EPIC movies you need to watch to survive in college

If you haven't seen these movies because (a) your parents don't let you watch PG movies, (b) you came from an Amish community, (c) you didn't have electricity because you lived in Romania until age 14 or (d) you're a communist, than I would suggest going down to your local movie store and renting them.

If you didn't meet the following criteria than you have no excuse and you've lived a very sad childhood. You're so pop culturally inept that you think that McLovin' is a new fast food burger.

Please get the independent movie rod out of your butt and watch some of these fine examples of American cinema.

The Original Star Wars Trilogy

Otherwise, the Family Guy episode of "Star Wars" is completely not funny. Although it is interesting to see how Chris makes a way better Luke Skywalker than Mark Hamill.

Indiana Jones Trilogy

Since the fourth one of Harrison Ford in a nursing home isn't out yet, I can't yet add the wheelchair races to the collection of Indiana Jones movies, but we'll see (Put old people in front of giant rolling rock and we might have an interesting movie). Who didn't pretend to be Indiana Jones when they were a kid? And how many people ended up cutting themselves trying to use a bullwhip.

And where the hell did they get the bullwhip?

I personally hate Nazis, they're a bunch of bloody jerks, so to see Indiana Jones kick their butts is really all you need for an evening of entertainment. That, and Sean Connery.

GoldenEye

I'm going to piss a lot of people off here who have a lot of macho-ism problems but Bond movies suck. They're generally long-drawn out affairs with a lot of pointless dialogue and lame acting. Luckily, that means you only have to watch one very good James Bond movie to feel like you've felt the whole secret agent part of our movie culture.

GoldenEye has it all: Tank chase scene, wonderful ending battle with the main villain and of course, one super awesome N64 game. Just ignore the whole computers from 1994 thing.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Set aside a weekend, take lots of bathroom breaks and digest Peter Jackson's masterpiece. While the running times are long, the story and characters will envelop you but I would highly recommend stopping for a few hours if you feel the urge to start a World of Warcraft account.

The Goonies

I think we all grew up with a Chunk in our childhood. And if you haven't seen Sloth on the big screen you're never going to understand why your buddies go "Hey you guuuuuyyyyysss!" when that lumpy kid walks by who's face got disfigured in a George Foreman grill accident.

Space Jam

Watching Bill Murray play basketball is worth the price of a nine dollar DVD from Walmart.

Rocky 4

Skip all the other Rocky movies because they're either too deep of flicks or just horrible (the series really swayed back and fourth). For a happy medium, watch Rocky 4. It's terribly hammy, cheesy, whatever, but that's Stallone at his best.

Tombstone

Actually watch this movie every week if you can. Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday. Need I say more.

The Mighty Ducks Trilogy

I would suggest the second one "D2" when they square off against Team Iceland in the Junior Goodwill Games. You wouldn't think it, but apparently Junior Goodwill Hockey teams have to deal with endorsements, fame and TV cameras, because people really do care about how middle-schoolers do in international competition.

Back to the Future Trilogy

I want a hoverboard. I know they don't exist but I don't care. I want a hoverboard. And by the way, they travel to 2015 in this movie, which is seven years from now.

We have that amount of time to wait before we get hoverboards.

I'm counting down the days.

Boy do I love cookies

This is the greatest idea ever...

When we began baking cookies as juniors at the University of Pennsylvania in 2003, we only intended to give them to our friends. But when students started calling, we decided not to be selfish, so we began delivering cookies and milk around campus. Then, we expanded to four new campuses. And now, we present Insomnia Cookies to you. You don't have to order a heavy meal or a greasy pizza when you get hungry anymore. Order fresh baked cookies and milk instead.

Cookies? Late-night cookies? Every college campus should have an Insomnia cookies. This is American capitalism at its greatest.

And the best part, you can set up your own Insomnia Cookies.

Epic Video of Greatness

He may have been recently arrested in a domestic dispute. But he still gave us one of the sweetest songs for the sweetest heros of this generation. Turn it up and SHELL it out!

Epic Photo of Greatness

I like lightsabers. They're super cool. Almost as cool as this advertisement.

A good emergency blaster or Wookie crossbow would be cool as well.

Epic Video of Greatness

Here's Saturday afternoon in Cheney...

BREAKING NEWS! Democrats go Emo

In an effort once again to gain a stranglehold of the youth vote, Democrat leaders have employed a new strategy to enlist new college students into their ranks.

After extensive research by the Democrat think tank that recommended John Kerry as their presidential nominee in the election of 2004, a conclusion by party officials that the best way to reach college students is to go emo.

"Trust me dudes, Hilary is down with emo, so is Barack," said a highly-place party leader. "Do you think John McCain ever felt the pain of not being loved by his own parents? No, he was a war hero, everybody loves a war hero."

Photos on the Internet have surfaced showing a eye-shadowed Hillary Clinton, wearing a t-shirt from Hot Topic, dodging sniper fire.

The new strategy seems to be gaining ground among college students.

"I love that Barack and Hillary finally understand who I am," said Shelly Monoloham, a major in physiology. "I hear Barack owns a Invader Zim backpack and cuts himself when he loses a state in the primaries."

Facebook groups such as "Republicans: they don't listen to Good Charlotte" and "John McCain doesn't wear girl pants."

Republicans have responded to the emo backlash lethargically.

"Well, we like to cater to constituents who aren't at risk of suicide," said one party official. "And makes lots and lots of money. You do the math with emo kids."

As surge in the polls for the democrats has become apparent in the 18-25 demographic. Roughly 90 percent of all college-age votes so far have been towards the left in primaries, which accounts for a complete shift of .00008 of the vote.

You must have realized by now that I have a crush on Robert Downey Jr.

The man can act. He can play a smary bastard in the best possible sense. It would be an understatement to say that superhero movies have sucked as late. But with RDJ in the mix, we might have ourselves a hit...

Sounder Blue, Rave Green and Cascade Shale

I have finally done it. I have figured out why the Sonics are leaving the city of Seattle. It's because of their team colors. Green and gold just can't cut it in this town.

This was made clear with the unveiling of the logo for the new MLS franchise in Seattle. The Seattle Sounders FC. Their colors are the true colors that represent this city. Blue and green.

Now it wasn't always this way, two colors defining a city. And honestly, we owe it all to the Seahawks.

In 1976 the Seahawks came to town. When they showed their logo for the first time it was established. These colors are the Pacific Northwest. Royal blue and green.

Then in 1977 the Mariners were born. For their choice they opted for Royal blue and gold. Oh so close.

It took them until 1993 to figure out that gold didn't belong in this town. That's when they changed their colors to navy blue and Northwest green. Yes, even a color specific for the area.

In 2002 the Seahawks followed with the logo change. Now they don Seahawks blue, dark navy blue and bright green.

So hats off to the Sounders. They knew what this city likes in team colors.

The official team colors are Sounder Blue, representing the waters of the Puget Sound; Rave Green, representing the forests of the Pacific Northwest; and Cascade Shale, representing the Cascade Range to the east of Seattle.

So as the Sonics leave for Oklahoma, MLS comes to the Northwest. And with blue and green for team colors, its sure the Sounders will be here for many years to come.

Why the Red Sox will win the World Series

Boy weren't fun in 2004 when the Sox finally reversed the curse?And since then, the obvious baseball blasphemy of the film Fever Pitch and every Red Sox fans becoming immediately more unbearable than people who use bluetooths, Boston managed to overcome those obstacles and win another World Series title in 2007 and will do it again this year.

How did they manage to even outdo the treacherous Yankees and their evil empire?Beat the Yankee's at their own game. Spend money. And it has worked wonderfully.Instead of spending that money on risky or aging players (As New York has, throwing out cash like Pacman Jones at a strip club), the Sox have found the perfect mix between free agency and prospects.

They've been able to keep the key guys that are the heart and soul of this team. Jason Varitek, David Ortiz, Kevin Youkilis and Manny Ramirez still call Fenway their home and keep the Red Sox lineup more formidable than a fat person at Granny's Buffet.And say what you will about Manny being Manny, but he rises to the occasion. So does the rest of these guys on the roster.

They know when its time to step up and do something, hence their amazing post season success.They've also been able to weather the whole Eric Gagne debacle, and even got JD Drew to do something when the cards were down (Much to the shock and awe of every LA Dodger fan in the universe).

Then there's the pitching staff. Jonathan Papelbon is an Irish-jig dancing, save-machine gift from the baseball gods. Josh Beckett is Josh Beckett, coming through in the clutch more times than John McClane from Die Hard. Dice-K once struck out his shadow.

And if you don't root for cancer-survivor Jon Lester, you don't have a heart.

And these guys are very comfortable with one another. They faced a 3-1 deficit in the ALCS last year against the Cleveland Indians and won three straight games to head into the World Series against the Rockies, who were a really fun AAA squad from the National League.

And they pulled off that magical comeback without even looking like they were breaking a sweat.So you've got pitching, a solid lineup, chemistry and the greatest ballpark in baseball.

What else do you need for a solid run to the championship? A rally monkey? Please.The Boston Red Sox have one of the most solid rosters in baseball, and they'll be a force come October.

Epic Video of Greatness

This is why the Japanese won the World Baseball Classic. They know how to market baseball...



Now that was intense.

It only took 'em four years

Whenever I hear about car recalls, it kinda makes me laugh.

The newest recall is by Toyota. they are recalling 539,500 Corolla and Matrix cars because the bolts on the driver and passenger window come loose. These loose bolts cause the window to shatter.

The best part, (or worst if you own one of these) is that it is on 2003-2004 models. So, it's taken over four years for someone to realize this? When all these windows were shattering nobody said, hmmm.... maybe it's something with the car?

But don't worry.

Toyota will notify owners of the recall in late April. Dealers will replace the driver and front passenger door glass bolts at no charge to owners.

Darn right you better fix it at no charge. Oh, and late April? I guess it has be over four years. What's another few weeks.

That's why I'm thankful I'm a Dodge guy. Oh, and cause they make really badass commercials for really badass cars. Like this one.




I'd like to see Scion try that. "This is our ugly box shaped car. Please buy it. You can customize the wheels to make it look even lamer. Please buy it."

Yeah, no thanks. I'll stick with the muscle.

Epic Photo of Greatness

I would be crying too if I were wearing a Hillary Clinton beanie. Who gets the rights to produce this stuff? Nike? Adidas? Walmart? They need to have some sort of campaign gear store because who wouldn't buy a pair of Air Obamas?

Epic Video of Greatness

I always wanted to be on this show, but probably wouldn't be able to handle the physical demands of the events.



Watch it all the way through for the Butch Cassidy and the Legend of the Silver Horseshoe.

D'oh!

The Simpsons were taken off a Venezuelan television station because it was said to be inappropriate for children. As a replacement during the 11 A.M. time slot, they now will play Baywatch: Hawaii.

Here's the article.

Now let me get this straight. Instead of cartoon characters doing stupid stuff, the children now get to watch hot women in bathing suits, bouncing (literally) around the beach. Yeah. Makes sense to me.

Not that there is anything wrong with it...

One of the more bizarre stories I've read in a while.

REEDSBURG, Wis. (AP) - An elementary-school event in which kids were encouraged to dress as members of the opposite gender drew the ire of a Christian radio group, whose angry broadcast prompted outraged calls to the district office.

Students at Pineview Elementary in Reedsburg had been dressing in costume all last week as part of an annual school tradition called Wacky Week. On Friday, students were encouraged to dress either as senior citizens or as members of the opposite sex.

A local resident informed the Voice of Christian Youth America on Friday. The Milwaukee-based radio network responded by interrupting its morning programming for a special broadcast that aired on nine radio stations throughout Wisconsin. The broadcast criticized the dress-up day and accused the district of promoting alternative lifestyles.

"We believe it's the wrong message to send to elementary students," said Jim Schneider, the network's program director. "Our station is one that promotes traditional family values. It concerns us when a school district strikes at the heart and core of the Biblical values. To promote this to elementary-school students is a great error."

Strikes at the heart and core of Biblical values? Acceptance and love? hmmmmm...

I remember a couple of Halloweens in grade school where a couple kids dressed like girls or visa-versa. There's nothing wrong with it, it's all for fun and laughs so why are (Talk-show radio) Christians going after this?

Because they're renowned for overreacting to things such as the Passion of the Christ movie, the Golden Compass movie and any other pointless pop culture reference that "supposedly" defaces God.

Here's an idea, maybe concentrate on helping others instead of worrying if a grade-schooler puts on a dress as a joke. Seriously, the thought that they'll be influenced by this in a negative light is like saying a girl will get pregnant if she kisses a guy or the sun revolves around the Earth.

Religious ignorance.

Epic Photo of Greatness

(Thanks Spokesman-Review for your photo slideshows)

Sometimes I give the French a little more razzing than they deserve. I must applaud their anti-Chinese protests as the Olympic flame was paraded through their city. Here's a caption from the photo above...

A Pro-Tibet protester escapes a police officer during the Olympic torch relay in Paris. Security officials extinguished the torch four times Monday as chaotic protests against China's record on human rights and Tibet interrupted the relay. (Jacques Brinon/Associated Press)

Apparently things got testy in Paris, because French people get really pissy when governments start taking away freedom. I wish Americans would do the same but we're too busy getting Tivo to work.

(Actually, San Francisco is bracing for the worst when the Olympic torch comes through their town. I hope things get rocking because we know the Bay area loves a great political protest)

Sorry China, but until you start treating your people like human beings, you shouldn't be allowed to host the Olympics. Now go block this blog from your people's search engines...

Squatch: The True Hollywood Story

Thanks to some rich investors from a state called Oklahoma, a member of the NBA will soon be unemployed.

Squatch, the beloved mascot of the Seattle Supersonics will be forced to find work elsewhere. Cause let’s face it, everybody knows there are no Sasquatches in the mid-west. And seeing as how many people won’t hire a huge, hairy, forest creature, it won’t be easy.

Here’s a look at where Squatch’s future will take him:

The Sonics leave the Northwest for the Midwest. Taking their rookies, their new coach, and their memories with them. Squatch decides to head back to the forests of Mount Rainier. Upon returning to his Bigfoot clan he is shunned by the other Sasquatches, because he broke the Bigfoot Code and befriended humans.Depressed, hungry, and wet (cause it always rains in Washington) Squatch is losing faith. Yet he knows that if the former Expos mascot Youppi! can find work again, he can too.

Due to poor investing, Squatch spends the next few months living in Seattle’s Pioneer Square with the homeless. Eating at soup kitchens, and thinking about the good ol’ days. Shaun Kemp, Gary Payton, Detlef Schrempf and winning. He sighs, and as he pulls the Seattle Times over him to stay warm he notices an ad. “Now hiring mascots for Disneyland.”

The next day Squatch is on his way to California. He crashes on the Rally Monkey’s couch as it’s too expensive for him to find a room. Later that week he is hired to be a yeti on The Matterhorn ride. (Yeti’s are distant relatives to Sasquatches).

As the year passes on, Squatch signs on for what is now the 8th season of Dancing With the Stars. He becomes another former athlete (well kinda) to join the show. After impressing many with his hops, jumps and high-flying moves, he just doesn’t have enough and finishes third.

Taking the money he makes from the show, Squatch heads back up to Washington where he falls under the radar.

That is until FSN does a show on him. Where they discover the former famous mascot of the Sonics has fallen on hard times again, now working as the mascot for the Spokane Community College Sasquatches.
The once proud entertainer of an NBA team now dances for empty bleachers and returns each night to his studio apartment. Alone. All thanks to Clay Bennett and Oklahoma City.

Facebook application invites need to go

The Internet has had its share of "those people" in its short history. First it was the people that would send multiple forwarded chain letters a day (if you don't send this email you will have bad luck for 10 years... and a life), then it was the person that used lol and rotfl every other statement during an IM session, MySpace brought upon the advent of the idiots that like to put glittery, sparkly things on their layouts that give most web surfers seizures and now there's the Facebook application people.

Kudos to Facebook for creating a streamlined social networking site. You don't have to deal with many 80 year old stalkers who like human skin lampshades, you don't have forty cam-girl friend requests when you log in and people can't upload annoying profile songs that just end up tipping your professor off to the fact that you're on the Internet during class.

However, they have to do something about people with applications.

It's nice that you can customize your profile, but some Internet junkies have taken it to a whole new level. They've warped past the minions of live journal nerds and pulled a commanding lead in front of those people that comment on their own uploaded photos on MySpace. They've made it their mission to send you every application invite possible.

It sure is a cold day in hell when I log into Facebook and see that I have 2 "Jedi Knight invites, come fight the dark side" and one "This is the application where you choose which one of your Facebook friends you want to sleep with, but they'll never find out about it!"

Thanks guys and gals, it's not like our society was pathetic enough with "Dances with the Stars: 80 year old stalker edition" and "A healthy McDonald's menu for our customers that can't fit in our booths."

We've got to go and rank out friends body types online... but they won't find out because it's TOTALLY confidential. But we will have a ranking list of the top ten.

The only people that get any sort of satisfaction are the ones that spend three hours with a digital camera trying to get that perfect upward angle photo for their profile so that it hides their neck fat.

And what's worse is along with the four "Hello Kitty Fan Club" application invites I get, there's also the occasional douche bag that loves sending a private message through Facebook that says...

"Can you really add this Lord of the Rings Knighthood application. You can delete it right away, but if you download it then I move up in the rankings and I really was to make the "serf" level in a couple of weeks, that means I'll be able to post forum topics on our Lord of the Rings Knighthood application Facebook group board."

It's not going to be an asteroid that destroys this world, it's going to be some moron that invents a Facebook application that sucks whatever remaining brain matter we have left in our heads towards answering "Friends" trivia questions.

You might be seeing an invite from me in the next coming weeks, keep your eyes out for "Please delete your profile from Facebook and spare all of us the pain of having known you" application.

Enjoy!

A real laugh

While my fellow blogketeers were bickering about such things as why no one watches hockey (cause it's boring if it's not live), which Hilton is hotter Paris or Nikki (I'm going with the Reno Hilton on this one) and who will be the next voted off American Idol (Whatever happened to William Hung?), I did something a little more productive.

Please notice the "little" part.

I went to the movies.

Yes, I was in the seats as Leatherheads was released in the Midwest. And I must say, it was a good movie. If you want to read a review, do it at this site, not here. I'm not much for writing reviews of movies. But I will say that watching Jim from The Office play football was quite entertaining. And this might not be the best sports movie of all time, but it was very good for a laugh. And I like movies that make me laugh.

So I recommend the movie. If you go to it, and you don't like it though, don't blame me. Instead, blame this guy.

The Faceoff

We're breaking new ground here at Just South of North. FishBeart Sports and us have joined forces to bring you "The Faceoff" which is basically when Joel Willits (Seattle-area sports reporter) and I try to answer questions and make the other guy look like an idiot. It's good fun.

1. How do you think the NHL should raise its popularity?

FishBear:They need to market their stars. The NHL is full of young, exciting talent such as Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin, just to name a few. But, other than die-hard hockey fans, few people have seen these guys play, which is a shame, because they are electric.

The first thing the NHL needs to do is get back on a major TV network and re-work its TV deal. Sorry, Versus just isn't cutting it. Get back on ESPN, get NHL Tonight fired back up again.Also, get some funny-ass commercials; that always helps.

The Swede:The solid thing about the NHL is the minor-league system that they have working under them in Canada and the United States. Much like Baseball, Hockey isn’t going to disappear because there is so much of it in Smalltown, U.S.A. and Canada. You’re going to have your diehards that follow every aspect of the sport, every prospect coming up through the ranks. It’s a pastime.

Now with that said, the NHL has been marketed horribly. What the league needs to do is pull a page from the NBA in the 90s and market its stars. Not so much the teams as the NFL and baseball does, but rather “Come to the arena and watch this guy kick ass” sort of marketing that basketball seems to pull off very nicely. If they don’t do that, I’m left trying to pronounce a bunch of Eastern European names and cursing Fox for taking away the glowing puck.

2. How do you feel about the Final Four being all four No.1 seeds?

FishBear: I'm fine with it. The best four teams (theoretically) are the last four standing. Sure, it'd be nice to have an underdog, but besides Davidson this year, I can't picture any high seeds that could stand toe-to-toe with these No.1 seeds. George Mason was a fun story in 2006, but they got their asses beat. I'd rather watch some good basketball then a 20-point blowout.

I'm just glad Duke's gone. Fuck Duke.

The Swede:Funny you ask, one of my friends had picked all the No. 1 seeds in his NCAA Bracket, causing me to call him such dirty names as “a moron” and “a frontrunner”.

But he was right, the No. 1 seeds were solid in the tournament this year, and while that means there will be no Cinderella I’m looking forward to seeing some AWESOME matchups in the final four. These games are going to be intense, and you really can’t predict who’s going to take it all because they’re all the best teams in college basketball.

3. Who is your favorite underrated player of all time?

FishBear: Stan F'ing Javier. Look it up. The man was a catalyst

The Swede: Trent Dilfer needs to get more credit. Sure, he runs an offense like a senior citizen drives down a freeway corridor, but if you have a solid defense and a good run game, you can win games with this guy.

When Matt Hasselbeck was first traded to the Seahawks (which seems like forever ago), he sucks. Plain and simple, he sucked balls. Dilfer came in and almost led the woeful ‘hawks to a playoff berth.

I can’t tell you how much I resented Hasselbeck and loved Dilfer for his “never-die” attitude. I’m pretty sure this guy would step in front of a train if it meant winning the game.

He doesn’t have the skill-set, looks like he should probably be like a master bass fisher or something, but he’s definitely a solid field general. And the Ravens are morons for letting him go.

4. Would you rather be a Cubs fan or a Devil Rays fan?

Fishbear: I'd rather be dead than a fan of these two teams. I'd lean more toward Tampa Bay. The Ray's (they dropped the Devils) are on the up and up; at least they're not cursed like the Cubs.

It's gonna be a cold day in hell when either of these teams wins a World Series.

The Swede: Hmmm, Wrigley Field of the Tropicgarbagecan Dome? I’ll take Da Cubs.

5. Do you find any redeeming qualities in NASCAR?

FishBear:Absolutely none. I don't understand how people can sit there and watch cars drive around a track 500 times. But NASCAR has to be doing something write because its wildly popular. File this under "Redneck".

The Swede: No none, whatsoever. NASCAR is like the group of kids in high school that would go outside all day and play hacky sack and smoke pot. There’s really no point to it, and all the popular kids, while not annoyed by them, don’t really pay attention.

I think most sports fans aren’t really annoyed by NASCAR, sometimes the crashes and driver fights are cool, but they really don’t pay that much attention.

6. Is Gonzaga on the rise or fall as a college basketball program?

FishBear: I'm going to go with on the rise. Sure, they haven't made it further than the Elite 8 appearance a while back. But the foundation's been set. Kids WANT to go to Gonzaga for basketball now.

They're getting the good recruiting classes (see: Austin Daye and Stephen Grey) and big transfers from other schools now eye the Little University that Could.You can't argue one thing though-with the facilities the Zags have to offer, they should always grab top-notch talent. The bars been set now.

The Swede: They’ve gone from being a team that is really fun to watch in the tournament to a team that you expect to get upset every year. Wow, what a reversal of fortunes. They’re definitely on the fall.

7. How must Oriole fans feel that their team was picked to finish behind the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the AL East by Sports Illustrated?

FishBear: They feel worse than Travis Henry on Father's Day. Which is why I feel horrible for Adam Jones and George Sherrill, for being traded (or exiled) to Baltimore for Erik Bedard. Baltimore sucks.

The Swede: Like hell is freezing over. The Sammy Sosa experiment really panned out for O’s fans. Their pitching is so bad that Candem Yards vendors must actually plan on shutting down their stands by the fifth inning of every given game.

8. What is better? A hockey fight that results in blood on the ice or a bench clearing brawl in baseball?

FishBear: I think you know my answer: hockey fights. Pedro beating up old men aside, nothing interesting happens in bench clearing brawls. Seriously, the coolest baseball fight happened before the benches even cleared, and that was when Nolan Ryan beat the living shit out of Robin Ventura.

Anybody who doesn't hockey fights are better should just watch this video .

The Swede:Considering most baseball players don’t want to fight and just kind of push and shove, a hockey fight is definitely where its at.

Best moment on sports: Blood on the ice. There’s nothing more horrifying and “I was there!”-ing when somebody gets their nose broken and red starts spurting out all over that nice white ice.

9. Reality TV Show you WOULDN'T want to see made?

FishBear: Law and Order: Cincinnati Bengals Unit.Actually, come to think of it, that's a great idea and I would love to see it.

The Swede:Anything involving New York. Anyone see that girl of Flavor of Love? She looks like she’s recovering from a bad experience with a Cricket bat. PLEASE stop showing her face on television.

10. What "50 percent off" NFL/NBA/NHL/MLB jersey have you thought about buying?

FishBear: I'm going to give you a few of these: NFL: Rod Smart AKA HEHATEME; NBA: Ruben Patterson Seattle Sonics jersey (Maid not included); NHL: Marty McSorley; MLB: Anything with the name "Canseco" on the back (preferably the original Tampa Bay rainbow design)Oh and I'd include a Michael Vick jersey, but I already have one.

And if you thought "federal dogfighting charges" would make me stop wearing it, you'd be wrong.

The Swede: Shaun Alexander. To burn.

Epic Photo of Greatness #1

We're starting a new thing at Just South of North. The Epic Photo of Greatness. Check our inaugural pic out...

... and no that's not me from my middle school days.

The hawk must have been a Yankees fan...

I don't get it, why does everyone hate Red Sox fans. Even the wildlife at Fenway Park...

A red-tailed hawk lost its choice seat behind home plate at Fenway Park today after the raptor scratched a middle school girl on a tour, drawing blood from her scalp.

The girl was in the upper deck behind home plate, some 40 feet from the hawk’s nest, where a single egg lay in an overhang near the press booth. The hawk had been perched on a railing and swooped at the girl with its talons extended. She was taken by ambulance to a local hospital.

"The girl is fine," said Red Sox spokeswoman Susan Goodenow, who said the team followed up with the girl’s group from Memorial Boulevard Middle School in Bristol, Conn.

"The nest and the egg were removed by the Boston Animal Rescue League at the direction of the director of Massachusetts Fish and Wildlife," Goodenow said.

I'm actually horrified. That poor girl must have been scared to death. A hawk swoops down and attack her? My god, I was scared of pigeons flying at me in Portland, who knows what I would do if a Hawk attacked me.

Although I'm convinced that the bird had other motives...






Why can't this happen to Steeler fans instead?

Members of the greatest generation

I've been pretty quite about my opinions on the Iraq War. I believe that this is actually the first time I've actually sat down and typed anything out really pertaining specifically to the War on Terror. Originally appearing in the April 2nd edition of The Easterner, here's what I had to say:

The generation of Americans that fought in WWII is frequently referred to as "The Greatest Generation" for their heroic and selfless struggle against Hitler and the Nazis. They stopped a heartless dictator from taking over the world and still managed to come home and be the backbone of a U.S. economy that boomed in the 1950s and '60s.

That has to be commended. The Axis Powers were very, very close to achieving their goals, and had it not been for the many young American men and women who sacrificed so much for the name of freedom, we might be living under a different flag today.

However, it must be said that there's a different "Greatest Generation" fighting at the moment. These are the men and women of the United States military currently in the countries of Iraq and Afghanistan. While talk-radio pundits, newspaper columnists, know-it-all college students and Hollywood celebrities argue over the War Against Terror as if it's happening in their front yard next to their favorite Starbucks, these American soldiers are suiting up and going out into the war zone every day.

They're not finding new ways to degrade their opposing political party, they're not coming up with shock-value statements to push their own agenda, and they're not voicing their opinion on the war to get elected to office.

They're a quiet force of American soldiers that go out every day because it's their job and their duty. They're put in harm's way every single day. They're faced with decisions that are life and death and they don't get a parade or a TV interview when they come home.

Most Americans are in their own self-contained cocoon and very little of what's happening in the real world gets through to our thick, McDonald's-powered craniums. We see the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts as if they're happening over there, some far-off world that we'll never have to actually experience ourselves.

Is it because of oil? Will we get out of there? Is this the next Vietnam?

We throw these questions around because it gets good ratings and people tend to get riled up about it for discussion. But what does this really mean? The anti-war or pro-war sentiment in this country is so contrived because most Americans don't know what's really going on. We've reduced it to a pretty graphic on the evening news.

You know what? Our soldiers are there, they're in the thick of things. They experience things that most human beings shouldn't be exposed to. Some make the ultimate sacrifice, some perform heroic acts every single day without any acclaim, some have a spouse and kids at home waiting for them.

It's disgusting how much "the troops" are being tossed around by several different groups so they can push their agenda. They're not a spin word for politicians, they're everyone's father, mother, brother, sister, cousin, or friend. They're over there, while our leaders, celebrities and civilians are buzzing around in Porches, sipping lattes and making a slight moan about what's going on in those countries.

They're fighting for us, keep that in mind the next time you speak up about the war against terror. Whether or not you're for or against it, keep in mind that there are citizens of this fine country dying. Make sure what you say is intelligent. Make sure what you say has resonance and for God's sake, make sure you mean what you say.

I can't tell you how much I respect these people, because honestly, I'm not sure if I could do what they do. I'm not sure if I could handle the hellish conditions in Iraq and Afghanistan and I'm not sure if I have the guts to make the ultimate sacrifice for my country. I'm not sure if I'm man or woman enough to be even considered in the same category as our soldiers.

So don't boil this down into some sort of argument between neo-patriotism and anti-war fervor. It's more complicated than that, there are more layers to this conflict than most people can comprehend. Do some thinking before you hop on the for-the-war or against-the-war bandwagon, instead of just jumping blindly into the realm of opinion without having any real basis for what you believe.

It's that kind of blind opinion that gets us into big trouble. The people fighting for us deserve more than that.

Our troops are surely members of a "Greatest Generation," I'm just not so sure about the folks back home.

The study shows....

MSNBC posted a story about 10 studies that have been conducted to discover results that were very obvious.

Read the article here.

Here are the findings of the 10 studies:

1. Un-athletic kids are unpopular at school.

2. Materialistic teenagers are just insecure.

3. Teenagers drink to have fun.

4. Sleep and caffeine combat sleepiness.

5. Vacations are better without your cellphone.

6. Loneliness sucks.

7. Rock stars live fast, die young.

8. Standing is better for you than sitting.

9. Long ambulance rides make you more likely to die .

10. You catch the cold in winter.

Well, we here at Just South of North, being the budding science students we are (Casey got an A in 4th grade science, and Brandon ate a frog) decided to conduct some studies of our own.

Here are our results:

1. If you don't shower, you will stink.

- Despite our roommates pleas, two weeks and still counting.

2. Squirrels eat nuts.

- And they hide them in the fall.

3. Rain is wet.

- And wet t-shirt contests RULE!

4. If you drive your car through the mud, it will get dirty.

- Brandon's car is now stuck in a bog somewhere just outside Cheney.

5. The Miami Dolphins Suck

- Apparently, their entire team was cut from an AFL roster earlier this season

6. Bubble gum sticks to your shoe.

- And in the carpet, and in the girl who sits in front of you hair, and under desks.

7. If you work out you will sweat.

- See number 1.

8. Not tying your shoes can result in falling.

- Use Velcro.

9. Getting Fat sucks
-You may find yourself becoming the pain in every KFC employee's side.

10. Studying will help you get better grades.

- This one is still being tested. Neither of us have yet to study for a class, so we are just basing this on others that sit around us in class.

Baseball is here (and so are creepy mascots)

According to the Associated Press, Alex Rodriguez will make $28 million this season. The entire Florida Marlins 33 man roster and disabled list will make $21.8 million.

Read the article here.

Looks like George Steinbrenner is still trying to buy the World Series. Perhaps this is the reason most of the world hates the New York Yankees.

Or perhaps this is why.

In other baseball news, Chicago Cubs are threatening to put up screens so local rooftops can't see into the stadium.

Read the article here.

This just seems dumb to me. If I buy a building that is taller than the open-air stadium, I should be able to stand on my roof and look into it. Plus, I believe that giant nets would just be an eye-sore at the stadium.

"Wow, we built this open-air stadium, only to cover it in screen nets so the rich people in the skyscrapers next to us can't see the game."

In case you missed it, another dumb thing includes the fact that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are just the Rays this season. No, the Ray doesn't stand for sting ray. It stands for ray of sunshine. Do-Ra-Me-Fa-So-La-Te-Do. Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of golden sun,...

Yeah, tough mascot. 10 points to anybody that can tell me what the heck that thing is!

But in not so dumb news, the Seattle Mariners started the 2008 season on the right note with a 5-2 victory over the Texas Rangers last night.

Man, I just can't stop thinking about that Rays mascot! That's the stuff children's nightmares are made of!

A date with Sasquatch

Growing up in the Pacific Northwest I spent much of my free time camping in the foothills of Mount Rainier. There I saw everything from squirrels to yellow-bellied marmots. But never Sasquatch.

And I had plenty of opportunities to. Now I'm not saying whether Big Foot is real or not. I'm simply saying that I have never seen him.

Well, Gene R. Morrill of New Hampshire claims that he not only saw Sasquatch, but that Sasquatch molested him as a child.

Here's the full story.

Morrill is getting ready to serve a sentence for molestation charges himself. Despite this, some are believing his claims.

"I take him very seriously because I know Mr. Morill has issues," said Defense Attorney Terrence Patton.

But others, think the claim is just too far fetched.

"I've had a few that have claimed abuse, but never by a mythical creature," said Stafford County Detective Darryl Wells.

Residents of the town don’t seem to buy the man's claims either.

"What? Are you serious," said one resident.

"I just don’t believe it," said another resident.

We here at Just South of North know that molestation charges are NO laughing matter. However, molestation charges against Bigfoot are.

So now I am curious. If these claims against Bigfoot are true. Do you think I could get a lady Sasquatch to go on a date?

Maybe a nice larva and moss soup. With some fresh spring water to wash it down. We could take a walk in a heavily forested area. After that we would make a brief appearence in a meadow, so some backpackers would see us, and then vanish to our underground caves.

But what if there are only male Sasquatches?!?!

Great. So now when I go camping I not only have to worry about rain, but now waking up in the middle of the night to Sasquatch in my sleeping bag. Do you think he'll call me back?

Oh, and this video may be proof Bigfoot is real.

Epic Video of Greatness

Yes. This is perhaps the best song, from the best show ever.

E.T. go home

It finally sold. Yes, the much acclaimed UFO style home in Chattanooga, Tennessee finally sold. The sale price. $135,000. Sounds like a cheap deal for an alien space ship.

The house has a retractable staircase that lowers to the ground. A neighbor says that feature came in handy for one former owner who was having an argument with her husband. She pulled up the stairway, drove her husband's truck underneath it so he couldn't get the stairs down and left him stuck inside.

The house is 38-years-old and has three bedrooms. And is actually just one of 96 in the world. The architect of the design, Matti Suuronen, is from Finland.

Here is a site dedicated to "finding" each of these 96 Futuro Homes around the Galaxy. Or at least the world.

Conquering the feast

Ever since Subway launched it's ultimate sandwich, The Feast (which spits in the faces of Jared dieters everywhere), I've wanted to try... survive... a calorie and food intake that would kill a small elephant. Hence, on a lazy Saturday afternoon, fellow blogger Jake Rehm and I decided to head to the Cheney Subway and experience the magic that is The Feast.

Luckily, if Jake and I needed a tan or fulfil the urge to join the navy after eating The Feast, we'd be in the right spot. We hit the store around the afternoon rush, which constituted of roughly five people. You've got to love small towns.

Upon entering the Subway we got the first look at The Feast, or at least a life-size plastic mock-up of The Feast. It may not look like much in the photo, but it's actually quite intimidating. I screamed, a little, like a girl.

The staff at Subway was extremely nice, even though they were getting a digital camera shoved in their face. Here is The Feast under construction.

And the finished product, which is truly a sight to behold. Jake and I relished the fact that we were responsible for the death of five different types of animals on this day.

Got to stock up on liquids. This is going to be a project. Notice I dressed like I was homeless because it was indeed a lazy Saturday afternoon.

The main course.

Someone isn't actually holding up pants behind Jake there. That's actually a Jared sign, who is quite possibly the most hated man in America. Seriously, no one likes to hear how you lost weight. That goes double if you did it eating fast food. Go to hell, Jared.

This was my half of The Feast before I dove in. And the result...

Not bad. Very complex flavor, didn't have a bad aftertaste and definitely filling (something Subway Sandwiches tend to lack sometimes). I give The Feast an A. The best part about eating this big portion was that neither Jake nor I puked afterwards.

Had we eaten the BK Buster, that would have been a different story. Luckily, there's always next week to do that.

March in the Northwest

If there's a bright and warm center to the universe, the Pacific Northwest is farthest from it.

At least in March.

All spring break, there's been snow. Lots of snow.

Nearly every area of the Northwest reported huge snowfalls Friday night and Saturday morning, with outlying and mountain towns receiving well over a foot.

Mt. Spokane Ski Resort, who just announced that their season would be extended by 1 week, reported 16" of fresh snow overnight, with Schweitzer and Silver Mountain checking in at 15" and 6" respectively.

Road crews worked through the night, Friday, to try to keep the roads open, but blowing and drifting snow caused problems in some areas, including Highway 195 on the Palouse.

In North Idaho, a jack-knifed semi briefly closed the westbound lanes of I90 over the 4th of July Pass on Saturday morning, but State Police said that the bulk of the problems were closer to Coeur d'Alene.

The snow tapered off late Saturday morning for most of the area, but a heavy snow warning was in effect for the Central and Northern Idaho Panhandle through Saturday at 11pm.

You can read the full story here from KXLY. Before heading out into the megapolis of Cheney, Wash. last night for some burgers and beers, I thought I'd enjoy a brisk walk. However I was met with this...

We're a week into "Spring" by the way.

This is Sparta!

In Sparta they trained their young boys to fight. From a very early age, the boys were being tested and being primed for battle.

That was 1200 BC. Welcome to 2008. Where Sparta has been reborn.

Thanks to the sport Ultimate Fighting, children as young as 6-years-old are now able to participate.

Read the full article here.

Ultimate Fighting, has now moved from the pay-per-view audience to our own back yard. But this trend has many worried.

A number of medical experts have questioned what the effects of taking such a pounding will be on young, growing bodies.

But Tommy Bloomer, father of two fighters disagrees.

"We're not training them for dog fighting," said Bloomer, a 34-year-old construction contractor. "As a parent, I'd much rather have my kids here learning how to defend themselves and getting positive reinforcement than out on the streets."

And those in favor of the young fights said that it really is no different than youth wrestling.

Hmmm. Youth wrestling = pin the guy on the mat you win. Ultimate fighting = kick the crap out of the other guy you win.

Yeah, I'm just not seeing the similarity. But who am I to question this. I'm sure that kid can beat me up.

New blog for the weary of heart

Apparently, our directional blogging has caught on. Fellow Eastern Washington University student Jake Rehm has decided to start his own blog, Just Southeast of Northwest.

While I feel that this might just be so he can spread his college liberal hippie agenda to the world, the man is from Okanogan, and I'm more surprised than anything that people from Okanogan use the Internet.

What is Okanogan you ask? It's a town in North Central Washington.


As you can see it seems like a fairly innocent town of hippies, loggers, outdoorsmen, Jeff Corwin impersonators and John Kerry (back row, far left).

However, as nice as this recreational town of Okanogan seems, keep in mind that it's right next to the vilest of places in the state of Washington. Omak.

Why? You ask. Because it's ruled by a Walmart. You've been warned.

Now go check out Jake's blog.

It's looking like that journalism degree will pay off

It's nice to go into an industry that's losing millions of dollars every year. By the time I get a good job, journalists will probably printed papers on the back of napkins.

NEW YORK The newspaper industry has experienced the worst drop in advertising revenue in more than 50 years.

According to new data released by the Newspaper Association of America, total print advertising revenue in 2007 plunged 9.4% to $42 billion compared to 2006 -- the most severe percent decline since the association started measuring advertising expenditures in 1950.

The drop-off points to an economic slowdown on top of the secular challenges faced by the industry. The second worst decline in advertising revenue occurred in 2001 when it fell 9.0%.Total advertising revenue in 2007 -- including online revenue -- decreased 7.9% to $45.3 billion compared to the prior year.

You can read the full story here.

I hope Red Robin is hiring.

Jumping ship...

My distaste for the current Sonics ownership is much like my distaste for getting hit in the crotch with a golf club.

And after care consideration, I've decided to jump ship to the Portland Trailblazers. You can read my post on the Ghosts of Wayne Fontes here.

Stuck on the pot

Men can attest to doing some epic work in the b-room. But this is ridiculous...

Feb. 27, 2008 Kory McFarren called police saying there was something wrong with his girlfriend. Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple found Pam Babcock stuck in the bathroom. Literally. She had been on the toilet for approximately two years and her skin had grown around the toilet seat. Whipple said she didn't want to leave.

After finally convincing Pam Babcock she needed medical attention the toilet seat was removed from the toilet and it went with her to the hospital to be removed from her.There wasn't signs of physical abuse- she wasn't tied or glued to the toilet her body fat had just grown around it. McFarren said she just didn't want to come out of the bathroom. When he asked if she would come out of the bathroom she would say maybe tomorrow. He went on to say it just kind of happened, staying in the bathroom. She kept staying in there longer and longer and one day she didn't want to come out. He would bring her food and water and clothes. He admits he should have called for help sooner but after awhile he just got use to it.

You can read the full story here. If you want to. I wouldn't read much further into it.

Couple of questions come to mind. Why would you stick with someone who spent TWO YEARS on the john? What the heck did they do during the holidays?

Hopefully, they had two bathrooms.

Uh-oh, A-Rod

Did A-Rod use steroids? Here's a story from ESPN...

Alex Rodriguez for the second straight day refused to address allegations leveled by Jose Canseco, who claims in his forthcoming book he introduced the three-time MVP to a steroids supplier.

"It's over as far as I'm concerned," Rodriguez said Wednesday after his New York Yankees lost 4-0 to the Philadelphia Phillies. "No further comment on the matter. I'm just excited to be playing baseball."

Canseco discusses the accusations in his book in an exclusive interview with ABC's "Nightline" that will be broadcast Thursday night. Details from the book first came to light Tuesday on the Web site of freelance writer Joe Lavin, who said he obtained a copy.

In "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball," scheduled for release Monday, Canseco claimed he introduced Rodriguez to a trainer/steroids dealer named Max after Rodriguez approached him "in the latter half of the 1990s" and asked where "one" might acquire steroids.

I hate to point fingers, but ouch. The very least A-rod could have done was run Canseco's name through the mud. It's not like it hasn't been done before, and people might actually like him after it. Now, there's a lot of doubt by him saying "No comment."

Now it seems like A-rod didn't want to say anything about it because he didn't want to admit to anything but it more evidence comes up in the future, he doesn't want to be called a liar.

I can't wait until they bust Bud Selig for HGH.

My Northwest Spring Break Adventure

It's been three days into this spring break adventure of mine, and it's already been more than eventful enough. But first, you guys must meet my trusty traveling companions.

James T. Caddey "Hollywood" as I like to call him, you might have seen his blog, The Collegiate Handyman.

Anna Arleen Koenig, or better known as Whaleus maximus. She doesn't have an Internet blog because she uses a Macintosh.

I've been lucky enough to tag along with these two, eating their snack food that they packed and generally sleeping in the back seat of Anna's car. Also can't forget the all important:

Katie Scalibrine Koenig, sister of the Wahleus Maximus and purchaser of our hotel room when we stayed in Portland.

The first day consisted of Anna, James and I roadtripping it from Cheney, Wash. to Portland. Along the way we got to see such Washington tourist traps like Ritzville, Tri-Cities and The Dalles.

Anyone from the Northwest knows what kind of money these places bring in based on their attractiveness and foreigners wanting to get their photos in from of the "Welcome to the 250th largest metropolitan area in the United States" sign.

Also a word of warning for you that decided to vacation in Oregon. People are required by law to pump your gas here. So when they approach your vehicle, avoid spraying them with a can of raid and drop kicking them in the sweet spot. They're just trying to fill up your tank.

Also Oregon tends to turn a bunch of people into wine snobs, I was no exception as I got five free samples of some fine Oregon wine at a local vineyard just outside of Portland. It also gave me an excuse to drink at two in the afternoon.

Just before we got into Portland we passed by Multnomah Falls (pictured above), to which the whale commented as "not being that big of deal"

However after further research (wikipedia) I discovered that Multnomah Falls is the second tallest year-round waterfall in the United States after Yosemite Falls.

The third being David Hasselhof's drool when he's drunk.

Once we were settled in at our hotel, where Katie had met us from driving down from Bellingham, we met up with her friend Brittney and decided that 5:30 p.m. was an excellent time to start drinking (again).

First was Rogue (makers of Dead Guy Ale) Public House, which is local Oregon brewer. We chowed down dinner there and had some fancy beers (Or as I like to say "burs") and also went to the Bridgeport Brewery for some more fancy "burs" all in downtown Portland.

Feeling subsequently nice, we then were dropped off by Brittney at the Cellar bar which was an underground Mecca for Guinness-like beer, stories about high school athletics (?!?!?!) and good directions for more bars.

Our next bar, Ground Kontrol was heaven on earth for emo kids. It had essentially every classic arcade game you could think of, nintendos, ataris and playstations for sale. Games too. A nicely stocked bar with goodies. And techno music.

Not sure if enjoyed the techno music, but I did like to judge which emo kid were wearing girls pants and which weren't.

After this we snuck down into some wonderfully seedy bar called the Shanghi Tunnel where we ate fries with chopsticks.

And then, the Jupiter Bar.

Three mixed drinks later it was time to go home. Final count: 2 breweries, 4 bars and one vineyard. Hell of a night.

The next day can be completely written off as mentioned in the earlier blog, except for the Trailblazers game...

Portland sure does support their team, as their state-of-the-art arena of over 20,000 seats was nearly sold out on a Tuesday. Looks like when the Sonics move to Oklahoma, I'll have to jump ship here. Or maybe I already have.

The Oregon Trail

I'll have further details tomorrow when I find a coffee shop and a wonderful bagel. But I would just like to say this.

Portland kicked my ass.

After hitting the bars (and I do mean bars, numerous, more bars than Bill Clinton mistresses) on Monday night, I awoke on Tuesday to find that my body had apparently decided to act like it was going through its final death spasms.

I barely was able to get it together to make it to the Portland Trailblazers game on Tuesday night, which was almost sold out and the usher found three empty alcohol fifths in the row in front of us. Good times.

And then after the game while walking back to our hotel (We were like three blocks from the Rose Garden), I watched this girl smack here head against a transfer box on a stoplight post because she wasn't looking where she was going.

Boy do I love this city.

Poor Bears

I just got back from calling a Cornhusker baseball game for KRNU, and what a game it was. The Bears of Northern Colorado came into Lincoln for a real thumping. 10-0.

From the start the Huskers took off, even scoring 6 runs in the 3rd inning. I had never called baseball before, but thought it went really well. Luckily the guy I was working with was a veteran so that made it easier.

I'll be calling the game tomorrow, as the Bears try to avenge that lost to the #18 ranked Huskers. Game starts at 1:35 PM CST. And can be heard on 90.3 KRNU and http://krnu.unl.edu/.

The Husker games are played at a beautiful stadium, Haymarket Park. Just outside of downtown Lincoln. It was a beautiful evening, started out in the mid 60's and then dropped to around 40. So a bit chilly at the end.

So if you get the chance, tune in tomorrow and let me know what you think.

Happy Easter

We here at Just South of North hope that you and your families had a great Easter. Here are some high points from mine.

Butterfinger Cream Eggs are amazing- Cadburry eggs don't even compare.

No matter how old I get, I will love waking up, to run to the living room, to see what the Easter Bunny left me. I love candy, and I'm pretty sure most people do too.

No matter how old I get, I still will never be sure what this holiday has to do with a giant bunny that brings candy.

And lastly, clean sheets are amazing.

Oh, and this video.

From Gonzaga with Love

Apparently I'm bad luck.

Two days after Clancy Bundy and I graced the GU campus with our "Eagle Pride" (Go EWU! Even though we didn't make the tournament), the Zags found themselves on the wrong end of an upset. Whoops.



If you can see the signs, they read "Honk if you're an Eagle Fan" and "God Loves the EWU Eagles even if they didn't make the tournament."

God loves the zags too, even if they choked.

And if you haven't been following FishBear Sports March Madness Leaderboard, Just South of North Guru Casey Knopik is in the lead with 14 of 16 games predicted correctly. Way to go Case!