was it?"I'm not going to say who it was," Daniel said. "He knows who it is. I think that's bush league. I've never done that. That's blatant disrespect."

Daniel also wasn't wild about some comments that came out of the Nebraska camp last week. Among them:NU coach Bo Pelini talking about shutting out Missouri; tailback Marlon Lucky saying Missouri had better watch out because NU was mad after losing to Virginia Tech; and linebackers coach Mike Ekeler's remarks at the Big Red Breakfast about being really excited about the Blackshirts' game plan.

"We heard everything," Daniel said. "The moment it came out, we heard it."That's just blatant disrespect for us. You've got to settle (it) on the field, and I think we more than did that tonight."

The payback stretched far behind Saturday night, Missouri coach Gary Pinkel said. The scope included the Tigers' drought in Lincoln back to 1978.

"This win is not just about this 2008 team," Pinkel said. "This is about 30 years of a lot of different fans around the country and the world and ex-players."I'm proud of my players for competing hard and getting a win at one of the toughest places in the country to play."

Daniel said it wasn't all that difficult in Memorial Stadium after some early hubbub from Husker fans."They were pretty loud for the first two series," he said. "After that, they sort of stopped it. It's awesome to play in front of it. Where else would you rather be? It's 90,000 fans and a hostile environment. To be able to come out and play a lot like that says a lot about our team."

Did Pinkel detect any nervousness in pregame from his fifth-ranked team?"No, they were excited. Very excited," he said. "We had great practices last week. . . . And they took it personal. When you hear about something since 1978, they cared."

October 4, 2008

That free beer guy

Not sure how he does it but Jake Rehm has these special powers when you go out in public with him...

- People comment on the kilt that he wears.
- People give him free beer.
- People give him free food.
- I always get drunk for some reason.
- We always end up talking about Ronald Regan.

I'm going to start wearing a kilt.